Dave O Today

Something Smells

2011-09-03T20:07:00.000-07:00

So, we pull into the gas station tonight and I did what any good husband would do. I let the WIFE pump the gas!
She goes inside to get beverages...to leave me vulnerable to the world. Well, it happened. Little did I know that having my window down to let in the first cool breeze in 6 years would bite me in the booty! This fella walks over to my side of the car, leans over, placing a paper IN the car and says "Hey, buddy, how are ya?" "What kind of cologne do you like?"

Time stops and I address the situation from every perspective. First off, I have an (yes 74th time you've read this) AWKWARD meter!! Unless the vehicle is on fire, do NOT reach in towards me or my family!
I respond with "Really?" "You are THIS much in my car?" - he takes offense and says "What, did I freak you out?" -

I said "Well, i have this 'close personal space' issue" - and I've recently had brain surgery (and I lean my head over pointing out the divot in my head!" As to which HE became awkard, backed away and said "Oh, my bad." "Everything okay?" I said "Yeah, I'm alright" - He then fled the scene realizing that the strange pedler at gas stations had better watch out for "North Dallas Man"! as they called me on the TV.

At some point, if I'm not careful, I'm gonna let this tumor go to my head!...:) - but I will use to my advantage.

"The Talk"

2011-06-21T17:23:00.000-07:00

Well, it happened.
I finally had "the talk" with my son.
The questions of a ten year old will seldom disappoint in the "outrageous" category!
This was no different.

There I was conjuring up metaphors and juvenile comparisons that would be both informative, educating, and (gulp) memorable.

Determined to do this right I decided not to hold back and to leave no subject out of bounds.

I even went as far as to say that he shouldn't be surprised by the use of COSTUMES!
He was a little bit curious about "tag-teaming", but if I was going to be 100% truthful, I had to mention it.

He asked if it was normal if they take shirts off first. I simply put that it just depends on the situation.

He was a little doubtful at first, but I finally convinced him........that..........wrestling was, indeed, fake!

:)

Dirk Not This Time-zki

2011-06-11T14:57:00.000-07:00

The stress is over. I can relax. I can focus my life again!

Finally. I get to congratulate the World Champion Dallas Mavericks!

Not just for winning the NBA Finals, but for putting to rest years of "experts" that claim "Dallas will never win with Cuban." Or, "Dirk will never get a championship because he is soft" Or, you blog isn't really THAT funny" (wait a minute!)

Let's give credit to whom it is due:

Thank you Tyson Chandler, Shawn Marion, and Deshawn Stevenson for playing defense on a team labeled as "offense only".

Thank you Jason Kidd for coming back home and knocking down unexpected threes! And triple-doubling at such an advanced age! ;)

Thank you Jason Terry for doing that little "flight" thing you do when you make a three, or hitting a clutch shot.

Thank you JJ for being so darn quick!

Thank you Mr. Mark Cuban for minding your manners during the playoffs!

Thank you bench for stepping up during injuries or when teammates disappeared!

Thank you Mr. Rick Carlisle for outcoaching Phil Jackson, and that coat-tail riding fella in Miami!

Thank you to all the non-bandwagon fans! You know who you are.

I think that just about covers it......

....Kidding! C'mere ya big German teddy bear! Thank you Dirk for hitting the prettiest shot after shot with a contorted body that looks like you're making fun of somebody playing horse while drunk! Thanks for the threes! Thanks for the rebounds. Thanks for the gritty drives to the hoop.

And thanks for being so stinkin' clutch!

This team will now HAVE to be referred to as "The Champs" when playing next year.

As Dirk and I turn 33 this summer, I cannot help but remember watching this team through the 90's and thinking...atleast we have the Cowboys!

Now, all of the Miami haters can say "Atleast we have the Mavs!"

Congratulations guys. You've have earned it and made this the most memorable Finals for me, ever.

Sound Affects....

2011-05-29T17:04:00.000-07:00

Hi there,

Today's topic will cover the lack of manners and contageous amnesia regarding how to act while sitting in a dark movie theater.

Now I know that the existence of public movie watching is a relative new thing....if a "new thing" could be defined as something that started around 1895!
You would THINK that people would have learned how to act by now.

Apparently not.

When preparing for battle, tons of steps must be taken. Many hours of preparation will be involved.
When preparing for a test, there is studying. Heck, going to the bathroom even requires a check of the ole' toilet paper roll to make sure adequate paperage is there!
So, and I'm SURE I'm asking too much, but would it be too far a reach to have a pre-movie check-list before you hunt for a seat in the dark and scare the paying customers with enough common sense to get there on time??

I take my kids to see a harmless animated film about an obese bear with MAD Kung-Fu skills. It's me, my wife, a seven year old, and a ten year old. We would fill up four seats out of a five seat row. But, before the movie even begins...there are SIX people on our row.

Here is our GENIOUS idea...whilst the wife and a kid get the food...another kid and I get the seats. It's about 20-something minutes until the previews begin. Sounds harmless enough.

The devastation begins with a lady and her "must-speak-in-maximum-decibal-level-child" complaining about where to sit! The real problem is not that Gilbet Godfrey's son was so audible, it was that his mother kept answering him based on what he was saying and not the shear deafening level he was exhibiting. No, never heard a "shh". Only her responding as if he had a point!
Then, there was the jolting of my seat and the seats next to me by, what can only be described as "belly bumping". I've been on airplanes with turbulence with less of a seat jarring!

And all this..before lovely wife arrived with food and beverage.
And, as the four of us settled, we then witnessed redneck after hillbilly fumble in. Loud and confused...like drunk sheep at Nascar! - I do NOT assume that they are rednecks....I gathered this information based on their reaction from a clip of The Ballad of Ricky Bobby that flashed on the screen! "Woo Hoo" - "That's a good 'en!" And so forth.

The previews were now beginning and seats were about 75% full. The remaining 25% entered at what appeared to be the same EXACT time. There weren't seats available at more than two at a time...but we, of course, had people in groups of six and seven literally walking all the way to the front and back up to the back. Guys were griping "I'm literally blind". "I can't see a thing"! - (This apparently affected his ears too as he was practically yelling!)

Alas, the piece' d' resisDUNCE! - A lady with three kids and a friend was looking for seats. The three kids were placed in front of us and, wouldn't ya stinkin' know it, the ONE seat available on the inside by the wall was SO conveniently available for the tattoo'd mother to sit at so that she could check her brightly-lit phone, and hold her kid, and discuss what plans they had after the movie, that I was not going to be able to pay attention too due to the circus of noise, will end.

Then, I say THEN the movie begins. Only to be interrupted by phones ringing. No, not the "oops I forgot to silence my phone" occurences. The "let's see who this is and let it ring four times so that the entire ringtone of Sweet Home Alabama plays!"
The parents trying to hush their kids only by YELLING at them that "You're disturbin' err'body" "Quiet a'fore ya git thrown out"! - Seriously, were the Beverly Hillbillies filming a reunion?

All I'm saying is, have a little dress rehearsal. Tell your kids that it's expected that they be quiet, silence your phones, get your food in plenty of time, get to your seats and pretend that there are 300 strangers that do not wish to know what's going on with your lives!

Thanks! Silence is Golden.....and non-existent!

The Legend of Granny

2011-02-16T11:42:00.000-08:00

Fairfield TX holds many memories for me. Naps, 42, singing, getting ears punctured in the back of a pick up bed for "weight loss" purposes! But my favorite memory is in the person of my wife's grandmother - Jewel Morris. I will refer to her as "Granny" simply because, when introducing myself for the first time, she said "Call me Granny" - as to which my wife replied, "Everyone else does"!

She lived for 86 years, and if you broke apart the word "lived", you could see: loved, taught, made laugh, led, cared, served, and countless other positive influential phrases that could be inserted. I just remember he being so funny. Without even trying, I'm sure. Her little phrases that she spouted off mid-sentence catching people off guard. She would always ask me to play the piano. "Go over, sit down and play something." Before I got through with "What would you like to hear?" - She would interrupt "It don't matter!"

If she had a Facebook, her statuses would probably constantly be

Jewell Morris: Cooked for several people today.

Served everyone that I crossed paths with.

Gave a lot of advice today.

Skunked some friends and family at 42.

Made the world a better place and made it look easy!

...and ALL of her friends would like her status!

I will miss her house. The sounds, availability of food. Scanner in the background, tv on for the kids, the pictures, the way she would ask questions specific to each individual life. "How is your singing group?" "Or, "how is work at your hospital?"

My Mother's mother passed when I was only one year old, so, she was VERY much my second Grandmother.

We celebrated her life this past Monday and all the wonderful things said about how great of a person she was made me re-evaluate the relationship with my own family. It also makes me want to leave the legacy that she was able to leave. I am not used to so many members of a family staying that close for that long. The Matriarch can make or break a family. She set the example of how it is to be done!

She will be missed but NEVER forgotten. She will quoted, and honored.

God has truly added a Jewel to his treasure in Heaven.

Thank you.

...You Know You're From Colorado If....

2010-07-26T11:17:00.000-07:00

...You tell your spouse to pick up granola on their way home and they stop at the daycare!!

Howdy folks! Fresh off of a return from a little state I call Colorado having some major fun in the mountains and rivers and Wal-Mart!

It started with a flight to Kansas City, then straight over to Denver, which is not as impressive as I thought it would be.....probably because the Nuggets play there! Anyway, what WAS impressive were the endless mountains and clear COLD, and I mean "Do I have a brass bra on in the middle of winter?" cold!!

We ski-lifted our way up to a beautiful scenic place where we played washers, took pictures, and got heckled in the bathroom!

We bunjee bounced, rock climbed, and enjoyed the view of a golf course from our window....and, got threatened to get beaned by a golf ball shortly before taking our football throwing entertainment elsewhere!

My kids are apparently half crocodile hunter (may he rest in peace) because, apparently, - THEY DO NOT KNOW THAT THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO GO TOPPLING OFF OF A MOVING RAFT WHILE IT IS SKIMMING DOWN THE RIVER!!!

- That brings me to my six year old Caden. He, desperately trying to be like his friend and brother, wanted to be lifted over our raft as we were white water rafting down the Colorado River. In spite of the two ten year olds wailing due to the extreme coldness of the water as they did this shiver-bounce-bobble thing while clinging to the little purple rope on the side of the vessel, he allowed me to place him into the river....only to scream "get me out, get me out!" a good TWO seconds later. So I hoisted him back in and then proceded to rescue the other two. Much to my blindness, as I was struggling to dead lift two 90+ pound slippery boys.....little Mr Fall Guy LAUNCHES himself off the other side of the raft!!!! - Who IS this kid?? Our river-guide-paddle-lady sifted him from the water via his life vest. And I just laid there and tried to breathe. Oh it's clear air, there's just not enough of it!

Later, 25 feet above the ground and THOUSANDS of feet above sea-level while on another death-trap these people call a ski-lift, Drew and I are alone enjoying the scenery...and by enjoying I mean counting the bicycles on the passing seats heading the opposite direction! Can you REALLY be that pre-occupied that you don't notice the nature around you? But atleast he had fun!

Our guests (The Mays family, no kin to Billy - may he rest in peace as well) were so helpful in that, everytime we got lost, they would take over the navigational responsibility and lead us to other areas to get completely lost!! My only complaint was all the circle roads and yielding opportunities while driving through town!

Much more fun was had.....losing sunglasses in Eagle River, Falling into Eagle River causing said sunglasses to fling away, watching grown adults try to do a back flip in a trampoline bunjee device, cheering as our Caden climbed "his" rock-wall, getting up and enjoying cool mornings and gorgeous sunsets, jumping into a river from the shore the way God intended and NOT from a moving raft! - you get the point.

Alas, I leave you with one quicklet of a story.....

You haven't felt your heart race until airport security shows up out of nowhere and asks "What's the trouble here?"

Apparently, "someone" likes to "take" "souveneirs" from "places"

someone = me

take = steal

souveneirs = rocks

places = pretty much wherever I saw a pretty one!

You can't just smuggle those things in your baggage. The scanner person stopped it and started to go through it. Just then some fella with a badge appeared like a mountain Ninja and said "What'd you do now?" he barked, trying to be funny but causing me to nearly tinkle on my self! It was just a half boomerang-sized rock that will go PERFECT in my office! Totally worth it! As was this trip. Andrea and got some MUCH needed relaxation! I hope you enjoy the pictures!

Later

Dave

Let's Get Physical!! Physical!!

2010-06-21T11:59:00.000-07:00

Grrrrr!!

My wife must hate me. Why else would she make me go to the doctor to have a "check-up?"

Check-up? They should call it a "Feel-up!"

Let's start this journey today by reminding everyone that I have issues with strangers. You know, aliens that want to make me uncomfortable. (We all get it Dave-O, you have an awkward meter)
Oh no. It went beyond that today! There were multiple opportunities for me to pass right out due to embarrassment. AND I WISH I WOULD HAVE TAKEN THE OPPORTUNITY!!

First, I circle the complex 6 times because I can't find the right building. I come in and sign in. And, because I had never been there before, I had to do a lot of information offering. (Apparently that wasn't the ONLY thing I was offering)

I get trotted back to a little window office where they make me whiz in a cup in a bathroom where, yet again, you can hear a freakin' pin drop. I didn't care. I just splashed as loud as I Pee'd.. er pleased!! Then they took several vitals, weighed, took my height (no doubt a dress hearsal to take my dignity) - then gave me this breath test twice! I blame this incompetence on the ditzy office girl.

They bounced me down to "room 2" (which stands for "Room 2 probe you" no doubt!)

The doctor pops in, rally's through an onslaught of questions, accompanied by an ear check where he proceeds to tell me that I think I can hear, but I can't. As to which I caught myself saying "What?"

Ah...for the piece de resistance'...."drop your shorts" he tells me. (I'm not wearing shorts, just pants and boxers)...so I take the greater of two evils and drop everything south of the border. He takes his hands and places them where no MAN has placed before, tells me to turn and cough. I wanted to turn and RUN but I didn't want the ditzy office girl see me without my pants on. I'm telling ya, this is NOT a moment that Willy wanted to be freed!!

After the torment was over nurse "first-time" came back in to draw my blood as she was being "monitored". Apparently we train the staff on the brand new patients! I wasn't too concerned until she pointed to my big blue vein, looks up at the onlooking nurse and says "That one?" ........(gulp)

My life flashed before me....and I was bored with most of it! I made a quick list of regrets. (this doctor's visits being right on top) - THEN, I had to take the breath test again because it showed I had ASTHMA! I didn't, I was just a shy breather!

To top it off....I had to pay $15.00 for this visit! If you see somebody naked aren't THEY the ones who gets paid?? I've seen Pretty Woman...this was NOTHING like that!!!!!

All in all, the WORST Dentist I've ever been to!

Later!

Push, Pool...

2010-05-31T20:25:00.000-07:00

So it happened. A weekend outing with just me and the boys, some in-laws, strangers in a pool, and an inconvenient bathroom.

Where to begin.....This past Memorial Day weekend the quartet I play for had two concerts. So, the fam and I head off to Fairfield Saturday morning. We arrive at Andrea's granny's place where there's room for 7 or 8 but about 19 is present!!

After a few hours of visiting, Andrea heads back home with her sister because she had work to catch up on. That leaves me and the boys to hang at the fabulous Days Inn motel-bingo-tire-shop! - Okay, it was just a motel....but that small-town feel just takes over me, ya know??

The boys wanted to go swimming. This meant three things.

1. We had to go to Fred's dollar store for swimming apparel.

2. There was the possibility of me drowning, cause I ain't that good a swimmer!

3. And strangers would share a pool with us causing the ole awkward meter to soar to new heights!

My only stipulation was that we would go swimming if NOBODY else was in the pool. So we returned from our fortunate trip to Fred's. (I say fortunate only because I found a ROCKIN' new hat that makes me look cool!!) ..........you'll see!
Once we arrive at the Motel I noticed a lady and her two kids in the pool. - "We wait", I barked.

Ten minutes pass and they migrate away. Off we went, shirtless and paranoid! We enter the pool area, wade on in, and, for about ten minutes, enjoyed some secluded fun in the sun splashing around, chunking a newly purchased ball (another courtesy of Fred's...that place has a LOT!) Although I was nervous because, let's face it, I'm not the best swimmer, not due to lack of trying though! But I managed to crack a smile a time or two at how brave my two sons were.
....But, my life being what it is, our happiness was short-lived as we were joined by a rather older couple and their grand-daughter - who was NOT too grand as it turned out!

After about ten minutes of "company" and a little shark dressed as an eight year old girl, I trodded out of the water. It was at that moment that little orca Annie yelled "Look grandpa, he's got your swim-trunks on" - as to which my usually shy six year old felt it most necessary to reply in a matching yelling decibal level with the phrase "HEY, THAT'S MY DAD!!"

I just kept walking to my seat as I perceived that he had this in his hands now. I am thankful that he felt the need to defend his father's honor.....what was left of it!!

Fast forward to Sunday morning. My quartet had already set sound and apparently wanted to make use of the "facilities." - Note to the architects of churches....do NOT put the "facilities" adjacent to the front door AND the foyer AND the nursery! It makes it VERY difficult to concentrate when you're trying to drop a deuce and there are fifteen conversations going on about 5 feet from you!

....For some reason I feel as if I've shared enough and must gather my thoughts.

Enjoy your week.

Undeniable...scientific...evidence...

2010-02-12T06:45:00.000-08:00

...that Snow-Days are fun!!

I needed this. A foot of snow. Two (3) hyper boys getting all geared up.

By all of the recent pictures on Facebook it's easy to know all the people from Texas where we don't get this kind of weather. Do people in Alaska post pics of 75 degree days?? (i don't know but 'alaska!) (I'll ask her, get it?) :)

Here are some pics from today's activities!

Drew shoveling. Caden supervising with 1 glove

Drew pretending to throw snowball.

Caden pretending to be hit...

...then actually falling!

Drew making snow angel.

Me making truck-snow angel.....

Yeah, the kids didn't think it was that funny either.

Me sitting on my new creation.

Drew thought it appropriate to take pic after it collapsed...

A good time was had by all!

One pic I will NOT post is what the inside of the house looked like after we trodded back in...

Later, (Happy anniversary Andrea!)

Smarty Pants...er Boots

2010-02-05T03:26:00.000-08:00

My wife is a subtle genius!

A while back she orders these boots. They arrive, but they "don't fit right" - what is "right" Either they fit or they don't. She sends them back, and gets another pair that arrive in a most peculiar way.

We check the mail and we receive a card that says, under the delivered to section - "cab of red pick-up" - (Don't get me started about calling my truck a pick-up, instead of a truck)

So, I go out to my TRUCK, open the door, and there, in rather bold packaging, are the elusive second pair of boots.

Since when have we become so intimate with the U.S. Mail as to place things inside our vehicles??

If it won't fit into the mailbox, and we are not home....LEAVE IT ON THE PORCH! Raining or not. Do not enter open the door of my vehicle! Now, this guy knows that I listen to Michael Jackson, Billy Joel, and Carrie Underwood!! - I'm just not ready for our postal relationship to be at that level.

Back to the boots.....or the "idea to purchase apparel" in general.

The previous pair don't "fit right", these fit fine.....but we discover that she does not have the right shade of jeans to go with them. - Really babe? I've done enough laundry to know how many jeans you have. And yet, you MUST get a color that you conveniently "don't have" in order for this SECOND pair of boots to be worn. "OR" she says, "Now I need a brown pair" (boots)

Why must you play these games? Why must you act surprised that you all of a sudden "Need this", or "Can wear with, but I need...." ?

Just make one announcement that you will be selectively shopping for the rest of your life, and nothing will ever "fit right" but you'll keep on-a trying!

(And you will still look good in whatever you get) - Can I get a Holla!!!!!??

I don't even know what that means!

Have a good one!!

Dave

You know what? - I DON"T KNOW

2010-02-04T13:51:00.000-08:00

It seems I have this problem of playing out conversations that never exist.

I was walking to my desk and I passed a co-worker heading to speak to two ladies.

You know how you start a conversation as if it's the subject line of an e-mail? You need to talk to someone about rescheduling the day that you have the car wash company come to work...so you either call the person or walk up to them and say "Car wash......" - and then continue talking.

Well, the aforementioned co-worker breezed passed me and stopped at a desk station and said "Patient Question" - Now, I know what she meant. She wanted to know what to do about a patient that was there. The problem with my brain is that I IMMEDIATELY played out this conversation in my head.............

Co-worker - (Standing, but not leaning over desk) "Patient Question"

Me - (Sitting behind desk counter wearing neatly pressed scrubs and showing a smooth face due to the recently shaven goat-tee, thinking that this person wants ME to give her a random question about regarding patients as if she's preparing for a Jeopardy audition.) ...so I reply "Okay, why do they smell like that?".....

Co-Worker - "What?"

Me - "Oh, I thought you wanted me to ask you about patients."

Co-Worker - "No, silly" "You're so funny" "Your wife, friends, family, and Facebook stalkers are SO lucky to have you in their lives." "Will you marry me?"

Me - "No, but you can bring me a Dr. Pepper"

Co-Worker - "Okay, Dave"

~ Yeah, that's what played out in my head.

THEN, later that same month.......(And this conversation ACTUALLY happened)

I was sitting at my desk in the OR, where we do surgery at a hospital that I work at, while I was practicing saying redundant things (Worth IT!) - and the phone at the front desk rings. Since there was nobody available to answer, the Dave-O had to get up and answer.

The caller ID showed a cell phone caller with the description - "Smith, David" - folks, if I'm lying I'm the next American Idol.

So I paused with fear, because (what if it was actually me calling from the future saying "don't answer the phone" but how would I know not to answer unless I actually answered?!!!) OH THE AGONY.......(small sigh for affect...) - So, I answered. This voice on the other end sounded squirrely and snippy......in other words, - Just like ME!

After I answer:

He says to me, he says "Someone from there just called me?"

Me (~thinking "funny, I'm the one that just answered the phone. Obviously you just called me, but whatever!")

I say "Well, did they leave a message?"

Fake David Smith - "No, it was probably about a charge"

...(I do charges....was this really future me?)

Anyway, I told him/me that I would take a message, ask around and see if I could figure out who it was, then have them call him/me back.

He gave me a number that I did NOT recognize so I knew it wasn't me and I did NOT relay the message.....thought it was the right thing to do!

It is NOT easy being me! Or calling me! Now...bring me a Dr. Pepper!

Later

Learning to Learn

2010-02-03T13:49:00.000-08:00

It just occured to me.....you may not know. And, since this is a teaching blog, I feel as if it's my duty (giggle, "duty") - to tell you.

"Tell us what?" - you asked non-audibly.

Tell you what's right according to different life situations. (Right...according to my miniscule opionion never meant to take seriously, unless otherwise specified.)

Let's get started!

If you're a visitor to my work and you need me to fax something long distance, you need a clearance code. I will be more than happy to fax it for you. However, I don't want you knowing whay my code is. (Here's the teaching part) - after I take the paperwork from you and you follow me to the fax machine.....DON'T LOOK OVER MY SHOULDER. And don't stand directly beside me and say "Oh, is that the code?" - I've crippled people for less than that!! - So stand atleast 10 feet away with your eyes covered while reciting the pledge of allegiance KEEPING "One nation under GOD"!

Isn't learning fun!? :)

ALSO, if you work here (not as a full-time employee) and you are in between cases - don't talk so loud about your personal little life experiences. I get it, you like working out. Or, you know everything there is to know about everything! I am working and the noise of your voice makes me bleed internally! You are annoying, and you are an expert in every single scenario that gets thrown your way!

So please be quiet, and find something constructive to do.

Amen!

2010-01-30T13:44:00.000-08:00

As many of you know, I play the piano for the Harmony Quartet. Recently we had a few things happen that are worth (but probably not appropriate) sharing!

What must be a surprise to some groups has become second nature to us. We've been to several churches and performed our little concerts. At the end, there would be a time of announcement. Some pastors have used that time to (gulp) RESIGN!! Oh yes my friends. They invite us to be seated in the fellowship hall while they "take care of a little business." - That has happened twice. We've also found out that weeks, and even days later of a concert that a pastor has left. That has happened about 5 times. But our last outing made history. While in Athens, we witnessed for the first time the pastor - JOINING the church!!

It's a NEW year folks. I guess we've raised the bar...?? - Whatever the case, we know better than to expect a normal service.

I should also learn to expect anything from old people! LOVE me some old people! - One reason is, they say WHATEVER is on their mind during their prayer. I guess they think nobody's listen while they're talking to God. I guess that's fine, but it makes the ole' awkward meter go up once they start naming names!!

Here's your highly anticipated example! ;)

Ironically, during that same service in Athens, I got there early and was asked to play for the congregational song right before Sunday School.

Once finished an elderly saint of a lady (probably, I don't know) was called upon to pray. As she wrapped up her Heavenly conversation, she closed with "and bless the lost like our president and his family, and turn this country back from Islam." -

Back? He can't even get healthcare reform to take place.

Love me some old people.

See you next time. (Try not to resign after you read this!)

Thwart of the Union

2010-01-30T13:07:00.000-08:00

Come on in!

I thought I'd give my thoughts on the recent State of the Union Address. As if you wanted to hear my opinion. - But...you are reading this so, here goes!!

First, I'll start with all of the positive things about President Obama's speech.

1. His tie was straight... now for the negative...

That was a joke!

Actually I think he has quite the task in front of him for the next three years of his one and only term.

Which I didn't think would be the case after he first took office.

The party's are certainly split between themselves, but that's not new. It seems as if he is an outsider among his own administration. If the Republicans want something, the Democrats throw a hammer. If the Democrats try something, the Republicans are surely going to try to thwart. (I like the word thwart) - I've stopped blogging for like two minutes just saying thwart. Using different accents, yelling it. Ok, I'm done now.

But if Mr. Obama brings something to the political table....both sides say "Hold up a minute young man." "This ain't gonna work." - Gives me a warm feeling inside. I assumed that everything he wanted would be granted immediately. Awesome in the face!

Or is it? I don't want other countries laughing because of our lack of respect for leadership. I mean, nothing happens outside of God's divine permission. So, Mr. Obama is there for a reason. Darned if I know what the reason is!!

So, I won't dissect him personally. But I will take my amateur cheap-shots at the address he gave.

The number 3 problem I have with the speech, is his jabs at the previous president. Saying things like "The deficit was this bad before I ever took office" or "We've done it that way for eight years, and look where that's got us" - would be fine if he wasn't trying to preach in the very next phrases that we need to "put aside our blaming and come together" or "take responsibility and move foward" - that kind of two-handed talk chaps my hide!

Problem number 2 is this global warming, I'm sorry, "undeniable scientific evidence" of global warming. What the Flagnod? Google stories from the mid-70's where global "cooling" was an issue. Do we really have the weather THAT high up on the list of things to do before I get voted out in three more years? If you concentrate on that which we have no control you'll end this presidency hardly making a positive difference and I'll have to pick at the next president or presidentess, about complaining that he/she "inherited" a mess from the previous president!

Not that it shouldn't be a concern, and not that we shouldn't do what we can to improve the environment around us....but let's leave that to the people that have that time on their hands to guilt trip the guilty into recycling and driving energy-efficient vehicles.

And, the number 1 problem I had with the Address was that he stated that he inherited this country in this condition.....Really? Ya mean it doesn't automatically start over every term?

Listen, your entire campaign was basically huling insults at Mr. Bush citing what a horrible job he has done. Entering two wars, ignoring health care and so forth. - If YOU can say that you inherited this mess, my question is - Can Mr. Bush ever say "Oh, I'm sorry, we were attacked 9 months into my first term" which would be a jab at Mr. Clinton's security system already in place. What if we did NOT go to war? What if he would have concentrated on healthcare? We would have needed it, I suppose, to make sure that we were taken care of because of the routine attacks that would have been on our soil because these countries would have had enough time on their hands seeing as how we weren't over there bravely defending us and securing their govt. - but I digest...

I choose to hope that the parties do come together. Because people are growing tired of the three-way fighting. Let's bring it back to the classic boxing-style grudge match between two entities that we've grown accustomed to. Or, let's ALL focus on global warming and see where we end up!

Later.

Not So General Hospital

2010-01-19T12:45:00.000-08:00

Dr. Toussaint at welcoming return

The Forest Park crew heading out

Our Faithful Nurses

- Hi there!

...So there I am. Sitting at my desk, keying away, minding my own business and CERTAINLY not looking on Facebook....and I hear, from the office behind me, the voice of the president and founder of our hospital..."I think we're going to Haiti."

That lackadaisical verbal comment started what will surely be a small part of history now.
If you've watched the evening news in our area any recent evening you have, undoubtedly, seen the story.

Dr. Toussaint ("T") made the decision to fly his jet full of medical/surgical supplies, a team of physicians, a group that I will affectionately refer to as "security" to a country recently devasted by an earthquake.

Now, to get the team together...it was basically a line that automatically formed as if a military summons had been sent. Physicians, nurses, and techs alike literally asked if they could join. I dare say that I have never witnessed a more solemn display of medical patriotism from any group of people.

Originally scheduled for Friday morning, due to an unreceivable airport, the team lifted off Saturday morning loaded with prayers, thoughts, supplies, medical personnel, and a unified goal of simply helping just because "they need it."
"They" being men and women that would inevitably lose their limbs, or have physical changing trauma as a result of falling objects i.e. buildings! Or, children that have become the head of their respective households because their parents were crushed.

Upon arrival the team was greeted with up close scenery that the most graphic war movie would have trouble copying. The smell. The sounds. People crying out for help.

And here is Forest Park Medical Center, volunteering to enter circumstances that would rock their emotional world. Stories of desperation have been shared with me. I would like to share some with you.

They land. They start working.
Once set up in a 2-OR hospital FPMC became the FIRST civilian medical response team in Haiti. Now...the difficulty really begins. The language barrier. Unfamiliar territory. Environment that becomes somewhat more hostile due to a growing panic.
Tents were created just outside the facility. Patient introductions begin.
The decision of "moving on from this patient because they are too far gone" is now a repetitive process. One of our nurses received a patient and the census was to give Morphine and move on - to ease their pain as best they could. The nurse wanted to continue to administer medical attention, but, due to the large volume and deleting time frame.....reality set a little deeper. It must be difficult to triage people with your eyes welling with tears knowing that it's too late for some. Or maybe, as in some of the children there, they had to deal with this - a 6 year old girl who was communicating with some of our staff was asked where her mom was. She said "I am mom"
"No, no, where are your parents?" we asked. "It is only me" she replied.
She had a 5 year old brother, and a two year old little sister that she had been forced to take care of since her parents had been crushed. She managed to look after them for several days until getting taken care of....did I mention she was 6?!?
What a heartmelter!

They would have to place a pain block, and give the children suckers (dum dums) to distract them from the relocation of their joints! As they would reach for the candy...their arm would be jerked back into socket! On-the-fly skills from an exhausted team.
Working hour after hour. Getting chunks of sleep in a couple of hour intervals the team went on. Surgeons doing over 30 procedures in one day. Supplies running out. Hungry. Nervous. They kept providing care.
One physician, who could speak French, one of the languages represented there, woke up to a crowd of people that was pointing and saying "he is the one" - in other words, he can help us AND understand us. At the very least they provided hope for this devastated country.

Amputations were performed. Infections were healed. Dressings placed. - but the biggest obstacle of all......dealing with what they saw, smelled, heard, after returning home.

Many of the group had emotional relapses. Their human side showing. - A side I will never see due to their heroic efforts. I stand proudly and applaud every one of them. Not because they had the skills to do it....not because they expected/received no payment....but because of the instant desire to go just because "they needed our help."

Love you guys!!! - Pleasure working here with ya!

Knock Knock!

2010-01-07T14:01:00.000-08:00

Greet to tha tings Peeps!

Ever been in a bathroom in a public place and someone (that you would assume shares your untimely bowel/urinary habits) tries to come in? But instead of knocking, or jiggling the door handle....they forcefully try to turn nearly ripping the doorknob of the hinge! Wow...they had to GO!
Next time, try gently grabbing, and ever so slightly turning until you discover that it is locked. You may move on to find another one, without reduntantly scaring the crap of anoyone currently on the throne!

Enough Potty stuff already!

Flavored toothpicks may be one of the most geniously invented items of our time. The ones with the attached floss thingy's are the best! Plus, they make pretty handy little weapons. You would NOT want to take one of those to the eyeball!

A couple more things. Why is it that light bulbs go out at different times? A fan with those 4 to 5 light attachments never has bulbs that synchronize? I put them in at the same time when I first got the thing. When did the space time continuum get so far off?

Oh well, just remember it's always darkest before the dawn! - Well, that's not really true because the sun is pretty close to coming up so it's not THAT far. I guess it's always darkest when the sun is on the other side of the Earth!
Whatever, if my brain was taxed...I'd get a rebate!

Later

Happily Clever After

2010-01-07T13:08:00.000-08:00

Suppness!!

Ever say something out loud, then hear someone a decent way down the hall laugh? You turn to give them the acknowledging bow only to discover that they were talking with someone else and laughing at them instead? - Yeah...me neither!

It's not that it's cold, it't that it's soooo far from being hot! The closer the health care bill gets to being implemented the closer Hell is to freezing over methinks!
Speaking of commercials that make me laugh (?) - I was within ear shot of an advertisement that said "And if you act now you can get this for only $399.00"
I'm sorry but "only" never applies to three-digit cost!!
Speaking of signs that make you turn your head...I noticed a vehicle the other day cruisin' on down the road with a signage on it that read "Crash Research Car"! - Wow. how many tests can you actually run? Do they EVER pass? Where can I sign up?!? :)

Enclosing (and speaking of something that I wasn't currently speaking of...get it?)
Whilst (yes whilst) at Starbucks, I was handed my White Chocolate Mocha with Caramel on top without one of those little sleeves. I didn't accept it. The girl said "Oh, you want a sleeve? I was gonna say "Oh no, that's fine" Then, when she handed it to me, I was gonna make her hold on to it 'til she DROPPED it due to the excessive heat that they are speaking of when they label RIGHT THERE on the side of the cup! - And then I'd say "it's hot ain't it?" 'causeing a chain-reaction of never giving out a hot beverage without one of the sleeves.......but, alas, I said yes to the offer, took it, enjoyed it on my ride in considering I paid ONLY $4.89 for it!!

Later

Bring me your tired, your needy, your complaints?

2010-01-06T11:34:00.000-08:00

Howdy in the face!

You know anyone that is negative, dramatic, or in a bad mood ALL the time? And you think "I wish they would be in a good mood for a change." - Then, the day they are.....you realize that they are the most ANNOYING person ever??
I have the privilige of be co-employed with such a person.
He's usually very determined to let things upset her. *(yeah, i switched up the sex to throw you off!) - Now, I wish they'd go back to being ticked off and quieter!!

This is the time of year that we save money on gas. It's too cold to stay outside and pump for more than half a tank! I trust your Christmas. I had a trampoline - It flew away. We're getting another. A HEAVIER one!
Have you re-gifted? I think I got something that someone else didn't want and may be "three-gifting" soon!

You know what I like? Ii like....when people come up to me and complain or question things that I have ABSOLUTELY no control over! LOVE that! - So, in turn, I'm-a-gonna start sending them random mail from made up names complaining about problems in far away places.

EXAMPLE: ('cause ya know I got 'em)
"To whom it may or may not concern" "It's come to my attention based on an episode of Dateline that there are starving people in Africa." "Please do something about this." "Do you like it that kids are starving?" "I can't believe you let it get to this point."

OR -
"The girls that work at the local Sonic are rude" "Please go to each one, order, then criticize them on their tone and educate them on how to deal with customers" "Start with the one in Washington State"

Ahh...that's better! :)

Well, off I go to put $2.00 of gas in at a time!

Dave

2009 wrap up

2009-12-29T19:05:00.000-08:00

Wow. 5 months since I've updated.
I bet you've missed me like a rash you can't reach huh?!?

Well. Let's see if I can sum up the year for me.

Change jobs. 10 yr anniversary. Opening day at hospital. Join home church. Turn 31. New office in OR. Two kids in school. Baby Abby turns one! Like 30 celebrities pass away! Kids take piano lessons. Family being family. Holidays bring acoustic guitar and flying trampoline.

For the New year I will (resolute?) to blog on schedule. (And thanks to our handy dandy Air Card, that should be a lot easier!) - I will also try to be less snippy. I will concentrate on my facial expressions (I will smile more) I will become a talented guitarist! I will try to be a blessing.

Here's hoping that you have a wonderful year.
If I see you, I see you. I'll be the one in Wal-Mart trying to avoid eye contact with the other people. Speaking of Wal-Mart...I noticed these people lifting melons to their nostrils and giving a sniff to each of them on the pile. Methinks they smell like nothing more than the hands of previous shoppers! STOP doing that! It's just wrong.

Later my friends!
Dave

It's a Bird...It's a Plane...It's...Grasshopper Girl??

2009-07-20T13:09:00.000-07:00

Howdy Readers!

Not everyone can pull off tube tops and lepoard skin skirts.....BUT THEY SHOULD! Just pull them right off before leaving the house and wrap yourself in an appropriately placed Beach Towel!! - Here's a scale in which to measure if your attire should NOT be worn. -If, when you walk by, you hear the sound of "Awe...no they di-int!" - Get back in your car NOW. Drive back home, pull up the intranets, order some clothes that cover up all the stuff, and set some matches to yo' closet! - Now don't give me the "that's all I have to wear routine" - The homeless people I see are very modest and cover up quite a bit!
Red panty hose.....PLEASE!

Notice the picture that this blog came with? That is a "Need Help" sign in the middle of Wal-Mart. It's a wonder there weren't HOARDS of people under it!
Never has a sign been more aptly placed.
My wife (who also has an awkward meter...stay tuned for my next blog about that) and I were purchasing my birthday presents, which was this past July 12th if you want to post a "Happy Birthday" comment or something (big fat wink at cha!) and we had an interesting verbal exchange with the check-out person in the electronics department. I believe one of his choice small-talk-customer-service-phrases that you undoubtedly get at the Wal-Mart school of how you talk to people when you are checking them out, was "I'm glad my wife works, 'cuz I'm just a lowly wal-mart worker." - WHAT...do we say to that? (I wanted to say "You're MARRIED?") But whatever!

Nextly...I would like to discuss an epidemic sweeping the motorcycling nation. The old "point to the road as you pass an oncoming motorcycle while you are on a motorcycle wave"
Is this something new? We were driving behind a feller on a motorcycle and he kept pointing to the ground beside him. It wasn't until we noticed a DIFFERENT biker pointing as he passed YET ANOTHER (what, is there a rally that we don't know about?) on the highway! I never saw that on CHIPS! The Fonze never did it either!

Enclosing, I would like to say something that you may not be aware of.
We have, somewhere in our midst, a NEW superhero that I didn't know about.
Let me explain. As I'm out traveling with a quartet, working VERY hard to be the secondary bread-winner of the family...(laughing) my wife takes the reins of the household duties and that's just wonderful........(sorry, I drifted off because I typed "duties") Anyway, Andrea was taking out the trash with Caden (5) and he told her, as they were walking down the sidewalk, "Mommy don't touch that bug or it will bite you and turn you into Grasshopper Girl!"
Personally, I see a green, skin-tight suit coming on. And, the ability to jump like 70 feet would be cool! Oh, and you get those wings so you can temporarily fly I guess!
But alas, I will have to explain to the youngling that Mommy won't become Grasshopper Girl due to a bug bite...everybody knows that she sprays on this special aerosol, steps into a greenhouse, where she transforms and mounts a motorcycle and points to the ground when she passes other grasshoppers!!

Later

Dave

2009-07-16T11:28:00.000-07:00

Hello There!

One thing that keeps my mental irritants employed are dropped calls.
It's not just the inconvenience of losing someone mid-conversation, but the one with whom you are speaking not having dropped call etiquette!
Allow me to elaborate. (You're not doing anything else right now apparently)
You're talking to someone, the call gets dropped, ya both keep on-a talkin'!
Then, the call gets re-made, and the conversation starts over from two different viewpoints!

Enjoy!

THIS was a recent call dropped situation:
Phone: "Ring"
Me: "Hello"
Caller: "Hey, did you get a chance to have that form signed?"
Me: "Not yet." "He was not in his...
Phone "So long suckers!"
Me: (Continuing to speak to nothing) "...office, but he will be back at noon"
Phone: "Ring"
Me: (Realizing call had been dropped) "Hello?"
Caller: "Sorry, I think I lost you." "What were you saying?"
Me: "I was saying that he was not..."
Caller: (Interrupting) "No, I heard that part." "What was the last part?"
Me: "Noon."
Caller: "What about noon?"
Phone: (laughing)
Me: (Not knowing where to start since I lost him mid-sentence) "HE...WILL...BE...BACK...UP...HERE..AT...NOON!"
Caller: "Oh." "Well, that will be too late anyway." "We'll just have to do something else."

Then the phone cut off and I could even hang up on him out of frustration! :(

But alas you know your day is destined for greatness when the inspection maintenance guys are in your office. There were 5 of them in one little area all discussing the same problem. You had the four workers and the Strawboss telling them what to do. This guy was old and huge. Nothing wrong with that....except when his cell phone went off.
Folks, I believe there are certain things about the choices we make that just invite judgement upon us. Let us NOT misquote the scripture here. The Bible does NOT say "Don't judge anyone" - It clearly states - "Judge not, lest ye be judged"
I WANT to be judged for my bad decisions. It's what keeps me from repeating them and doing similar things. That said...if I dress in all pink, by all means, make a judgement and tell me that it's not right. If I introduce myself as my favorite superhero upon meeting strangers...go ahead and intervene. - Now, with that little preface, let me tell you about what happened regarding the big, old, maintenance guy!
Picture this....340lbs, overalls, partial beard, missing teeth, dirty hat, boots...the works. If the Clampett's had a yard sale, this guy cleaned them out! - This is not the part I'm being judgemental about. It was his RINGTONE!
He was perched on a ladder 5 feet in the air with his head up the ceiling of my office. Then he got a call...what did I hear? "IT'S JUST A THRILLER....THRILLER NIGHT"

Really...? Really? If that was MEANT to be a joke, it would be fine. But, deep down....I bet he likes to get his groove on! And THAT man don't need to be groovin'

My only peace came from the fact that after he answered the phone.....it dropped his call!
SCORE!!

Later, Dave

Nearly Blogged

2009-07-10T06:41:00.001-07:00

Hi Readers!

Many of you have questioned why I think the way I do. Or "how do you put up with him" type phrases have always been passed around. I will continue to view them as positive statements! REGARDLESS!

Why do things pop into my head the way they do? I'm not sure. Maybe a combination of too much tv, being an only child, seeking attention, approval...and the list may go on.
Recently at a lunch with friends, our order was being taken. When asked what vegetable that she wanted one of our companions stated "Mixed Veggies please" - As to which I quickly replied "Oh, we don't call them that." "They're 'Blended' Veggies"
Later, that same lunch, we were enlightened that once upon a time this guy ordered his food and a worm was found in his food. EEEWW, was the consensus reply from the table. "What?" he said. "It was just a little worm" - As to which the Dave-O said "Well, two worms had to 'do it' to make that worm" - Now why would I revert back to two worms courting, getting married...leading up to a honey-moon where they conceived our little worm that night?? - Because, YES all of that flashed in my mind as I was saying it!!
Or what about my wife telling me about topical antiseptic....as to which I replied "Well, atleast it is up to date on current events!" - Topical. Get it? On topic? - That's good stuff playas!

Last but not least...I'd like to mentally swim out to the sea of those who find it necessary to use the phrase "nearly drowned"
The NEWS is the worstest at this. - "Parents are relieved that their 3 year old is still alive thanks to the quick thinking of a local paramedic" She (pauses for effect) NEARLY DROWNED at a nearby waterpark....

Excuse me? "Nearly"? So...she....just got wet? Barely swam enough? Struggled with her floating.
Now, I'm not saying that it isn't scary to come close to losing a loved-one by drowning. I'm just saying that nearly drowning is a redundant way of saying that you survived something water-related. If you survived a "water" incident....I have a problem with "nearly"
When you crash in a plane and live, you "survive a plane crash" NOT nearly crashed to death!
Bottom line, if you survive a dramatic water-related incident you STILL survived. You take a shower...nearly drowned. Walk down the road, come a little too close to an old lady's garden...get sprayed by the hose - Nearly drowned. Cause you survived.

I'll let it be now!

Have a nice day!

The 3rd!

2009-07-02T12:32:00.000-07:00

Happy Holidays!

The sun called...wants it's temperature back! This HEAT is making me cranky, and old.

The Fam and I were eating out at a catfish place recently and the table next to us had a lady that had QUITE a physical personality. (She was larger folks)- and that's fine. What WASN'T fine was my youngest son Caden thinking it was alright to give her a little slap on the hangy down part of her arm!!
What goes through his mind during these little escapades? "OOH, fun, must touch!" "Soft!"
She just smiled and nodded as if to say ";) happens all the time"

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...er, hospital, it's payroll day!! What does that mean for the Dave-O? Lets, see if I can paint this eloquently...
We have an accounting department, an HR department, inquisitive employees, and a founding physician that MUST sign off on all checks before disbursement. - I like the word disbursement. It sounds important. I like using it...disbursement! - So you have these 4 entities that must be tied together by a common bond, a bridge, a strand of effort weaving betwixt the complexities of inter-departmental personalities!
Whom to we call upon? - Moi! (Mwa, for the non-bi-lingual)
So, I must be the one to field questions from employees having questions regarding their checks, call HR, call Accounting, run the checks to the OR to have the Dr. sign.
I would NEVER complain about this process.In fact, I don't ever remember complain about anything! Ever! And, I have a faulty memory!!
This brings us to today. Or does it...?....Yes, it does bring us to today. I don't even know what that means!

Today, I had a "gentleman" come to me axing about some retro-blah-blah-blah on his check! Now it wouldn't be important to me except that my boss wanted me to "take care of it" - which means it's not THE most important thing to me!
It wasn't my job function, but since I am capable of getting the job done, THAT'S what qualifies me to own, and solve this problem!
And solve it I did! - But....explaining that it wasn't my fault that the retro was wrong, was no easy task.

However, due to the graphic nature of my thoughts, AND the fact many-a-co-worker reads this blog...("Many" meaning one or two) I will not continue to indulge (or disburse)any negativity and, instead, wish you the best Independence Day and remember:
You are unique...just like EVERYBODY else!!

D. O.

PM What??

2009-06-29T13:23:00.001-07:00

Greetings readers!

I really should stop watching tv. I saw a commercial that advertised about P.M.D.D. which is LIKE P.M.S. - ....I'm sorry, huh?!? Now there's ANOTHER one to look out for!
It's not safe to walk out of the house anymore! That's probably the reason for all the celebrities leaving this world. (may they rest in peace)
Fortunately, none of the ladies I know ever come across in a negative manner thereby eluding me to assume that they are on...it..?..that?...

Am I getting THAT old? I walked in a convenient store the other day (probably to get the wife an ICEE....'cause I do that.... ALL the time!) - and the cashier and I had a friendly little chat. I told her that I hadn't seen something since I was in high school. She said "a long time huh?" -
uh...YOU'RE LIKE 50! With smoke freckles and rubber skin! I didn't respond with what little nugget 'cause I'm not mean like that...instead, I write negative things about people! It gets me through the week! :)
I'm only 30. That's only 15 two times....of course it's half of 60...but you only as old as you....dress?...rap?...can't be feel, because medication is not always available!

Oh well, have a wonderful work week old timers! And don't assume that people in bad moods have any sort of syndrome! ('Cause they hate it when you say that!)

Later, Dave

And, you're name's gonna be...??

2009-06-12T09:33:00.000-07:00

Hey there Readers,

Confusion is the first step to knowledge, therefore, I am a genius!

There is an Extremely nice lady that cleans the department that I work in every day. Recently she was dusting the top of my desk and accidentally knocked over some trays. I was in the other room but saw it take place. She apologized profusely then began to put the papers back in the tray....Now honey, did you know what order they were in? No - This would be an appropriate opportunity to just dump them in my lap and say "I give up!"

Moving on,
I had to set up a conference call between my boss and two other individuals. As soon as it was time, I called the number and got the first lady on the phone. She said "hang on a second, let me get Josh" - About a minute later, Josh joined us. Josh said "John?" - I said "No, it's David" he said "Oh, sorry, I just got off the phone with a John."
- Here's my question... - If you don't know the name of someone, is the rule just give them the name of the previous person that you were talking too? You don't ask "what is your name?" - If luck would have it that he was talking to a Brandy would he call me Brandy? When he finishes praying and the phone rings, does he say "Amen" - "Hello, Jesus?"

Okay, time to get out of town and take a bus!

Later, Dave

And, what are tires...again?

2009-06-11T11:27:00.001-07:00

Readers,

As with the willowing away of tire tread, so goes my patience with the employees designated to work on my vehicle at your local Wal-Mart. Even though I SHOULDN'T complain (because I should learn to do mechanical-type work own-self) I'm-a gonna!

I needed two new front tires. I pulled around to the Wal-Mart Tire/Lube Express area. Parked, and began walking up to the "garage-of-sense-less-beings"
I was greeted by this dude with a puzzled look on his face. He said "Can I help you?" I said "I need to get two tires" - He paused and looked at me for what seemed like a month! Then said "You need us to put 'em on?" ........"Uh....YES!" (Maybe people do only by tires and not have them put on) but I was not thinking in that direction. (And he had a very confused face leading me to believe that he was not open to the concept of OPTIONS!)
Having gotten through to him that I wanted two tires put ON my car, we proceeded to to go through the registration process where he takes my name and such. He asked "front or back?" (Really?) I told him "front" - this booger looked down at the BACK tires and then began typing information on that little thing they type on.
Having completed that, I went in to get a cutting of my hair. The hair cuttist began singing along with a Britney song! I think it was the circus song, not sure. "All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus" - "Don't bother with a song just make it not so long just like a hair cut!"
Then she asked me if I wanted a shampooing. I said "nah" she said (singing) "it's complimentary!" - I said "Okay" she said "I knew that was coming" - I said "I knew it was free, I just don't think that they're through with my tires yet!" - She said "Yeah, it takes them forever to do anything" - Whoa, Wal-Mart wounds it's own team!
Well, they weren't finished and I had to wait. Once ready, I paid, got the key, and commenced to walking to my car. My car was backed in and the driver's side door was closest to me. Now what made me do this is beyond me...but, I walked over to the passenger side door to make sure that the front tires were done (tee hee) GUESS WHAT I SAW? A perfectly new tire - with NO hub-cap!!
I had to walk back to the garage and find someone. I told this old man who said "That's my fault, they didn't see me put it over thar"

I'm just thankful that I noticed and that I got short hair, 4 hubcaps, and another day to blog!

Later, Dave

**Disclaimer** - The views expressed in this here blog are not intended to draw attention to the ignorance of others, but to make fun of the Dave-O and his "Awkward-Waiting-To-Happen" mental status. At no time is it to be assumed that ALL Wal-Mart workers are purposely ignorant. - I am making fun of the way that I take people and how I interpret them as treating me - Anyone that doesn't get that is a complete idiot!!

Have a wonderful day!
(And I'm kidding about the "idiot" comment)

The Great Chicken Truck Wreck of '09

2009-06-09T09:26:00.000-07:00

Good day reader(s)

Just as we have seen the dwindling down of the bird flu...another fowl epidemic is upon us. That's right friends - CHICKEN TRUCK TERROR! It's on our highways folks! Dozens of future KFC alumni scattered abroad, senselessly murdered (or dismembered) due to chicken truck accidents. I can't even begin to describe the poultry agony that ensues upon collision. What noise must feather out from the wreckage?
Who came up with the idea to haul these sexy white hens down the road with open cages? How high up the pecking order is he/she? I say we put THEM in a steel Wal-Mart basket and speed it up to about 85mph and just whoosh 'em down the road to scare the poo out of them. - Back to the chickens. (Or, as the English say - "CHECK-EENS")
From now on we should pronounce it that way...just to have a little fun. We must find a way to enable the check-eens to defend themselves. Maybe we could teach them martial arts! - Call it the "Cluck Norris school of Hen Fu" -

It was a typical Monday morning. The weather guy was a fill-in and was flirting with the traffic lady a little much who, atleast, told us that there was an accident and HWY 30 was shut down. We dropped off our oldest son all ready for church camp this week, and then hit the road....only to hit a two-lane-highway-stalled-with-bumper-to-bumper-cars creeping along at 1 mph due to (and this reverts back to the overly flirted with traffic lady) a check-een truck accident. What happened? - Not sure. Slam on the brakes, swerve, flip "COCK-A-DOODLE-DOOOO!" splat! Check-eens everywhere! Some dead, others close, some destined to become traffic safety officer hens, that get spots on morning newscasts and get flirted with by the new rooster doing sports! Hypethetically of course! Everyone knows that turkeys make better news personnel!

So there we were, passing on the service road, viewing the bodies. Lined in the ditch. Taps was playing in the background.(http://www.west-point.org/taps/Taps.html)
Then my wife spoke up.."Poor chickens".... Uh,they are traveling to a place that will chop them to death via axe! - Or MADE to lay eggs against their will, which is nothing more than organized prostitution!
Now, the survivors just have whiplash and a pending law-suit. The victims (affectionately known as chicktims :) never saw it coming. They are feeling no pain in the great Pilgrim's Pride truck in the sky - Can I get an amen!? No? How 'bout a thigh?

Let's make it a good day! - You never know when the truck that's hauling you around in will kick the bucket!

The Dave-Ography

2009-05-29T14:01:00.000-07:00

Hey readers,

If I ever get around to writing my autobiography (which is silly because I know NOTHING about cars) - I think that the chapter headings may read something like...

Chapter 1 - Hi. I'm Dave and I have an awkward meter

Chapter 2 - Hutchins Baptist School (fighting, A-Honor Roll, walking home after
school)

Chapter 3 - Wills Point ISD (avoiding all contact with strange humans, afraid for
life on bus ride home, Honor Roll?)

Chapter 4 - The Legend of Mabank TX

Chapter 5 - Backyard Volleyball

Chapter 6 - Southern Gospel Music?....What the heck is that?

Chapter 7 - The Ballad of Shawn Kirk (he used to dip and cuss)

Chapter 8 - Church members for 9 months then leave. (Isn't that normal?)

Chapter 9 - Baylor University Medical Center Dallas
1. 7p - 7a
2. Tony and Albert
3. 20 Transports in one night
4. The Helipad
5. 5 CPRs (no one made it)
6. Severed Foot - Fell asleep on railroad track) "No one falls
asleep, they PASS OUT on a railroad track!"

Chapter 10 - I want a blonde, 18 year old girl to marry

Chatper 11 - Andrea Kay Dougherty

Chapter 12 - Bankruptcy! - kidding! (Chapter 11...? Get it?)

Chapter 13 - Fairfield TX

Chapter 14 - Debt Consolidation! - kidding...well, not really.

Chapter 15 - The Medical Center @ Terrell
1. Hetty Smith
2. The File Room
3. "Hold your Breath, Hold it!!!"
4. That Boy Thar
5. Towne Home

Chapter 16 - Moving back home

Chapter 17 - Crystal River, Potter's Clay, Sweet Spirit

Chapter 18 - The Medical Center of Mesquite
1. Mesquitians
2. 30 transports in one day
3. Employee of the Quarter and how I had to bribe to get it!
4. What do you mean "no call, no show?"

Chapter 19 - Greenville TX

Chapter 20- Drew Alexander Smith

Chapter 21- The only truck I've bought...twice!

Chapter 22- The Harmony Quartet

Chapter 23- Caden Lane Smith

Chapter 24- "MY Day"

Chapter 25- Per-Se' Technologies
1. Betty Wrinkle
2. Katrina, my Only African American friend (at the time)
3. $20,000.00 Embezzlement?....wow!
4. Group Leader Fiasco
5. Halloween Party
6. Special Friends Newsletter
7. The loss of Justin

Chapter 26- Vista Hospital of Dallas
1. Central Supply Director
2. You can order it....you're not going to get it though!
2. Business Office/Admitting Director
3. Can I PLEASE get PBX coverage?
4. Is her DOG up here? Is there an IV pole in there?
5. Did I just get fired?

Chapter 27- Forest Park Medical Center
1. This is the greatest place to work EVER!!
2. Milliman Building (Millenium as 80% of the population call it)
3. Charge Committee
4. Jerry Walters ("Dude, we're never going to work there!")

Chapter 28 - Pops is on the roof again!

Chapter 29 - Dude, where's my truck?

Chapter 30- Inheritance? Bwa ha ha ha

Chapter 31 - I'm offended that you're offended!

Chapter 32 - You want me to Blog? Seriously?

Chapter 33 - Being Racist is not the same as being Prejudice! And other theories
guaranteed to get me stabbed!

Chapter 34 - You're Face!

Chapter 35 - I like transposing from this key to the next by hitting the 3 minor, half step down, then 2 minor chord, 4 over 5 stance, arpeggio.... - You don't know what that means? - Well, cut me a break for not being able to read directions and getting lost all the time. - You have to go to Ft. Worth to get anywhere!!

Chapter 36 - Dr. Pepper is Heaven juice!

Chapter 37 - Facebook is Crack!!

Chapter 38 - Wow this is a long book.

Chapter 39 - I've left out so as to have another book!!

THE END! - I can't WAIT to read this book!

Do You Like.......?

2009-05-29T11:58:00.000-07:00

Have you ever received a random e-mail or text from someone that you know pretty well and it catches you off guard?
Out of the blue one of my co-workers e-mailed me this in the middle of a conversation.
Coworker: "Thanks for your help"
Me: "No problem"
Coworker: "Do you like sausage balls?"
Me: "............Random. But yeah, I guess...?"

Then she explained the reasoning behing the question. She was going to have her mother make some and then bring up to work. - Maybe THAT should have been the opening line!

Another came from my tenor singer. I mean this was out of the freakin' BLUE!
Text: Do you like turnips? - First of all NO! Who does? Second, give me the bottom line first. Tell me that you've recently...cropped?...Farmed?....dug up turnips and you are giving them away. Don't open with your random queries that all seem to deal with food!

I woke up one morning to the sound of the weatherman on the tv. Not ON the tv but, well, you get it! Anyway, he was so enthusiastic about the "high" today that I just wonder if the people up north, where they have "real" winters, must laugh their face off that we get 1/2 an inch of snow and SHUT THE STATE DOWN! Or it's LEVEL ORANGE today. Is that the ozone alert or are we under a terror alert?!

Moving on, whilst driving to work, that same morning, I noticed two ornaments hanging from the bumper of a truck. One was a horseshoe. Somewhere there is a horse with an uneccesary limp!
The other item was an oversized (I ASSUME they were oversized) pair of testicles! Somewhere there is a giant with a very high voice!
Also, that very same morning, I was listening to the traffic report (why? - because I drifted off in thought and wasn't paying attention) - I never care to know the status of traffic. I prefer to be surprised by a sea of tail-lights out of nowhere! Well, the traffic announcer said that there was a "fender bender".....is this the best they got? If you choose to stray from "accident" and insert a clever rhyming description, does is have to be the same one? How about "Bumper Thumper" - "Spoiler Boiler" - "Trunk Bump" - "Vehicle Pickle" ? Just to keep my attention.

To cap this drive to work off, I pulled in to a fast food joint drive thru for a breakfast treat (I feel as if I deserve it after putting up with the world and her weird ways) - I placed my order, pulled forward as instructed, and she gave me my total. I handed her my card then she swiped it on the OUTSIDE swipe thingy. But she gave me this look like: "(SIGH) There is a credit card machine on the outside of the building sir. Do I really have to process this for you??? - I felt so judged. I'm not comfortable with that. I'm used to handing it to the person. I never know if they are working. What if I swipe and it's broke, then they have to tell me "Oh no, I have to do it"? I don't want that kind of confrontation - I just want my breakfast burrito "bleep!"

Have a wonderful day and be careful driving, so you don't have a jam-ka-bob!....No good?

Dave

"Was that audible?"

2009-05-29T09:16:00.000-07:00

What is going on in the world? With me? - Well I went down to Fairfled Texas last weekend. The "Land of A Thousand Naps" - the weather was fabulous. I had two concerts. The first started at 11:00am Sunday morning. There were about 90 people there. 89 were happy to see (better translated hear) us. I plucked out the intro on the keyboard for the first song and we sang all the way through. I played the intro to the second and we started singing right on through.....UNTIL, the tenor finished his solo verse, where he happens to hit (and hold) a high note. I hear billowing out from the audience a 115 year old man saying "GUYS, GUYS, HEY, HEY, HEY NOW." "You gonna have to turn it down!" "I thought I was deaf when I walked in here, but clearly I'm not" [Isn't he most fortunate that we don't charge for healings?!;)]
The pastor had to get up, walk over to him, advise his departure! Four ladies, at the same time piped up to us "You guys just keep-a goin!" - And so we did! And so he left! And then we ate!

That afternoon, we spent the day at Andrea's aunt's house. 42 was played. Stories were shared. I introduced myself to the backporch swing and rocked in the beautiful weather while the kids took turns pushing each other in (and out of) the tree swing all-the-while laughing to myself at getting screamed at during church earlier that morning.

During a car ride featuring me, Andrea, and Caden, Andrea noticed an unpleasant smell in the car.
She then said "Caden, did you toot?" - he responded with "No..............Now I did!"

Ahh, the innocent young honest response of a future blogger!
Later Peeps!

If Necessary??

2009-04-23T10:45:00.000-07:00

Hello you!
I was at work changing out the toner in our wonderful copy/fax/printer/scanner/stapler/machine and I was wondering what to do with the empty trash toner. I noticed on the box that it said "If toner is swallowed, dilute by drinking a large amount of water. Consult a doctor if necessary." - I would like to dissect "Consult a doctor if necessary" - Does that mean "If it's necessary, THEN call a doctor?" Because, wouldn't you do that anyway? Or, does it mean "If you need a doctor, THEN consult?" In that case, if you knew that you needed a doctor....what would be the purpose of not consulting? Perhaps you like the taste of toner. The magenta really goes with swiss cheese and bread. Maybe it takes the stain of your teeth. Maybe you are trying to commit inkicide!
There are numerous reasons to avoid medical attention, but are there any reasons to print redundant things on packages? - Ah yes, lawsuits! They make it mandatory for us to put un-necessary things on things that prevent us from suing because - OOPS I accidentlly had a shot of toner and NOBODY told me that it may result in the necessity of a doctor AND that I should call just in case of consumption!!
Or, OOPS this coffee I just ordered is hot! Ice is cold! and so forth.
What if we took it a few steps further?
Caution: Don't jump off this mountain.
And, if it happened, pretty sure this is what the court reporter would dictate at the hearing:
"Upon notice of said mountain and the ensuing drop that would take place upon jumping forth hereby removing their person from the existing gravity and letting the newly chosen gravity to accept them and retract their being southward duely in the head-first position, at much speed to the earth, the plaintiff, now dead, being represented by family, still alive, wishes to press suit against the state, said owner of mountain. Wherewithal noting that the sign said "don't" and not "you'd better not" and "jump" instead of "leap" - the plaintiff, still dead, being represented by family, by marriage, would like to institute that, though they better not leap...the lept, henceforth and forevermore hereafter separating their limbs from the original placement and smashing the head that read the mal-formed sign, causing sudden, immediate death, as well as brief mental anguish, knowing that, once landed, the plaintiff, yes dead, represented by family, well, a cousin-in-law with nothing to do thinking they are in the will, would be made a spectacle of in this court, hence makes notice that said sign seems silly sitting so solemnly surrounded on a mountain when they should obviously place it at the spot where the plaintiff, now as flat as a 7 hour-old pancake ran over by a semi on the highway during a hot July day, is now buried. Therebywithalhenceforthness symbolizing that this is what happens if you jump.

Suit amount - Three Ka-Zillion dollars and South America!

Warning: Don't Read This Blog, or drink toner!

Later,

Magenta

Let's Shake On It!

2009-04-20T15:30:00.000-07:00

Hey again.
I am sitting here after hours at work waiting to go to quartet practice. Random thoughts pop in my head. What to do?? - I'll share with the reading audience!

Did you know that, before an automobile passes one of many inspections, the speedometer has to prove that it can reach it's highest number? If it says 100mph...while they have it on the lift it will be sped up until that number is reached.
What other things must go through this rigorious torture I wonder.... - TOOTHBRUSHES? Wrap yourself around this one. - In order for them to avoid "false-advertisement lawsuits" the maker(s) of toothbrushes HAVE to test them don't they? Can't just assume that the little bristles will do the job now can they? I'm sure that your t-brush is an A.B.M. Toothbrush (Already Been in Mouth!)

You want to know what hacks me off? - Probably not, but you got nothing else to do right now obviously, so you might as well humor me. - The "Meet and Greet" during a church service.
Who came up with this? - You arrive. Greet people. Go to Sunday School. Talk to people before class starts. Go to big church. Talk to people before service. The service starts and, about the second song "Let's all stand and greet someone you haven't greeted." - Half of the crowd does what? - Turns right around and shakes the person's hand sitting behind them all-the-while rolling their eyes because just 3 and a half minutes earlier THEY SHOOK THE SAME HAND! Another section (mostly elderly) just sits there (which is fine) because they are too tired to go around shaking people's hand. Then, there are the "Fly-around-the-church trying to set some kind of record for most people they can talk to before a song is finished people" - THOSE are the ones you are waiting for when the song-leader says "let's return to our seats"
But, you told us, not 40 seconds ago, to leave and go where someone else is. Make up your mind. If I left my seat to go see you, and you left your seat to go see brother Joe, and brother Joe went to go see sister Betty, and we ALL know that Betty ain't gettin' up for nobody 'cause it's too cold anyway and she's wrapped in a blanket that you know got stolen off the set of Little House On The Prairie, we end up walking around the auditorium never greeting anyone anyway! THAT is why I'm a piano player. So I can just miss all that mess and play. And, by the by, NOBODY ever comes to visit the piano player during that silly time of chaotic-momentary-memory-loss-that-we-JUST-spoke-to-each-other! Which we so affectionately call the "Welcome Time" - Welcome to what? Back to the aisle we were just standing in discussing how windy it's been. I've been at church nearly two hours at this point. If I wanted to talk to them by now.....I would have shook their hand BEFORE service started. Or (I don't know, call me a goober) - AFTER the service! Or maybe, I would drag them down to the altar during the invitation to pray for people who like having welcome time, which is probably just another way to sneak a quick choir practice in right in front of you.
Instead...just have all the first-time visitors walk up to the front and let us give them some big-ole' applause for visiting with us today - Now, RETURN TO YOUR SEATS!

Later, Dave

LOL = Little Old Lady

2009-04-19T14:21:00.000-07:00

Hi there. Today's post is brought to you by a left-brained, harmless nut, aching for attention (and comments) from his peeps.
Ah, it's April and it's just a little too windy to say spring is here. The ground is wet enough to limit my lawn-scaping career to "next weekend". I WANT A FREAKIN' DRAUGHT WITH NO WIND. That's it, - we're moving to Texas Stadium 'til they tear it down.

On my way in to work recently, I noticed a sign that said "It's Workzone Awareness Week." - Are we not to give a turkey about the orange-clothed guys and gals (I think she was a gal...she could sure handle a backhoe!) during the rest of the year? I was expecting next weeks' sign to say "Okay, resume not paying attention anymore and keep on speeding through like you are all alone on a highway going through New Mexico with no rest-stops for three hours!"
Later, that same day on the way home, **Wait** - let me set this up a little...
One thing that always makes me nervous is the elderly driving. Not only is there vision and hearing not at it's best, but there are idiots that CUT in front of people no matter who you are. Young people (like me)'s reaction time is bad enough, but to cut in front of someone that is half a step behind is ridiculous.
A second thing that bothers me is texting while you drive. Yes, I do it. Yes I BOTHER ME! You never know when someone hits the brakes unexpectedly. You glance down to read, reply, check Facebook, or the latest blog entry of the Dave-O Today, and BLAMO! You hit someone in a workzone. "But officer, I had no idea that I was supposed to be aware this week." "Tell it to the judge son!"
Later, that same day on the way home, I looked over and saw - an old lady, TEXTING! - W.I.G.O.? (What is going on?)(see if it catches on) I almost wanted her to plow into someone to teach her a lesson for being old, using a cell phone, driving - all at the same time as if to toy with my sensitive emotions, and to basically make fun of everything I stand behind concerning highway transportation safety! - Then again, I DO have something to blog about. So, HA HA Granny!! How do you like them prunes?

My oldest son comes up with questions out of nowhere. I swear he makes a list and just waits for an opening. Like:...(The following is an Actual conversation)

Drew: "Dad, is it raining?"
Dad: "Yes"
Drew: "OUTSIDE?"
Dad: "....Yes"
Drew: "Does the mail deliver in the rain?"
Dad: "Yes"
Drew: "Do spiders swim?"
Dad: "Some"
Drew: "Would a spider catch you if it chased you"
Dad: "NO, I make it a point to outrun ANY preditor chasing me!"
Drew: "What about a bull?" "It will charge you."
Dad: "What kind of interest rate?"
Drew: "......That don't make no sense."
Dad: "You're face don't make no sense."
Drew: (sound of walking away)
Dad: (smiling victoriously)

Not nice folks. But necessary!

Later, Dave

Prayers of the Time

2009-03-27T09:12:00.000-07:00

Good day. Sorry for the long absence.

Have you ever wondered how your prayer changes through the years? For those of us that do pray, that is.
First, the One you are praying to is key. Just for the record, my prayers are always to God and nobody/nothing else.

There are the routine ones that span the ages such as "bless me" "forgive me" and so forth. The "healing ones" (depending on whom is requiring) sick aunt, or ten different people having babies around the same time....;)

The prayer of Salvation taking premise above all. I have had the privilege of hearing my own, as well as my son's prayer of salvation.

Then, there are the important at the moment but will soon have no reason to exist ones.
When I was in Junior High I would pray that my dad would pick me up from school on Friday's so that I would not have to ride the bus. The bus was NOT a pleasant place for the Dave-O. In high school I would pray that I would cross paths with the girl that I would have a crush on that week but not have the courage to just walk up to and start a conversation........."Hi, I'm David." "Want to see my blog?" (Sound of slapping)
I prayed that the woman that I was to marry would be blonde, 18, and liked southern gospel. - Well done God! She's still blonde! Southern gospel? Not so much thanks to some buy named Buble'
I've prayed for various jobs and got over 90% of them.
It's funny, I will pray to wake up earlier to spend time with Him - I will without fail wake up as wide eyed as could be. The morning after that one? - You can FORGET about it. The first day is a gift, you have to work for the rest.
I've prayed to die at different times of my life. WHOA! That's deep Dave-O. It was just a "I'm ready to see You now kind of request"
I've prayed for popularity, wit, wisdom, patience (mistake), joy, happiness, humilty, death of all snakes, to play piano full time, to be able to dunk a basketball (on a ten foot rim), a brother, money, patience (mistake again) the ability to travel back in time with the knowledge I currenlty possess...

As age progresses I've noticed the changes. I've prayed for people not to show up where I've worked. I've prayed for traffic to be smooth so that there is no delay in an employee showing up for work and not destroying my day. I've prayed for trees to grow in my yard. Various marital, children, religious, professional, health issues.

The thing that I notice at this point are the things in which I have not prayed for.
I need to pray that people know how to take me, and to understand when I am joking. I need to pray for a closer relationship with those that should already have one with me, but because of their own upbringing, don't have it in them to initiate one with me. Or wisdom FOR others.

You know in the Bible in the book of Job where God has a conversation with Satan regarding Job's well-being and Satan pointed out that Job had a hedge of protection around him? - Well I've prayed for a hedge of protection around many things. Family, friends, and, more recently, I began praying for a hedge of protection around my car and truck. This eliminates accidents and mechanical problems!!

In closing, my suggestion, to all 3 or 4 of my readers is, that you would pray for the ability to see others' hearts. To hear what they are saying, despite the tone, and to feel what they are going through. Realize where they've been. To put so much of yourself aside that you have no choice but to place others before yourself.
And realize that I am praying for you everyday.

Now, I'm off to my concert wishing everyone a pleasant day!

Dave

Short and sweet.

2009-03-21T14:29:00.000-07:00

Hello, as I sat in my truck waiting for the mechanics to change the oil, I wondered why the guilt trip attitude...
"Sir, it's been a while since you've had your truck maintenanced" or "You need better wiper blades" .... I know this! Is there some reason that you must be so redundant with everything that flies from your greasy face?? Sounds a little bitter. That's because of how much they charge... - What? Why don't I change my own oil? - "Hi, I'm David." "Have we met?"
Moving on, Everybody be having babies lately. Sister in law, Best friend, guy that used to be in quartet with me, Cousin, Friends we used to go to church with..... - all due within about 8 months of each other. Was last year THAT good of a year? Oh well. Congrats to all. I'm sure you'll make wonderful parents.

Stay tuned for a blog on prayers.....

Dave

Breaker 1 - 9.....

2009-03-06T18:19:00.000-08:00

Greetings o' sane ones!
I work in a brand new hospital. It's 2009. I have an iPhone. Someone in Korea could read this blog if they choose to do so. Yet, with all of this technology, I find it amusing that one of my main tools of communication recently has been a walkie talkie.
Our phones were just now installed today. So, for the past week or so, the receptionist and I use our handheld-interference-grabbing little terrors to keep the flow of visitors at bay. We don't want anyone wandering around that is not supposed to be there. We also don't want any physicians, or other guests to go very long without being attended to. So, as soon as any blessed soul strolls through our double-automatic-state-of-the-art doors, they are greeted by our receptionist who then.....calls?..pages?..walkies?..me and says "I have so and so from someplace here to see somebody" (except she gets the names right)
So I then...relay?...radio?...talkie?..back and say "okay", then I call the appropriate person and tell them to go to the front. It sounds easy enough. But I found out that it's not a task for the faint-minded.- or anyone without patience....
There I sit in Administration where 3 different physicians are walking through our department getting tours, answering every command of the boss (which I consider a privilege) and filtering other traffic, the little smokey and the bandit symbol goes off! (***"I have czytlr with brzaxter to see phylllt***) - "You have who, from where, to see who?"
I'm sometimes across the room and don't here it and have to run over and ask her to repeat it. Usually a few seconds go by from the first initially misunderstood page and me reaching for it to ask for clarification. So, by the time I pick it up to mash the little button to talk, she pages again - "Hello, is anyone there" - at the same time I'm saying "Who is here?" So it's nothing but silence on both ends save for the last few words spoken by the person who said more. There are others in the hospital that are SUPPOSED to be on different frequencies. But we had "visitors" on the other end a couple of times. For 5 minutes, today, I was in the middle of an OnStar conversation!!
Whenever I have to go off campus to our other offices of lunch I pass it on to whomever is available (and that I trust can handle it.) By the time I get back, whether 30 minutes or an hour and a half, they are at the receptionist's table with the operator breathing heavy, slouching and outstretching their hand hardly waiting to give it back to me as I perambulate through the doors! Now that the phones are ready I can give it the proper burial!!

Birthday parties are fun aren't they? 8 year olds everywhere. Cake. Bowling. Beer. - Uh, beer? Yeah, that's right. The Dave-O was offered a beer at his son's friend's birthday party last week. That normal? Did I take it? That'll be a negative ghost rider! I think there is a redneck joke in there somewhere though!

Monday's are usually devoted to quartet practice night. The last one we had our baritone had informed us, well before we began, that he may not be able to sing due to sickness and sore throat. But, like a trooper, he showed up anyway. But, before he got to the church, he called and said that he's going to be a little late due to traffic. Duane (bass singer) took the call and told him not to talk. He said "snap once for yes" "Twice for no" - I quickly chimed in "Three times for 'I can't snap'"

My wife's aunt is a dispatcher and radios to the authorities/medical personnel whenever emergencies arrive. Recently, while at home, she had to call the ambulance. - Would have been convenient had she been on shift at the time. - Breaker 1 - 9 we have a 1041 in the Johnson home, then come on back and get me 'cause I don't feel well?" - Which would probably interfere with my walkie talkies and get me on the other end saying "You have who, from where, to see who....?".......

Later! Dave

If You're Happy and You Know It...you must be me!

2009-02-25T17:10:00.000-08:00

What a privilege it must be for for you that I blog two days in a row! Though I only have 3 readers...
Let's start off with someone I'm sure we've all encountered. The "Curser of Cubicles" the "Destroyer of Desktop Destinies" the "Prowler of Puckering Plentiness" - The Office Whistler!
Why does ANYBODY whistle for fun? What effort...what...what...noise!!
Located nearby, and ya gotta love the guy for his personality, is someone who INSISTS on whistling as soon as the office gets quiet. It's out of nowhere. The silent hum of the fan, the rustling of the paper on the printer, THEN it's like an Andy Griffith telethon is playing full blast in the next room!! For Heaven's sake, get that guy an ipod!

Let's go over just what exactly it is that I do now. (Cause I know you're just itching know) - or, maybe it's just allergies.
Anyway, I'm the Executive Administrative Assistant at a brand new hospital. My boss is the CEO/CNO/Administrator/Dali-Lama/Grand Pu-Bah!! When she says "jump" I say "Can you see the bottom of my shoes from here?"
Absolutely love my boss. My job is to be near her in case she needs..well, anything. From important items, to "get me two hazelnut coffee creamers" "and git sum four yurself, case we need sum for later" - Yeah, she's from Louisiana. But what she lacks in a Texas accent she makes up for in leadership skills.
My role to the hospital is to filter the people that need to see her. My reason for existence in employment stems from the fact that I can take 5 different 30 minute conversations and have it with her in about 3-6 minutes. The idea is for staff to come to me, explain what they need, and for me to ask her in bulk. Get the response and channel back to them. This works well if used correctly. As Mr. Miyagi says "If do right, no can defend!"
And, I'm proud of the majority that have embraced these rules and walk up to me first and say "I need to meet with her" or "Can you ask her about this?" - There are the few stubborn that have their struggles with it.......we'll pray for those!
I'm the rotweiller that makes you beg for mercy to see the master....actually just a pesky chihuahua,but I'll nip the fire out of your ankles if you get too close! I also help the Assistant Administrator. Who is from London and talks REALLY NEAT! Spot of tea, and all that nonsense!
It's also great to work about 30 feet from my wife. How we make this work I have no idea! But we do.

It's a good life. You're a good audience. I feel like whistling...no, not really!

Later, Dave-O

February Madness...

2009-02-24T19:45:00.000-08:00

Hey there!
What is it with a trip to Wal-Mart for the annual hair cut that brings out the blogger in me? What possesed the east-texas product to talk to me all the while whizzing the shears around my head? She offers "You have pretty hair" - Okay...Stop it right there!
THEN - she says "Dad used to have hair like this...........but now he doesn't have any"
Now, I'm thinking "did he die, or just go bald?" Silence was the wise choice! AND DON'T SAY "DAD" LIKE HE'S MY DAD TOO!

Remember when McDonald's went through an overhaul years ago? Now, they have the big, indoor playground. A "resaurant-like" atmosphere.
I think it's time that Dairy Queen does the same thing! First...put one in Greenville! Next, upgrade the inside. And, third (and most important) STOP flippin' the stinkin' blizzards upside down right before you serve them to me! You scare me to death EVERY time!
So, the wife and I take a Gilligan's Island-lengthed car ride (3 hours) to Oklahoma this past weekend for my best friend's 30th birthday. I witnessed a college girls' basketball game. They REALLY get into those things. We don't sit until the first basket is made by OU. The cheerleaders came up to our seats during half-time to give the birthday boy a surprise visit and let pictures be made with them. Which, I'm pretty sure that was the first time he has been that close to any cheerleaders! Sorry Shawn, but I went to high school with you! Kidding...no, not really. We were losers! So...HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
What is it with Oklahoma drivers thinking that they can just cut in front of you no matter what speed you are going? What, you think 'cause you got a panhandle too that you own the road? Well, you can just detach and move to Florida if that's the way you're gonna be!...But I digest.
So, we made it back.
Trying to create a routine of working out,(a routine being - more than once a week) I was doing some sit-ups in the living room when my 5 yr old Caden walked around the corner. He spouted "Hey, nice exercises you got there!" Then he pounced down and began to do the elusive sit-ups at three times the speed I was going! What a show-off! That made me upset enough to drive to the nearest Dairy Queen - but it's TOO Stinkin' far away!!

Good day friends.

Best Blog Ever

2009-02-14T12:53:00.000-08:00

As I was cleaning the house, listening to the ole MP3 player, dancin' around, singing along, my son walks up to me and gives me a look of "Dad, I need to tell you something" - so, I kneel down, take off the earpieces and say "What is it"?
He replies "Dad, you're the best dad ever." Now, obviously I'm the only dad he'll ever have so the bar is not set so high! But, atleast he was comfortable enough to tell me. That got me to thinking just how blessed I am.
I was recently given an opinion regarding marriage from someone not married and not planning on it. He said to me "Hey, I can go out with a different woman every night, do whatever I want, say whatever I want, with no tie-downs." He eluded to the fact that he thought I (married people) was trapped, had too many boundries, and would never be free. - Well, seems to me that he is living a self-induced goal of rebelling against his mother, trying to find happiness in being a "man-about-the-town."
I just celebrated my ten year anniversay to the "best wife ever" (stole that from the kid)
I am not pursuing a life of happiness, but happiness continues to find me. I have her to thank for that. Happy Valentine's Day, by the way!
I have a boss that qualifies as the "best boss ever"
She had the audacity to give God all the credit for the good news that she shared with us. My kind of boss!

Moving on, I am growing weary of trying to keep my profile updated on multiple networks. Facebook, Myspace, this Blog. We need to combine or something. Call it MyFaceToday! Or BookSpace-O!

Well, I'm gonna go now, but will return with my usual left-brained take on life and the incidences that cross my path.

Later, Dave

The little Darling

2009-02-06T10:58:00.000-08:00

Hey there,
Wednesday night the wife and I babysat my neice Baby Abby. She's 3 1/2 months old.
We picked her up from her mom (Jill) at church, 'cause that's where she works. - Jill, not the Baby Abby!
Anyway, the Baby Abby was asleep and was placed in her car seat and buckled in ;)
I kept looking back there every minute or so to see if I could detect movement or any unexpected fluid portruding out of her mouth-al area. Everytime I looked her little eyes were closed. - UNTIL...we got about 14 minutes down the road and I looked back and saw, in that little mirror thing strategically place on the headrest of the backseat facing the car-seat showing her great big-ole pretty eyeballs just-a lookin' around.
"What do we do"? I pondered to myself. Andrea was driving and we pulled into a KFC drive-thru. It was at the point of ordering that she decided to start crying. (The Baby Abby, not Andrea) So the cashier-order-taker-person had to hear little Baby Abby's displeasure of being in the backseat ALL ALONE. It was at that point that I decided to jump back there like Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Diaper, (I almost went with the Temple of Doo Doo!)and show her my face. - She cried even more! But I started to work some magic with the well-placed car-seat toys. And with some tapping of my fingers, funny voices, and an iPhone she calmed down and even smiled a bit.
Once we got home she was great! She ate and then let us take turns holding her and trying to get her to smile. (Which she did a lot of) Actually, Andrea held her a lot more than me. It came time for her bath and I waited patiently in the living room watching my beloved Mavs. (And, because I have issues with other people and bath tubs....we won't go there at this particular junction. May ruin the weekend!)
Once bathtime with the little Baby Abby was over, (You tired of me using "the baby Abby" aren't you?) "Just call her Abby" you're probably screaming!
- I wanted some pictures with me holding her. She was just a tad fussy, probably thinking about the backseat abandonement earlier in the day, so I gave the camera to the wife, held her in front of me and walked her to the bathroom to show her herself in the mirror. I walked back to the living room and from the time it took me to take 11 steps....she fell asleep! Oh well. We had a fun time nonetheless. OH! I just thought of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Burpcloth! - Nah.
I heard her only once in the middle of the night. I briefly thought about yelling out my new secret technique of putting her to sleep = bath + short walk to bathroom to glance at self in mirror before returning to living room. But I didn't.

Later friends, family, former co-workers still reading this thing!

Dave

(How about Indiana Jones and the Last Cool-Aid? (Give it up Dave)

Haaawwnnkk!!

2009-02-02T10:11:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I got busy!
How's it flappin? Me? All is well.
Took Drew (8yr old) to see the Harlem Globetrotters this Saturday. Entertaining. Drew especially got a kick out of the "tooting" sequence. It was a football play. It's too confusing to explain. We were on the third row on the floor so we could read the name brand on their socks!
After the two-hour display of athleticism I never had, we just HAD to go to McDonalds in a neighborhood I did NOT feel safe in. Then, headed to Audubon Park Baptist Church to set sound and get ready for a concert I had. (And to pray thanking God that we didn't get knifed!)
We had invited The First Voice Quartet to be featured as well. A good time was had by all (I guess). Nobody threw anything at us! We went to eat at Cracker Barrel, got home close to 11p and went to sleep.
The next morning, went to church where I noticed February misspelled twice on the overhead power-point. TWO different ways! Febuary, and Februay! Ah, the country!
I guess it doesn't matter if you can spell as long as you're not going to burn in Hell for eternity!! - Wow, you see that one coming?
Moving on, let's talk about car horns. What year is it? Must they STILL sound like an alien abducted a buffalo and is screaming for help?? "Haaawnkk!" It's one of the most annoying sounds under the sun. (I went Ecclesi' on ya)*
Why not make 'em actually say stuff.
Guy pulls out in front of ya - "HEEEYY!" or "MOOOVE!" or "GOOOO!"
Or maybe put a little flair. "Oh, no you di-in't!" "Boy, I will slap you!"
Or - "Get yo' sick, sad Pinto out of tha way 'afore I ram it with my truck...yeah it's gota a Hemi...and I'll stick this bumper so far up your trunk that everytime you turn your blinker on my six-disk-cd changer will start randomly playing music by people that also drive big cars that will run you over should you so choose to PULL OUT IN FRONT OF THEM LIKE YOU JUST DID TO ME!!"
......Maybe we'll leave it at "beep"!
Another little of life's ironic happenings crossed my path while reading in the bathroom......too much info.? Sorry, but a recent fact that I've discovered is that the iPhone makes your poo's an average of ten minutes longer. There's just soo much stuff to browse on that little devil!
Anyway, I noticed that, recently in Illonois, a plagerism policy that had been written was apparently .....PLAGERIZED from a previous location. - Good going.

*Ecclesi is a biblical reference to the book of Ecclesiates where it uses the phrase "Under the Sun" a lot. (This is a teaching blog)

Later, let me see if I can post these pictures correctly!

(is that better?)

Dave-O

And ssso it begins!

2009-01-27T16:20:00.000-08:00

There once was a guy named Ray
Who had a little too much to say
When trying to help at work
He wound up being a jerk
That's what I'll speak on today...

Okay, his name is not Ray, but, whatever!

Question. If you know very little about someone's belief, do you honestly think you can speak as an expert on the subject? An amateur?
I don't speak Spanish very well. So....I will not interrupt a conversation between two people speaking the language and tell them how they ought to speak.
If I did speak Spanish...I guess that would yield to me a certain right if they were in the wrong.
As a male, I couldn't tell a woman how to give birth. Even a male OBGYN couldn't effectively tell a woman how to respond to that kind of situation.
If you don't believe in God, can you tell a Christian that they are wrong for not acting more like a Christian? Don't get me wrong, if a person proclaiming to be a Christian is doing something or(several things) wrong, they need to be corrected.
But what makes them wrong in the first place? Well, the bible simply says so. So the bible needs to be read by that person. Or a person with a strong knowledge certainly has the right to intervene. Not someone quoting the age old "you're supposed to be a Christian" that has very little experience in such things. You wouldn't want a janitor doing heart surgery on you.
What if someone believes in God, but doesn't go to church very often, hardly ever prays, and never acts like a Christian? - Can they tell a Christian that they are wrong for anything? They can say - "you hurt me." or "I don't like the way you act." That's perfectly fine because you are not trying speak a foreign language that don't know!

And, here's the kicker, what if, I mean, is it possible, that you were offended at something that was actually GOOD for you? What if the something that happened was going to happen but not for a long time and would happen in a worse way making you look worse and you're just being a baby?!

Let me bottom line it a couple of times.
If someone goes behind your back, that means they'll go behind the back of the one they are going to behind your back. The bible is very exact on that kind of person - and a Christian knows better. So, if a Christian does this it's an issue that he/she needs to deal with (that's right) God about. They need to pray, realize what they've done, repent and respect the wishes of those they've offended.
By the way, do you honestly think that someone that tells you what someone said behind your back told you EVERYTHING? Of course not! Your assumptions are wasted. You know 1/4 of the story - I PROMISE.
What's done is done.
I'm 30. Not the first time/last time I'm going to deal with this. You's either. (yes, you's)
Imagine the alternative....the weight still on the shoulders, the awkwardness, the unknown. Replaced with bitterness that will dissolve, everyone in agreement about one person, and the newfound prospect of "I wonder what was really said" - If you're not doubting at this point, then the shortsighted train has stopped at your station.
You think it would have been better had nothing been said? Well keep dreamin' lollipop.

For the rest of you. - I'll return with something more entertaining tomorrow! (And you know who will be reading as well)

There once was a guy named Dave
Who tried his best to behave
Who's fault it was that he spoke
And hearts he surely has broke
But for their best, for their best, he was brave

Later, Dave

Reap....Sow....Wal-Mart.

2009-01-23T10:00:00.000-08:00

Greetings. I'm coming to you live from my wonderful recliner that vibrates (or "shakes") as my son says. The reason that it's the middle of the day and I'm not at my place of employment is because "my employment" no longer exists. Atleast not for another 60-something hours.
That's right, yesterday was my last day at Desperate Office Wives! I'm gonna miss the "educational conferences" that we had. That's when they would turn and say something inapproptiate to me about their personal lives. (Oh, you know I loved it!) I guess I should be thankful that they were comfortable with me. Could have been a lot worse. Let me recap my 6 week tenure. 1 week of minimally productive work marred by personal conversations, laughter, and food! - Hey, it was the holidays....and I started most of it! Followed by 5 weeks of awkward tension due to saying too much in one area and not enough in another. It was quiet at times. Too quiet. Rumors abound. Names (that's right) names tossed around with little stories attached to them would erupt albeit silently and cleverly timed as one or more exited the room. The true feelings from one to others and others to one was discovered. Complaints about not being able to say anything because it would "do no good" was heard. A plan or two hatched to refocus the office stucture. It's not 1 against many or many against 1. It's 1 against many against another 1 that have no clue about a third 1. And maybe a pair, and another three over here. Heroes on both sides. There was an old man with a young girlfriend, and when he spoke....I would lose IQ digits.
Or, I'm making all of that up. Which is likely, because I used to watch Days Of Our Lives on DVR! Let's chalk it up to a wild imagination and wish them the best. I made good friends there and will always be there for all of them. Just not one to twelve feet for 8 hours a day!
Here's to a good year Burt, Ernie, Big-Bird-Britney, whatever that "dog's" name was, and the truckstop queen! Oscar the Groutch says "Peace!" And whatever you reap, you will sow. If you speak ill.....you won't win. For Heaven's sake be quiet about your feelings. Unless you are confronting the one (or ones) that it has to do with. Use Bambi's mama's rule if you have to. Be patient and if you're indeed a "big girl" the test is now.
Moving on...
I will be working for a brand new hospital starting Monday morning. I believe my experience in working in the ER, Radiology, Med-Surg, Central Supply, Billing, and Admitting has afforded the experience to do this job well. And, my boss has A.D.D. which I speak fluently!! Working with some old characters and brand new dramatic specimens promises to give me material for months to come!
As a quartet pianist, it's important for me to have.....uh...bookings! So I've made some recent attempts to reach some contacts of mine to see if I could get in my church. I asked my aunt if we could get in at her church. Her reply "We are meeting at the school once a week and are currently in the middle of a building project" "It will take 12 to 18 months" - My thoughts - Have more services. More services means more offerings! Take about four a day 6, 7 days a week. Should have your new building in about a month - then we could come and sing 4 concerts in one day - EVERYBODY WINS!
Another fella said "We have one group coming in October." "I'll pencil you in for 2010"
What, are we the Beatles? We'll come do a sunday school party or something. Sheesh!!

Lastly, an interesting pick-up whilst shopping at Wal-Mart with the wife-o.
As we passed by some shirts she said "It's on clearance" "It's only $7.00" I said "It's free if you don't take one!" - My frugalness amazes me sometimes.

One last thing (even though I've already typed "lastly")
I've had some recent comments about not bloggin enough. "I check it a couple of times a week, but you don't update that often" I've heard. But my favorite was from one that said "I'll keep reading 'Dave-O Every other day' 'cause it's like once a week!"
Why don't you "Geet outa my blog?" - I'm kidding. Don't ever stop reading. ANY of you. I need you. I need you like the desert pants for the rain. Pants? On clearance?.........

Until next week, Capt'n Happ'n

Good Tidings

2009-01-16T10:11:00.000-08:00

This is the day that the Lord has made. Let me rejoice and be glad that the office girls have left me alone for lunch. - DRAMA! But we'll save that for a safer time....
First off. The steak night went well. At this particular place, they don't have menus. Instead, they give you a two-sided card to flip. Red side up - they don't bother you. Green side up - get your stinkin' hands off the table 'cause there's about 7 guys with swords and cleavers with enough meat hanging off of them to re-inact the Rocky carcass punching scene! - Of course this meat was cooked. And was very good. I went to get my salad, accidentally knocked over the card flipping it to green.....when I got back to my table, Pedro was waiting for me to select a chicken to plop on my plate.
But the evening's finest moment came 3/4 of the way through. A waiter brought me a slice of key lime pie with a candle in it and said "for the birthday boy"

As the table began to say that he made a mistake I quickly hushed them, blew out the candle, and reminded them that you NEVER turn down birthday presents! (Even if it belongs to the (gulp) table riiiiight next to you) (Even if your birthday is a good six months away) (are you shocked that I'm not telling you the date?)
Moving on, there are many mixes in life. Male/Female. Day/Night. OJ Guilty/OJ Guilty...?
I found out this morning what happens when you mix redneck accent with hip-hop slang.
The infamous Starbucks drive-through-window-order-taker-person always has something to say. "Ya got uh long drive ahead of ya?" or "Cold out. Ain't it?" Which are harmless but still awkward for the Dave-O and Wife-O in the mornings. We just want our beverages. No conversation. In fact, you don't have to even ask for our drink orders. I think a little light should go off once they are ready for you to order. Then you press a button on the menu, put your money in (like the self check-outs at Wal-Mart) drive up to the window, reach in and grab your freshley poured items, and then drive off with a smile! :)

No. Not gonna happen with Marsha. :(

I assumed she would say something. Something profound like "D'ja hyair 'bout the plane that crashed in New York?" "BUURDS, they said it was!"

Well, she didn't say that, but she did reveal her urban side as she popped her head out after handing the wife the drinks and noticed across the highway that a police officer had pulled someone over. "Aw, did the 'PO PO' get him one?" she belts............................Andrea forced out a "guess so" then floored it out of there!! - Enough with the uncomfortable banter lady!

Here's hoping for a good weekend and knowing that my birthday is July 12!

Later, D. O.

Steak Night - after a week from the bad place!

2009-01-10T10:04:00.000-08:00

I don't know if I'm glad this week is over only because I never know what the next week holds anymore. First off, this week we witnessed something that just gives you all kinds of warm feelings. - 5 fire trucks rushing to the next-door hospital! Apparently, a fire of the kitchen kind.

They say your resolve is tested most during the midst of the storm. Well, who is "they" and isn't Resolve a carpet cleaner? I think it depends on who you are as to when you are tested the most. For me, it's the waiting game for life's little diddy's to unfold. I don't mind the training, the introductions, the fighting....I hate sitting in the corner waiting for the bell to ring! But that's when we rest. Guess I'm not a great rester.

Friday had an array of swings to it. First, I had to drive in because I had to pick up my kids after work. That's fine, I just knew that I get off at 5pm and that I had to get them before 6:00p or it's $5.00 per child per minute after 6pm. Now I'm not that great at math - but that's like a $458,000.00 dollars an hour, or something!

So, I'm driving in knowing I have a small battle on my hands. The wonderful place, that saw no more need in me being employed, is refusing to pay my PTO time. Which, apparently stands for, "Pretty Tough to Obtain" - 'cause that's what it's turning into.

So, this is on my mind as I'm driving in AT or UNDER the posted speed limit. I noticed, parked on the shoulder of the highway, a Carter Bloodcare Bus with (the driver, I guess) pouring gas into it. Ironic that a company whose job description is taking fluid from people forgot to fill it's own tank with fuel!

I arrive to work. Begin my day, all the while thinking of whom (that's right, whom) I need to call at lunch (when it's appropriate to be on the phone or e-mail personal matters ;>)

So during my hour lunch I had to make a trip to my former place of employment. It wasn't easy returning to the dark side. I had a conference call with the the HR person and her Corporate counterpart. I was told some pretty disheartening things about people and what they had done/said to/about me. Using the "/" a lot/bunch today.

Needless to say I didn't get the answer I was seeking. Instead, I was asked to send a formal e-mail requesting my PTO. And so I did, once I returned to work. Unless the boss is reading...in that case - after work. (but it was during)

The afternoon drew a depressing breeze for me, BUT my two colleagues must have felt this and decided to cheer me up. They really did make my day better by doing things such as one of them belching so bad that it smelled like, and I quote "An elk died and a previous pile of vomit protruded from it's carcass." I, of course said that...and the raucious laughter insued. Nothing better than a pair of snorts coming from two giggling ladies! It may not have smelled that bad but I did ask that one of them fart...quickly! (You know, the old "did you fart? Well would ya?!!)

I needed that playful atmosphere to alter my way of thinking that afternoon. Because I was struggling with being the "better person." You see, I knew who the people were that did what they did and I wanted to do something back. But my two "able" co-workers advised against it- and for that, I'm grateful. (and I'm sorry I blogged about the belching thing ;<)

I guess I'll find out Monday what came of my wonderful visit, and ensuing e-mail.

But, before I go, I have one question. When did homeless people start getting so creative? I'm leaving Friday and I pull up to a four-way intersection and a homeless guy has a sign. Now, I'm not going to tackle the obvious issue of "where'd he get the marker to write?" - Instead, I'd like to focus on what it said.

Usually you get a good "Hungry. Need food, change." or a "Help, cold, homeless" - which are short, to the point and get the message across.

But, this guy shifted the old noggin' from first to fifth!

His sign read: "Homeless, hungry. Scraps would be nice. McDonald's would be great!"

What?? That's awesome! That's putting it out there. Honesty cracks me up sometimes.

Oh, yeah..."did I make it by 6?" - Let's just say that, after driving home AT and ABOVE the posted speed limit - I pulled out of the Daycare driveway with both of my kids in the truck with the clock reading 5:59pm!

So, tonight the wife and I are being taken out for a nice steak dinner. And that makes me say "McDonald's would be nice. Texas De Brazil would be great!"

Have a wonderful weekend!!

The Awkward Meter

2009-01-08T10:11:00.000-08:00

Most of you know that I have a built in awkward meter. In fact, once, where I used to work, I took a paper plate, cut out a paper arrow, pinned it on, wrote a 1 to 10 number scale (somewhat like a clock) and hung it beside my desk in my cubicle. The reasoning behind this was due to the abnormal characters that worked there with me and would either come and talk to me, or would do something within a viewing distance and I would feel the need to raise the marker up to an appropriate level. (usually a nine!)

I kind of wish that I had it today. The girls and I had just fixed our lunch from On The Border that a rep catered to us. I took a plate full of goodies, or el-goodos to quote the pertinent vernacular, to my desk. I sat down to eat, and, about 40 seconds later, we were brought a patient that had a question about his bill. "Oh you're eating I see" said the guy that escorted the patient to us. So up hopped one of the dynamic billing girls to assist. I had to cover my plate with a napkin and turn to dynamic girl number 2 that had her back turned (hiding the plate 'o food) and say "the meter would be up there about now!"

Moving on. Last night I watched the People's choice awards and came to the conclusion that Carrie Underwood may be the greatest vocalist ever! The lip-synchers of the world could learn a lesson on what real pipes are. Keeping with the musical theme, let me tell you of one song that I could DEFINATELY do without. Julianne Hough's song that keeps repeating the words. Something about "rain" "rain" "rain" and jumping off a "cliff" "cliff" "cliff" - that wears me out and makes me want to plunge off of the third floor floor floor where I work!!

Thanks for spending a few minutes with the Dave-O!

The Powers That Be

2009-01-07T10:33:00.000-08:00

What is it with people's view of other people? (Present writer excluded)
Let's start at the bottom. What makes the lowest person on the employment totem pole think that the people above them don't know what they're doing? And the people fortunate enough to be over them to look down at them?
Now, I don't know where the bottom is but we can start with the minimum-waged-limited-responsibility ones first. They complain of their little pay, horrible hours, and possible bad smell of their environment. All the while insulting the boss because "if I don't do it, he/she sure won't"

What about middle management? (I've been here, sort of) They/we are probably the worst. They are the first to have "people" under them, and yet, there are dozens above them that they report to. They get yelled at because productivity is not on par. Then they depend on their staff to get the job done ("that's what she said') - sorry!

But staff has no motivation because they have a bad situation at home, and always catch it from the peon-little-supervisor who knows nothing anyway.

What about middle management's relationship with upper management? Constantly asking for status. Constantly preaching that money is low, or productivity is not good enough. A motivational tool no doubt, but leaves a raw taste in the m/mgmt's mouth because - that's right, upper management does not know what they are doing anyway. Right? What about the Corporate world? Sitting up in their offices all day. Cancelling meetings, e-mailing, asking people to e-mail, re-e-mail, then going to the meetings. Demanding reports 5 minutes ago that Upper mgmt depends on m/mgmt to gather for them while watching over the bottom of the barrell. What about the "top-dog/s?"
Is it possible that they don't even know the names' of employees who have trodded along on the treadmill for their well-being for many years? Do the "little people" even get how hard they've worked to get where they are?

Let's take it out of the professional world to the spiritual. Do kids view their parents, as parents view, peers/celebrities, sports athletes/coaches, who view, politicians/world leaders with that kind of format? Do we all look up to God and assume that He "does not know what He's doing?"

You answer this question every day. With every move.

Maybe. There are a few house-keeping, insurance verifying, "billing specialists," secretaries, managers, coaches, CEO's Senators, Kings work their little tails off. Respecting each individual that they encounter because they depend on them and realize the need for them. Working together with them.

Point~ That we would acknowledge that God is indeed the CEO of life. He is also the housekeeper. Because we don't always do it.

He should be the center of our decisions. "Should we have more kids?" "Should I take this job?" "Should I start a blog and abandon the SFNewsletters removing ability for me to 'force' my thoughts onto people, risking that I am only down to 2 or 3 readers because the multitude of fans I once had are (sniff) over me! FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE COMMENT!! - .....What was I talking about?...Oh yeah.
Wake up, consult God on what you should do with your day.
Should I be mean to my spouse? Should I talk to my kids? Should I go to church? Should I allow my family to ride the DART Rail Train Thing to the MAV game despite the certain threat of violence due to the very mean looking passengers? Should I be the better person at work and let them "win" for now. Should I pray for the powers that be because I don't know their situation. Should I talk about personal issues at work (because it may get back to the wife?) (ha) - And, NO to that one!

No. Nobody else knows what they are doing. You are the only one that can do anything. And will do it better that anyone....if you think that way - you need a good kick in the kisser! Of course you don't know them. Pray for them, be the better person, and limit your use of the DART Rail.

God bless us everyone! (We need it)

Pieces!

Kid-isms

2009-01-05T10:06:00.000-08:00

Hey there.
The year is off to a good start. My oldest son Drew got a soccer/goal/net/thing that I had to put together. I did it INSPITE of the instructions.
It came time to take it out and bend it like what's his name. A good time was had by all. I had to make up about 23 different 3-man games to keep their attention. During the "game" Caden, the 5 yr old had some great Caden-isms. Two of the three soccer balls got kicked over the net way out in the field. (dad probably had something to do with that) - off the boys took off to retrieve. Half way there Drew must have hit a gopher hole or something because he completely wiped out onto the ground. Which prompted Caden to turn and say (while still running) "Watch out for that grasshopper!"
20 minutes later the ball was kicked, again, way out in the field, (maybe we need to have a ball control course or something) Drew took off to get it which prompted a yell from Caden, this time sitting on the porch - "Watch out for the grasshopper!"

Once finished with the external kicking of the ball we came inside. Such a beautiful day we decided to open the windows and let the (uh?) January air flow through. Unbeknownst to me, one of the screens on our window was off. Well, it was actually knownst, I just didn't want to put it up at that time. In flies 1 of 3 bees.

I was outside and my wife sticks her head out the window saying "there's a bee in the house"
I walked ('cause why run just to get stung?) around to the front where little Caden was waiting for me. "Dad, there's a bee on the loose!" - As if we have trained hives of them and one of the native bees ecaped or something.

Moving on to Sunday. Drew had finally decided to get baptized. We called in the fam and had 4 times the crowd we normally do. (Small church)

The deal with country churches is that you have old country heaters heating the old country....baptistery?....baptistry?..... - We were depending on the old-240-volt-acme-water-heater-deluxe-heat-o-matic!
Sunday night arrived. Mommy and little Drew went to change and we sang some songs. The reason that we knew the water was cold was that the preacher yelled "OH IT DIDN'T WORK!" as soon as he entered the water! We heard it over everyone's singing! Ah, but Drew was a trooper. He did have to comment as soon as he got out. "That was soo cold!" Then, a few minutes later he said "It was cold though" "I mean cool" "Not cool like it was cold, but cool like it was awesome!"

We are very proud of him and are relieved that electrocution was avoided.

Let's have a good year, and, for goodness' sake - watch out for that grasshopper!!

What's in a lame?

2008-12-30T10:14:00.000-08:00

When I started work two short weeks ago I tried to make a good impression. I politely laughed at the little jokelets. Looked interested during the minutely entertaining stories of they babies (they put on purpose). I know when my three female office companions' cycles start. I've been baptized with tampon fire and blend in perfectly. - There was morning and there was evening...THAT was the first day!!
So, the second day, I was my complete self. Taking the joking, and zingers to new levels, watching as they MARVEL at the speed and clarity of my silliness. No longer was I this hot new co-worker......(okay, I even laughed at that)...now, I was "one of the girls" and everything I said was just enough over their head that they had to think and either comment with a "you're so strange" or laughter that resulted in multiple personnel snorting!

Fast forward to today. I thought we were mature enough that I could tell a simple little story of something that happened to me. Not a joke. Not a humorous anecdote with a quip on the end. No, one of "their" little short stories that seems sooooo entertaining that they think everyone else needs to listen. - Here was my story...
"So yesterday, I was driving on the bridge going over Lake Ray Hubbard, and I saw a car that had rear-ended another car parked on the shoulder. Then, about 50 yards ahead of him was, no doubt, the vehicle that he had the collision with backing towards him. When we passed I noticed that the driver backing up was about 99 years old. He doesn't need to be driving backwards. He doesn't even need to be driving forward, much less over a bridge."

That was it. That was my story. I was NOT looking to make anyone laugh. I was just telling a random event that happened to me. One of my co-workers spoke up with a "Was that the end of that story?"
"Uh, yes" I replied. "Am I supposed to be ultra-funny everytime I talk now?" "Can't I just tell a mindless little something?"
Do I really have to be "on" the whole time?

Darn it. Why did I have to be born so dog-gone fabulous?!! - Kidding....a little.

I did try to tell the same story to another co-worker with the hopes of a more pleasant reaction. She went on to tell me about the casualties of old people being on the road! Yikes! Will this ever end? I just want one person to say (are you ready for it?) .."Oh, really" and then move on. No silly comments about my story being more enlightening. No "is that it's!"

Since I'm a baby I went on a quest to then say something lame/funny to try to change my mood. One girl had mentioned that an acquaintance of hers had an allergy to cashews. I brought this back up and reiterated that the "cashew made him achoo" - Huh? Nice right?

Okay, one more. (time for the home-run)
Another lady in our office was yawning and, as I passed by, she said "David" - But I didn't really understand her and I stopped and waited for her to re-address me. She did and I hopped over to see her and said "sorry I didn't stop before I thought you were swallowing a small bear!" - Bet that one did it for you!

Have a pleasant one. And, remember, the bridge story wasn't meant to be funny. Just mildly interesting and listened to with respect to the speaker never calling out the ability to tell a story.

The "edge" of reason....

2008-12-23T10:35:00.001-08:00

Folks, fair warning. Do NOT read this.
I'm serious. It is not pleasant.

Okay, FINE. Continue at your own risk.

Thursday the 18th. There I was. In my office 8:29am - It was a relatively quiet morning. My eye was bothering me. I had started a new project at work. The day was going just fine.....until............in walked the office nurse. With a story to tell.

"Ya'll" she said. "This morning I was in the shower, shaving my pits and when I went to switch from the left to the right, I cut my nipple with the razor!"

All of the blood drained from my face. Me and the office manager immediately clutched our busoms! I heard a legion of demons screaming off in the distance. I had forgotten about my eye irritant - due to the vision loss, no doubt.
It was the single worst thing I had ever heard. ALL BEFORE 9AM!!!

I can't even go on.......Merry Christmas!

Weather or not!

2008-12-17T10:23:00.000-08:00

So I'm watching Ice Road Truckers last night to try to get some tips on how to drive in to work.

No, not really. But I wish there more than "two" types of drivers out there. 1. The ones going too slow. and, 2. The "what ice?" Drivers.

Bridges are far too plentiful around here.

Let me give you a lesson in who I work with.

As previously stated, I work within slapping distance of two females. Which is not good for a smart-butt like me. I pay dearly for my quips. But they make it so darn easy! They are like Burt and Ernie, except they aren't boys, they don't live together, and they are not muppet characters. But anyway, we made a pact to be nice to each other today. That lasted 10 minutes, then another 7 minutes, we just keep re-making the pact.

The boss is nice and in the same office area. She will throw a paper-clip every now and then. It's not all fun and games though. We get food brought to us by reps as well!! It's not all fun, games, food, fights, though.............let's just say that someone brought a "fart machine" - (not that we needed one, but that story won't make it this time)

But it's not all fun, games, food, fights, and farts, though......I do manage to get work done.

Then, I go home, throw the football (in the house) with the kid, play x-box 360, chase the wife around. But it's not all football, games, and fun though........well, actually it is - with an occasional Frazier episode. Come to think of it, life is grand. I will take this moment to be thankful and pray for many individuals that don't have it so well.....or, don't see that they have it well. Selah.

Thanks for the comments.

I wish you well this season with the hopes of next year being successful.

Talk to you later, keep it on the road! - Dave

What'd I tell ya?

2008-12-15T10:53:00.000-08:00

Greetings from the third floor of a Dr's office building across from Doctor's Hospital. Dave-O coming to you live from his.......new job!
That's right folks, this morning I resume employment-ness. Calling and appealing on claims, getting things paid. Something I rather enjoy doing. In an office with three ladies. Two of whom are exactly ONE foot away from me. Oh, they like to talk. They are very nice and I fit right in - thanks to my warm personality and the fact that my wife's best friend is my new boss, who is keeping an eye on me!
I told you people that God will take care of me. Thanks for the comments about having all this free time..........lol.

So far, I've had to move the pink ipod station from my desk (1. To try to concentrate, and 2. Well, the pink thing)
I've made fun of my new co-workers. What is it about me that makes me think that I can so quickly poke fun at people that I barely know? - Must be that warm personality thing again.

Got to go. Boss is watching. and APPARENTLY I have to post more pics of the kids.

Later, Dave

Vengence.....is NOT mine.

2008-12-12T08:13:00.001-08:00

Two undeveloped rolls of film were talking. One says to the other "Why you being so negative?".....

Gump was wrong. Life is not like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you know exactly what you're gonna get.....you just may not know when.
What a year! What a week!

You know those people that like to quote scripture when it's convenient for them? Well I'm gonna take a slightly higher road......slightly.......and try to sum up this past Wednesday. This brings me to Psalm 94:1 - O Lord God, to whom vengeance belongeth, show thyself.
I lost my job. Yes, I've checked behind the couch. I was terminated based on lack of experience. Doesn't matter that I was there for 14 months. Doesn't matter that I was never written up. What matters is that a person who came from a bankrupt facility, that has been with the company for 3 months, and has never met me face to face......can determine if I'm not qualified. Well, technically we did meet. We met Wednesday. My last day of work.
"It's finally nice to meet you." "Not just e-mailing and talking on the phone." "We are restructuring the Admitting office and we need someone else with more experience."
At that point I was just the wee bit concerned, that is until the HR lady said "So, you gotta box for your stuff?"...........
"Well, it was nice to meet you!"

This takes me to Malachi 2:3"Behold, I will corrupt your seed and spread dung upon your faces."
(Friends, dung is poo)

I leave any negative dealings with God. I will move one peacefully. He gave me that job....He took it away. He'll give me another.

It's been a great year. Full of ups and downs. Andrea and I had some obstacles to overcome. Overcame we did. I've seen the passing of a presidency. My son received salvation. I have a new neice. I began playing for a quartet again.
Being the baby that I am, I will surely be at a "woe is me" state in the future. Not today. Today, I realize just how good I have it. Family and friends that love me. (And that I love very much)

Whatsoever a man shall reap, that must he sow. 70 years from now I won't be here. (probably)
Just exaclty what can I do, and what can happen to me that will affect me after I'm gone?

What I can do is make good decisions. And, ANYTHING can happen. That does make it fun. I can lose my job 15 days before Christmas with two small boys under 10 yrs old, a horrible mortgage, car note, - but see that Christmas shopping is already finished. The car will be paid for next year. The boys simply prayed for me to find another job. I still have concerts next year.

If I don't step He cannot steer. I'll be just fine.
And as for my former employment....this brings me to Isaiah 22:18

Play Ball!

Sick-O Today

2008-12-08T08:11:00.000-08:00

Good day friends and family. Good if you're not as sick as I be.

Thanksgiving was subtle. Good food, decent football, lots of baby pictures.

Today I've got several topics to cover so let's get to it.

First: Bumper Stickers. - I'm driving to work and I see, on the back of a pick-up. "Follow me to ..." and it had his church name. I thought "what if I followed him and he went somewhere else?" What if I followed him to his job and he worked at KFC or something. I would get out and say "Hey." "I thought I was following you to your church?" - He would say "Well, now that I've got you here..." (thinking that this would be a good time to witness to me) - but I would interrupt "You can't show me the way to Heaven...you don't even know how to get to your church!" - Now, that probably would not happen. But it does bring up an interesting subject. The age-old question of which came first the chicken or the egg. (Note the KFC reference)
My thoughts are "the frying pan gets them both in the end" - Be the frying pan, my friends!
My favorite bumper sticker is "If you can read this...I've lost my trailer!" - but no one asked for my favorite.

Next on the list is "What if you drive a Mary Kay car...and you're ugly?" Now, what constitutes ugly? - You'll know one if you see one! But enough with the false advertisement.

Last on the list: The "Starbucks-drive-through-person-that-talks-too-much"
First off, it's usually morning. - I do NOT want to talk any more than I have to. So don't ask me for anything else. Just take my order, give me my total, take my money, and hand me my warm beverage. Classic example (You know you want one!) We usually pull up the ordering menu around 6:55a - Are we greeted with a "May I take your order?" - No. Instead we get Marsha, who has apparently been smoking for as long as I've been alive!

"Welcome to Starbucks, would you like to try one of our new Mocha-Truffle-Winter-Blast-Twist-Spritzer-Chinos?"

No. We would like two Tall White Chocolate Mochas with Caramel (pronounced Car-Muhl) on top.
Marsha: "Okay, that's two tall white mochas with caramal, would you like a warm blueberry muffin to go with that?"
No.
"Marble Cake?"
No.
"Cracker?"

No.

"Hot-Oil Massage?"

What is it with those people?

She gives us our total and we pull up to the window of everlasting small-talk! "That'll be $7.46 - are you having a good morning?" (sound of gunshot)
JUST GIVE ME MY CAFFEINE WOMAN!!

It's the same no matter where you go. "You headin' in to work this mornin'?"

"Yes, kill me now!"

Not that I'm against small-talk and being nice. It's just that I don't like small-talk and being nice.

As you know, I work in a hospital. I'm over the Business Office. I've recently been instructed to forward all billing-related calls to our Corporate office. I gladly do this (mostly because I know how this will turn out.)

A lady calls me and says that she disagrees with the charged amount. I transfer her to a "billing specialist"

The "billing specialist" calls me back and says that he just got off the phone with this woman who was upset at her bill. He told me that he told her that he did not know what to do about it. He told her "I'm just in billing....."

Folks - I've got it! Let's give him a job at Starbucks. Even if you want to order something besides your lengthy-named beverage, he won't give it to you....cause he's just a cashier! Heck, you may not even have to pay for it...'cause (that's right) HE'S JUST IN BILLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Multiple gun shot sounds)

Have a pleasant one. Look out for yourself!

Sick-O

Barber And....

2008-11-13T13:00:00.000-08:00

The initials of my last name must be an acronym for S.hoot M.e I.n T.he H.ead!! Perhaps I bring it on myself. As I browse the other blogs I'm confined not to complain too much. There's much more than me happening around here. Babies on the way, babies just arrived, marital problems, people stuck in jobs that drive them to an unhappy place in their brain. As I ponder my life there's a tendency to either be overjoyed at the blessings, or completely dismayed by the negativity that I encounter. Never a medium. So, out of respect of others who definately have it rougher than me, I will defer to more a more amusing outlook.
So, I'm off to get my hair cut. I pull into Wal-Mart.............................I'll give you a minute to make fun of my choice of barber. (Random thought: Would a hairstylist that collects books be a "Barbarian?"
In to Wal-Mart I go. I sign in. I wait about 4 minutes. The girl calls my name. I sit down in the chair and......let me 'splain son-thing to Ju! We need not visit the awkward meter that is so prevalent in my life. Needless to say, I am ususally uncomfortable in a setting that allows complete strangers to be close to me while another stranger is cutting my hair. This instance was no different. However, I knew it wouldn't last long, 'cause ya just get the clippers and get to buzzing. So, there I sat. Patiently waiting as she zinged past my ears. When, all of a sudden, the phone rings. Though there were several workers present, MY girl had to go answer the phone! Leaving me with a HALF cut head of hair. One side buzzed, one side Buckwheat! So there I am, 2 feet from the customer next to me. In plain view of all the shoppers passing by. I KNOW I heard them snicker as they looked over. "Look at the half-head-shaved-guy" they were probably saying.
She came back over, finished up.......and no tip from me! Satisfaction met.
This was also the same day that Taylor Swift (the pitchiest country singer alive)'s cd was being released. Being completely in tune with my wife's wants I strolled over to the music section to purchase said cd. Walked up to the check-out terminal thing. Waited a bit. The girl in the camera section said "I can get you over here." I placed the cd down and noticed, on the credit card machine that there was a spot for a customer service evaluation. "Was your representative friendly?" it asked. I thought "Off to a good start" - After I swipped she placed the cd in a plastic bag and I felt the uncontrollable desire to tell her that this was for my wife and not for me, because I didn't want her to think that this guy with little hairs on his neck just wandered in here to get this for himself. - You feel me?
So, I opened the trap and said "This is for my wife, not me" - instead of lightly chuckling, as any normal person would do, she just gave me this look as if I just kicked a pile of puppies and said "ew-kay?" - Evaluation Answer?: NO. Not friendly at all!
Enclosing, as I exited the Supercenter, I overheard a lady on her cell. As I got closer she said "Why do I have 5 missed calls from your mother"? - This led me to think, if she called that many times wouldn't it be atleast remotely important? Shouldn't you call her first? What kind of relationship do you have that you would avoid calling her back, only to ask you spouse to do so? Makes me laugh.
So, I don't have it so bad. Neither do you, because you're nothing like me, and are spared the awkward moments that hunt me down and pounce on me like a panda bear in heat!!

Have an opportune day!

The Dave-O

That'll Teach Me...

2008-11-11T10:39:00.000-08:00

Yesterday (Monday...worst day of the week) I decided not to say anything negative about anybody. Instead, just "positively re-describe" those individuals who wouldn't know tact if it migrated through their ear as they slept, venturing it's way to their brain causing a small explosion through the eye lids.......Well, don't EVER decide to refrain from negativity. It's at that very point that anything that can happen, will, even if it has happened before, only this time, in much greater fashion, doubling in number.
They're out there. People. People who just want to complain for the sake of complaining. - (before you get started, I do it for entertainment purposes. For theraputic reasons. - For YOUR benefit!)
But, yes, they're out there. Lurking in the hallways, waiting to pass you and ask stupid questions. Waiting to call and question the very existence of your brain. Seeking to find an atmosphere where common sense no longer has relevance. Striving to make sure that phrases such as "suposubly" replaces "suposedly" - or, when saying "right" sounds like "rat"

I had a Physician's office manager/wife call me at work. Her questions were simple. "Can I get a cash price for this?" and "How much will this patient owe?" - Seems meaningless enough. But how, I ask thee, does that turn into a 40 minute conversation/argument about things beyond my control. Peeps, if you call me and I use the phrase "I have no control over that, do you want to talk to the person that makes that decision?" Your response should be "Yes." - But what if it isn't? What if it's (gulp) "No." ?? - What on earth would make you want to continue to want to talk to me? I do NOT have the answer, yet, when asked to be transferred to the appropriate person.....you refuse! Who is responsibile for raping the generation that birthed ignorant, people set on being mean just for the sake of being mean? When I'm mean, it's to be taken comedically. http://www.thefreedictionary.com/comedically

Or, there's a lesson to be learned. - If you have a tendency to be a "lame insulter" - I would intentionally insult you with zingers that would make your grandma cry. The point? To make you a better insulter. I love you friends. I do it for your own good. - But, why be mean just for the sake of being mean? Why get some kind of satisfaction of demeaning, or belittling, detracting, and debasing? This woman was being the "Anti-Upgrade"

But I let it go. I was nice to her. Why? - 'Cause I was raised better. Which got me to thinkin'. Would these people, we'll call 'em "Strumpets," even notice negativity if it's returned? Seems like they would welcome the challenge, engage in a fuel-drivin opportunity to feed off of you just to return the fire.

Does this mean that the Dave-O is in a lose-lose situation? Does this mean that I have to accept the harshness that is dealing with this person(s) and not retaliate because it's just wasted? And, remember, I get no satisfaction from being mean. Again, it's a teaching tool.

It can't be.

So......I can't be mean........being nice causes heartburn and you die. What's my third option? - Weirdness!! - Maybe if I have the initial conversation, and then transfer the mode.

(Strumpet): "Can you tell me what the patient will owe"

(Dave-O): "Actually, I can't unless you send me over all of the information"

(Strumpet): "I will NOT send anything first." "I NEED to know EXACTLY right now!"

(Dave-O): "........1 Million Dollars!"

(Strumpet): "Excuse me?"

(Dave-O): "....The other day I saw a man in his underwhere walking on his porch"

(Strumpet): "What?" "What does that hav..

(Dave-O): "It was cold" "Why do you think he would do that?"

(Strumpet): "Okay, this is..

(Dave-O): "I was talking to a Russion about the amount of Jews in the Ukraine" "I didn't think that there were that many" "She said that there were plenty left over from the war" "I said, 'left over?' 'You make it sound like they were reheated!'"

(Strumpet): "........(click) dial tone -

Now did that actually take place? Of course not! Not YET!

But one day I will bask in the perfect glory of saying just the right thing to communicate the fact that the very people that hold themselves in VERY high esteem will be degraded to a level that will make the weep with tears that will put out their fire of greed for the "last word" - and I will, inevitably, reach down and offer a hand..........'cause I'm still a nice guy ya know! And I will say to them - "Don't worry, it's just a teaching tool" "Now, now." "Everything will be all rat"

That's all for now. As a bladder-of-fact, I have to go to the bathroom now! - Think I'm off to a pretty good start with this "not saying anything negative" thing!

You have yourself a pleasant one. - Dave

Witnessing to a child

2008-11-05T06:45:00.000-08:00

How are you?
I'm great! Last Saturday, I brought my son Drew (8) to work with me. During the hour long drive I decided to teach him the plan of salvation. We've had "talks" before. And he's never at a loss for questions. So, during the drive, I asked him what sin was. He said he didn't know. I told him that it was the bad things we did. I told him what accountability was. - Old enough to make a decision, whether right or wrong, based on a particular responsibility. I used cleaning his room as an example. I told him where sin entered the world. - He quickly responded with a "Man, if they didn't eat the fruit they'd still be alive" - How did he realize that on his own? Can he grasp the concept of physical death as a result of sin? Apparently he can! I explained believing in Jesus was not just believing that He exists, but believing that He was born without an earthly daddy, living a perfect life, the necessity of His death, His resurrection, and His "coming back to get us" - I quoted that because it comes into play later.
I explained Satan to him. Where he came from, what he does now. He asked if I'd ever seen him. I told him I had no idea what he looks like but to always be prepared for an encounter. - Quickly reminding him not to be afraid because God created him as has control over him. He asked if Satan could kill us......what does the Bible say about that? (I'm asking myself at that point) - I told him that if Satan ever wants to do anything he needs God's permission and that if God says it's okay....then there's nothing to be afraid of. (It speaks of God commanding Satan not to kill Job....people assume this if for the rest of us) - My main point was that Drew should not fear Satan.
I explained the concept of "dying twice" - I told him that because of the initial sin our bodies were punished by having to die. I told him that after we die we could be with Jesus or die once more and never see his mommy or daddy again. I noticed that he was never "scared" of anything I said, but, instead, nodded accordingly taking what I said at face value. My intention was not to give him a guilt trip sandwich wrapped in Hell bread. He never laughed, he didn't ask a silly question, he just soaked it up and responded very naturally. Which was a relief to me 'cause I had no idea on how to talk about this to him and had been quite nervous in the past. Once we got to work he would ask a question and then remained quiet for a bit. Then, after about 20 minutes of playing his gameboy, he sat up and asked "when can you pray?" - I had already gone over that only saved people would not have to die twice and Jesus would come back for them, and to get this opportunity you would have to pray. - The kid knew he needed this and needed to know when he could do it. He came to me. He brought it up.
I told him that he could pray whenever he wanted to. He wanted to right then!
I brought him over to me....I asked him if he was a sinner. He said yes. I asked him if he believed in Jesus (and everything included) I told him that he would have to ask for forgiveness. He said okay, took my hands and said:
"Dear Lord. Um, I am a sinner, I believe in you and-um, I want you to forgive me so that you will come back to get me." "Jesus-name-i-pray-amen."
I asked if he was saved. He said "yes"
I asked how did he know. He said "because I prayed" I said "So, you just believe that Jesus will do what He says He's gonna do?" He said "Yup!"................How can that not be the most important day of my life up to this point?
That night, as we gathered on the floor to pray, he thanked God for saving him. And we've talked about it everyday since.

Ah, good times! Later, Dave

Bless This Mess

2008-11-05T06:10:00.000-08:00

Well, the battle is over. The team led by the white guy really took it to the team led by the black guy. That's right, Dirk and the Mavs went in to San Antonio and beat Tim Duncan's Spurs! Only the first of two interesting contests for the evening.
Our next President is Barack Obama. When I pass an African American do I feel the urge to congratulate them? Should I congratulate this country that thought it would never see the day? My first move in this was to pray for our current President, and for Mr. Obama. Like it or not, God knows what He's doing. Even if America doesn't!
The country has spoken. Four years ago the liberal half of the country so desperately wanted Mr. Bush not to get elected they voted for the other guy. This time around, the liberal half so desperately wanted "their" guy in. Quite the switch. History has been made. And will continue to do so. Emotions all over the world will be at an all time high. My grandparents' generation is suffering from chest pain this morning. My parent's generation, for the most part, will react mostly split. You got your celebrities, former athletes, red-necks, splitting their age group right down the middle. One side cursing, the other celebrating. My generation is ushering in what very well should be the Last Days with a liberal domination. My kids' generation.....well, time will tell.
I called my eight year old in this morning to tell him who won. He boo'd at first. Mostly, cause he's eight and competitive. But I told him that we are to respect the President, as in the "position." I told him to pray for him, regardless of how he feels about him personally.
As a Christian, values should be an important factor in any decision made.
My gut feeling.........I'm turning into "that guy" - The guy that watches the president, waiting for a slip-up. Waiting for a tremor in the force to alert me that my instincts are correct. You know, what Hollywood has done the past 8 years!
As I watched a literal group of millions crying, chanting, hoisting banners, I could not imagine this happening to any former president to this degree. Oprah was crying, Rev. Jesse Jackson was crying, Joe the plumber was crying.
To Christians - Everything you've been taught. Everything you assume about the end of the world, must be running through your minds.
To the Lost - You will notice Christians being more peculiar than ever. It will do you good to ask questions.
To Mr. Bush - Thanks for 8 years of service. It's unfair to wonder how anyone else would handle their presidency after the country that had sworn you in was under attack 7 months later.
To Mr. Obama - You've got a BIG responsibility. I'm watching you..........and praying for you.
To America - We've sailed right past blessed into "spoiled." My prayer is to be still and know that God is God. Regardless of who is elected.
To my sons - You will have children that may live in the year 2100. You've got 90 years to keep this country in good shape. You will probably see a woman president...maybe a black woman...maybe you will be president. It's up to me to allow you to be the best version of yourselves.
To God - You created this world as perfection. I apologize that we blew it so early. You knew back then what would happen everyday since. You knew that "this world" would never again see perfection in it's present state. You saw this day coming. You see the next 70 years. This has "already" happened for you. Even so, come quickly!

God bless America.

"Use the Force, Batman!"

2008-11-01T11:55:00.000-07:00

Happy post-Halloween. And how happy my kids were to go trick-or-treating for the first time.
Friday night went to my brother and sister-in-law's house. Drew dressed like Darth Vader, and Caden dressed like Batman. - Is there some reason they like the "all-black costumes with capes?" Kind of dark isn't it? What kind of raising am I doing?
So, off to the sidewalks of Frisco we go. We hit about 12-15 houses seeing all kinds of creatures. Caden ran into a Bat-girl. (I think they exchanged numbers!)
The boys would run up to a house, ring the door-bell, and wait anxiously until someone would open - at that point both kids would feel the urge to SCREAM "TRICK OR TREATERS"
I guess it was our fault that we didn't "train" them on how the process went. I say that because, on the first two houses, Caden, soon after the door would open, would all but walk in their house. He would stick his head in and point things out like "look, a dog" He was apparently under the impression that we were "visiting" these people with strangely decorated front yards!
Drew was no less the entertaining commentator poking out phrases such as "Is this one open?" as we'd pass another house. Or when we passed by other kids he would say "Happy Trick or Treat"
But him calling the other kids "customers" really did it for me! "Look, more customers"
Alas, the crowning moment: We basically made a huge circle and decided not to tell them that we were going back to the house. Instead, we just took another route and ended up there seeing if they would notice. Well, they didn't and it was great. They just strolled up to the house, rang the door-bell, and, when Stan answered the door........it was all over but the shouting!! "Awesome" Drew shouted. Did he think that Stan was in some strange person's house? Was he amazed that we were instantaneously transported back to our original destination without his knowledge? Or is he just a dramatic little evil Jedi that likes to scream? - Probably that one!
Once we were done, the boys took on the role of guest door answerer and candy passer-outer. Caden was a bitter-sweet host. When someone came to our door and knocked or ran, he would jump up "someone's here!" then he would open the door AND INVITE THEM IN! Honestly, when's he gonna get it? He was sad that nobody stayed. Just got their candy and left. All in all, it was a success. I was a little surprised, as the evening went on, how the age of the trick or treaters went up. I swear there were guys with full beards - real ones! - bumming for free snickers bars.
Abby's costume was the cutest. (She went as a baby with Narcolepsy!)

Halloween '08 in the books. Pagan holiday's alive and well - and Drew got a new Light Saber out of it!

Later, Dave-O

The Jams of Traffic

2008-10-31T11:57:00.001-07:00

Greetings,
I hate traffic. Why does everybody in the Tri-County area decide to get up, get in their vehicular substances and PULL IN FRONT OF ME. It's an emotional raping. Stop, go, stop, wait, go, stop....sometimes ya just need a trigger to pull!
And why is it that I'm so nice 'a driver that I let EVERYONE in my lane? 4 lanes, packed, and there are people on the entry ramp trying to merge on the highway...guess who ends up stopping? Yup. I'm just a nice, courteous, driver. Where'd I get that from? Did my parents raise a cautious, friendly driver? Maybe......well THANKS A LOT!
So I'm driving in this morning all by myself, and I pull into Starbucks. The line is long and I have to drive past the line, turn around, and then get in line. There was a car following me. They knew good and well what I was doing. Did that stop them from whooping around and cutting in front of me as I did a donut in the parking lot? Of course not! - Nowhere in the Bible does it mention being a courteous driver. It does mention engulfing other chariots in flames!! Maybe I can try that one.
Then I hit the six three five (hwy635) where cars mate and multiply as they commute, and I get cut off almost causing my Grrrrande Pumkin Spice Latte' to spill on my lap! (Roll the "r" friends)
On Friday's it's not so bad 'cause people have the day, or take the day off. My suggestion is....more people should take days off! You build up the time, you've earned it......let's turn "rush hour" to "cruise les than an hour"
Ever notice when talking about gas prices, whether increasing or decreasing, that someone ALWAYS has a better version of a price?
"Gas is $2.72 in Plano" "I saw it for $2.63 in Richardson"
You can never get the last word if you bring it up. Just once I would like to say "Gas is $2.19 in Greenville" and the response is people bowing in reverence, while humming in unison "Amazing Grace".......or something close to that. - Try it. Bring it up at work. You will get a rebuddle everytime.
So, last week I had a concert in Rendon TX - Saloot! Knew this one was going to be interesting 'cause there were deer antlers hanging over the bathroom door. As I looked out from the bus I noticed very inappropriately dressed teenagers. Checkered shorts, pony tails, ear-rings....these were just the guys! Was this "bring a thug to church day?" - I guess it doesn't matter what they wear as long as they're at church. - And believe me, we made 'em pay by forcing them to listen to us!
Lastly, I'd like to share with you an answering machine message that I heard.
Ring: "Hello, you've reached the Johnson's" "No one is here to take your call........I guess it would be a good time to rob us" "Leave your name......" - LOL

Happy 29th birthday to my wife Andrea! We will be seeing baby Abby tonight. Very excited about that.
I hope everyone has a wonderful next couple of days and the next time you hear Johnny Cash sing "I Walk The Line" think of someone taking a field sobreiety test!!

Later, Dave-O

Now hear this!

2008-10-25T00:50:00.000-07:00

Couldn't think of a good title.
Thanks for coming back.
It's Saturday morning 2:55am.........Well, since you ask, let me tell you. The wife went to spend the night with her sister and help with the baby. I never sleep well when she's not around. Plus all this BRILIANT stuff was rolling around my head and I had to write it.
First off, how is Baby Abby? - Doing very well. Eating good, crying good, keeping her dad up all night to blog about breastfeeding.....and apparently, now, has me doing it as well.
Little Abby is 6 days old. Which is great 'cause God created Man on the sixth day. Now I guess that's not really the same thing but it makes you wonder of all the things we can compare the different stages of our kids life to. My oldest son Drew is 8. President Bush is about to complete an 8 year term. My youngest son Caden is 5. And he, well he looooves Kung Fu Panda!
Okay so nothing really brilliant is rolling around. Maybe I wrote this for someone out there who needed to feel special at this moment. I told someone the other day that they were one oneth of a person. - Now don't you feel special?
Did I tell you about the "windshield washer?" - About a week ago I was driving home and had to stop for gas. I went inside and paid a couple hundred dollars for half a tank, came back to the truck and started fueling up. I look over and, walking towards me from the store, was an older gentleman with a spray can and a rag. So, I'm thinking, "great, I'm gonna be mugged by Schneider" (ya know, the guy from One Day At A Time?)
It was some salesman trying to sell me a windshield cleaner. He made himself at home, sprayed without my permission, and began wiping. - Awkward Meter ring a bell? It was-a-peaking!!
He finished cleaning the driver's side and I said "You got a card or something, I got to go" - He gave me his card and started CLEANING MY FENDER. Persistent old booger. I finally got in shut and locked the door, cranked er up and took off. But, boy was my windshield clean!! That crap worked!! (Abby, don't say crap)

Well, the moral of the story is....you really shouldn't blog at 3am. And now, I'd like to talk about breastfeeding....kidding. - Have a wonderful next couple of days!!

Dave-O out.

Uncle Dave-O!!

2008-10-20T12:18:00.000-07:00

That's right friends and neighbors. Abby Jewel Wagnon joined us at 12:10am Sunday morning.
Being brotherless and sisterless this is my only shot at uncle-ness.

So, Tuesday 10/14 we admit my sister-in-law Jill to Medical City. (Not really a city) What if it was though? A whole town with nurses, physicians, and cna's? "Excuse me sir, can you help me find an eating joint?" "Sure, we have this great big cafeteria, and some of the housekeeping employees will be taking naps there" Instead of IHOP they have IHMO's - that kills!.....What was I talking about? Oh yeah, our dear Abby. Hey! Nevermind.
So, we were told that in the hospital Jill would remain until our precious arrival makes herself known. Saturday night rolls around and I'm on location in Gilmer TX. A place where even squares can have a ball. I'm back stage in between our two sets (5:00p and 8:00p) and my phone goes berserk. I had simultaneously (not an easy word to spell!) received 3 text messages from her. You see getting a signal on your cell phone is a little like eating carrots and pooping office supplies. - Close to impossible! As soon as I hit a "good" spot my phone just lit up. Unbeknownst (another tough one) to me these texts were about an hour and a half late. I thought it was at real time. They basically said "WE'RE HAVING THE BABY, YOU HAVE TO COME GET THE BOYS!!!!" - Uh, I'm close to 3 hours away near Deliverance! So, I try to reply and, apparently, you need to have atleast one little-ole' bar on your phone for you to be able to send anything as well. There were only two place to receive such service. Up the backstage stairs leaning over the rail and.....AT the piano. So, I'm playing and texting at the same time. I either misspelled horribly, or played the wrong song! - Would these people notice anyway? So I get a response that I need to call my mom to see if she can get the boys. Then I play a solo and get fanned by a pshycho emcee. Then finish, climb up the backstage stairs, lean over the balcony and talk to mom.
Turns out the boys fell asleep at the hospital and that part turns out okay. So I get to the hospital around 12:45p. Saw cute little Abby. Picked up the boys and headed home. Got home about 2:17am - get the boys to bed lay down only to have to wake up 3 hrs and 45 minutes later to get leave for a concert in Mesquite Sunday morning! So there I am on stage playing, staring at the boys with this "YOU BETTER NOT MOVE" look. - They actually were very good and I didn't have to worry about them. After the concert we went back to the hospital to see baby Abby. Drew got to hold her. Caden got to ask her questions like "Are you dreaming about Kung Fu Panda?" I got to hold her and watch her sleep. I rocked her very gently, but if I stopped she would squirm a little as if to say "You don't stop until I tell you to Uncle Dave" and then she'd say "What a great uncle you are Uncle Dave"
Seriously she is a remarkable little person to win my heart so quickly. I love her, and love that the boys have a girl cousin. A "cousette" if you will.
The sad thing is, as tired as a weekend that this was for me, I'm probably the fifth tiredest of the group. Andrea and her mom, "granny Kathy" as Abby will call her if I have anything to do about it, did a lot of driving back and forth with very little sleep putting up with a duo of hyper boys. Kathy had to drive my truck close to Sherman yesterday so that "Pops" (can't you just here little Abby say 'Pops'?) could see her. Stan, the dad, just made it in on Thursday and had to play host to a slew of family and friends this weekend.
But the tiredest of all has got to be the real champion of this holiday weekend - ME, IT'S GOT TO BE ME DARN-IT! I mean, I had to do two performances and everyth.........kidding.
Congratulations Jill! You win the award of most tiredest. You did very well, and have started the path to becoming a wonderful mother. In one early morning setting you've managed to make me an uncle, Andrea an aunt, your parents now have their first grand-daughter, my sons now have their first cousin, Stan has become a father......mostly making me an uncle though! You also win the award of raising a beautiful daughter (neice to me!) that will ask you all kids of questions like "Why does Caden talk so fast?" "Why does Drew like Mario Bros?" "Why does granny kathy keep it so cold then so hot in her house? "Why does Pops have a dump truck?" Why does aunt Andrea always want to babysit me?" and.........why does my uncle travel to places like Gilmer to play the piano....and why is he soooo good looking....and why does he blog about everybody but always manage to make it about himself??"

Welcome to the world Abby. We look forward to everyday with you!

East Texas Charm

2008-10-20T11:36:00.000-07:00

Thanks for coming back!
One of the great things about traveling with a quartet is the people you meet along the way. One of the awful things.....is, again, the people you meet. Saturday afternoon about 2:00p we leave the bus barn (Plano) headed for Gilmer, the Mullett capital of Texas! We are heading to the Gilmer Civic Center - or, as I like to call it....The Mule Barn. I'm not making fun of people, just...well, yes I'm making fun, but not in a bad way.
I knew we were in for a treat when we past an eating joint called "Double D Sausage" - Need I go on? I think not (in case we have underage viewers) (or overage viewers with weak stomaches that will send me nasty comments) Where was I?....Oh yeah Mullettville. So we arrive for our concert that we are sharing with a hay-trailer-load full of other groups (you like the analogy?)
It started at like 8:00a and went ALL day. And, believe me, those people stayed all day. And, really believe me.....it looked like it!!
So we set up our table, get our suits on, mix and mingle. We saw groups that we used to sing with, got caught up on the Local Gospel Rumors that I'm not at liberty to go into. Mostly 'cause I didn't talk to anyone long enough to remember what they said. Well, it came time for our set. We were supposed to go on at 5:00p but the previous group finished a little early. (This comes into play later)
So we take the stage. **Quick note: Our lead singer was not able to attend and we had a fill-in. This really doesn't ever come into play. Just fyi..
So we do our set number of songs. The audience was a good size (numerically) but they were not totally in to it. We were getting ready to walk off stage after closing and the emcee came out and said "Can ya do one mower?" (Not mispelled, that's the way he talked) *Note the earlieness of the previous group. Then, as I'm searching the Replay Machine (recording device that stores and plays our tracks that I'm not that familiar with so I'm now panicking trying to find another song 'cause usually their pre-selected) someone from the audience shouts "Turn the piano player loose" - Well, we know what that means. The Dave-O has to bring the HEAT! So I tear off into a fast diddy of a solo, the audience is loving it....THEN I notice see this guy dressed like a scarecrow come over with a piece of paper fanning my hands as I play yelling "Boy he's on fire" and "Look at him go"......He stayed there until I was finished with my song! I've never elbowed anyone in the face while I've played but that was the closest that I came. - That was our emcee ladies and gentlemen. Hoo-Wee! He shouted. Did get a standing ovation though. Should have worn overalls!
Nothing like having a concert next to a rodeo. They just perambulate (means walk) over, make 'em a plate of bbq and walk up to your table and make comments like "Saw you up thar on that thar peenaner" "You's purty good" - I could only respond with a respectful "Well, thank you Mayor".......
If that wasn't enough. We had to go back on at 8:00p for basically the same thing and, believe me once again, the night was just getting started!

Praise Song With a Bite!

2008-10-15T08:44:00.000-07:00

Welcome back peeps! - Jerry, my IT friend at work, and I were having a discussion about a VERY important topic.....Golf. I was actually whining that he never invited me. (Even though I actually played back in the spring with him, his father-in-law, and a gentleman from Wills Point - (Can I get a shout-out to the big WP?!!)
As to which he responded "Dude, I've invited you twice and you told me no." - Which is actually true, and prompted a "You want to go this weekend?" So, this past Saturday morning at 8:15am The Dave-O teed off a BEAUTIFUL shot that had this majestic-like curve and landed some 48 ft. from the green on which I was standing. Not a good start. Things improved slightly during the day. But it didn't have much of a choice! I only hit the water twice (most of the time not making it to the water hazard due to lack of distance....I'll blame the clubs!) All in all, I had a good time - and haven't been asked to go again yet.
Sunday - The wife and I were in Sunday School and the preacher comes up to me and asks "Have you ever led singing before" - Which translates "You WILL be leading the song service this morning!" My darling wife answered for me "Yes, but he does it while at the piano" (accompanied with a sly grin)
So, I go grab a songbook and come up with the service order. This is a small-town church so I new they would be forgiving. The service began. I stood up gave a quick announcement and gave the page number, sat down, played the intro and everyone joined in - well, not everyone. You see. I don't play churchy. Half to most of you know that I put a little rythym with it when I play. Let me tell what I noticed. Three old ladies leaning over nearly in a 45 degree angle to see past the people sitting in front of them. Then they began pokin' each other and gigglin' like school girls. (Quick note: David knows how to charm the blue-hairs) I was playing THEIR kind of music. Then, there was this teenager on one of the back rows that whipped out her cell before the first verse was finished and started recording me. If I end up on you-tube I better be gettin' some royalties! But it wasn't until after the song service that the best thing was brought to my attention. ~~~Let's go back to Sunday morning at about 8:34am ~~~ I sat both of my boys down and had a talk with them. They have a tendency to talk and not behave during church. (Hard to believe since their my kids huh?) This, coming from the guy who, in the 1st grade if you walked into his class and there was a desk besides the teachers'......it was mine! So, I told the boys "You sit there and be quiet unless we're singing. Then you can sing as loud as you want. ~~~Back to church service~~~ I sit down and get settled and my lovely wife leans over and tells me that he was belting out his favorite church hymn, that we all know and love - Go ahead sing along if you know it - SCOOBY DOOBY DOO...WHERE ARE YOU...WE NEED SOME HELP FROM YOU NOW! - I guess I didn't specify WHICH song to sing loudly.

Time for random observations that require little thought.....Coming back from playing golf I drove through Terrell. You ever notice that when someone no longer wants a couch the put it on the curb? Of course ya do. Well, this was the first time that I saw a couch on the curb with someone sitting down on it! Were they resting, testing the comfort factor, hunting for loose change? What kind of town is that?
Last night we admitted my sister-in-law into Medical City. Where she will remain until the baby arrives. Pray that the blood pressure remains normal. - Pray that my kids are quiet when we visit. Pray that the tv volume works right.

Lastly, we got home last night about 10:00pm - Upon entering the house I heard a sound from about two acres away that wasn't very heartening. Nothing like a little GUNSHOT to say goodnight! I heard it again, peaked my head out the door (don't ask me why) and to my surprise my neighbor hollered over to me...."Armadillos" - ............just nodded my head and went back inside humming Scooby Doo all the way to bed.

later, Dave-O

The Dryer Demon

2008-10-10T11:20:00.000-07:00

Well I took off today. Hoping to relax, do a little housework, catch up on some well deserved Spider Solitaire (yeah, I rock it when I'm home alone!) - Been moving couches to get maximum vacuum utilization. Thing were going well....until the dryer stopped. I was sitting happily at the lap-top and I assumed the cycle of clothes that I started, cause I'm a great husband, was completed. It was not. It stopped right in the middle of "More Dry" - before "Optimum Dry" and "Less Dry" Why are there so many drys? And why isn't this one working? Those were a few of the many thoughts racing through my head. So I said to myself, I said 'What are you gonna do about it big boy?" After flipping breakers, unloading the existing, still wet towels, spinning the..........whatever the thing inside that spins inside is, and turning the knob - I finally got it working. Reloaded, and did a taunting dance. Of the "Who's the man?" variety.
Didn't have to call anybody. No in-laws, maintenance guys, IT guys...did it myself. You take the winning battles when you get them! - And I'm easily amused.

Pray for my sister-in-law Jill. She is on bed rest until my neice is born. (Thanksgiving-ish) A good early sign that this little girl already has mommy and the rest of the family WHUPPED!

Time to get ready for the weekend. Longhorns by 12. - Gotta go...the dryer is smoking!!

Later, Dave-O

Everyday People

2008-10-04T08:27:00.000-07:00

Appreciate you returning.
Today's post will consist of various people in the world that have it in their agenda to cross paths with me. Maybe it's some form of punishment, testing, or other brand of entertainment. (God doesn't get bored, does he?)
First, Friday afternoon, I'm trying to leave work, get my stuff together and so forth. I'm strolling across the lobby and this older, Spanish, gentleman approaches me and asks if we do drug tests. I told him that we did, but it would be for either pre-employment testing, or for pre-op tests which would require a Physician's order. He told me that he didn't have a dr's order. It was for a student at his school. (He was apparently on staff) I re-informed him that we could not do it. He said "are you positive?" (My initial mental response was) "I don't know, I've never been tested" Assuming he would not perceive the wonderful, harmless humor, I passed and, instead said "Yes, we cannot do the drug test" He then, lightly screams, if that's even a description, "But I need to know if this kid is on Pot!!" I apologized again and asked that he take it to a dr's office. After noticing his blood-shot eyes, I wondered if it was really his and he was trying not to get busted! He then went to the operator to ask her the same questions. As I walked back by I overheard him say "that's what the other guy said" she responded by saying "well, he's my boss and he knows what he's talking about" he replied "you people are no help" she said "well, we're not the ones with loser-drug-dealing-pot-heads, now are we?" - no, she didn't say that, but that would have been great!
Moving on, As I was driving home I noticed a sign that said "Palm Reader" I wonder, do they have caller ID?.......Wouldn't they know who it is? I think I'll call one of them up and say it's someone else. See if they notice.
So I pull into Greenville, pick up the kids, and then head to Wal-Mart to pick up the lovely wife who has dropped off the car to get the oil changed, cause The Dave-O don't do the "home oil changes" And, if you ever come to my house, you won't see any oil stains in the drive way. Mostly cause we don't have a real drive way, just a rock trail.
Well, I notice that I have to get gas. I texted to let the lovely wife know. I know she wants me to hurry, and I'm starving......enter "gas station lady" Why in Hades does THIS woman arrive at MY pump before me? Very busy gas station. 3 people to a pump. The first car finishes and drives away. I'm waiting for the van in front of me that is occupied by someone apparently made of concrete, to pull forward. She finally does and then.......DOESN'T GET OUT for like 2 minutes. What was she doing? Meditating, praying, watching the VP Presidential debate on those little TV's that some versions of vans come with depending on which package the salesmen talks you into???
So she drips out...THEN WALKS IN TO PAY. Comes back, begins pumping, all the while on her cell, probably talking to her husband complaining about hospitals that don't do free random drug tests! She finishes, AND THEN STARTS TO GO BACK INSIDE THE STORE. She realizes that there is a relatively angry young gentlemen in a truck behind her with two small children staring over the dash with judgemental face tones, comes to her senses, throws up a hand and motions "Sorry" and then moves the van. By this time the lovely wife has walked from Wal-Mart to the gas station 20 acres away.
Lastly, the "Flag Man" You know, when there fixing, I mean "fixing" the two lane roads and they block down to one lane and you have to wait until the guy with the sign that reads "stop/slow" motions you around. Even though I'm always mad at the delay, I always waive at the flag guy. I think it's a nice thing to do. It's usually hot out there and he probably gets a lot of dirty looks from angry drivers on their way to gas stations for ANOTHER long wait.
Anyway, I was sixth in line and I noticed that every time a car passed the flag guy he would waive. Turns out EVERYBODY waives at the flag guy. These are his duties. Hold the sign up, waives = number of cars that go buy. By the time I got to him I waived, he waived back but looked like he was VERY tired of putting his hand up and down. - You know when you see a program at school or a play and they tell you to hold your applause until the end. The flag guys should have a sign that says "Stop/Slow" and "Waiving not neccessary unless you're the only car, or unless you're the last car in the current line!"
Then again, maybe that won't help. What do I know? I'm not a palm reader!

Later

"A nice rink to it"

2008-09-27T17:19:00.000-07:00

Welcome,
Saturday, the day of my son Drew's birthday party. We decided to go all out this year. But since Greenville only has a bowling alley and a skating rink, we went with the latter. Anyone care for a quick lesson in the history of roller skating? Bear with me. 100 years ago a woman put wheels under her shoes to help her shop faster. The sport was born and grew to national fame in the 70's. Here we are 30 plus years later and it's...well....a good place to have an 8 yr old b-day party! - Not a bad history. Mostly made up? Yes!
My parents were LEGENDS on wheels back when they were in there dating years. They ran a skating rink and, in it's heyday, was the place to be on a Friday night in a little town I like to call Wilmer...cause that's the name of the town. Shout-out!
This means the ability to handle oneself on the four roller-wheeled shoes of death was in my blood. And, I'm not shy about saying, that I can more than stay upright on a pair! But my son has taken the torch and ran...er... rolled with it. He is much faster than me, and is much more balanced than I ever will be.
Short story: We were racing, he was beating me, I pushed him down! End of story.
Kidding (only about the pushing) And, by the way, the music that is played now is quite different than the 70's roller-disco- funky town-where ya from you sexy thang-staying live diddies that once penetrated the walls of the slick floored spheres of popcorned smelling arenas!
Nowadays questioned are posed to the listening audience. Such as just what exactly ARE you going to do with all that junk....all that junk....all that junk? Or maybe you're a girl. Maybe you kissed a girl. Maybe you liked it. Ooh. A rabbit! I think I'll chase. Drives me crazy when old people (and by old I mean anyone older than me) do not get the lyrics right to songs that they do not approve of and are quoting. Such as "Whoops, there it is" ..c'mon...whoops? Or the classic.."Don't touch this nah, nah, nah, nah." Miss that MC Hammer. Where was I? ....Oh yeah. Flo-Rider came on and just about the time Shawty was going low Drew started this dance as he was rolling around the rink. He had his arms out to the side and was-a bouncing up and down to the beat. I would have stopped him but I was too busy trying to catch up (and dancing the same way at that moment.) You WP alumni remember me dancing? Awesome....ly embarrasing to white people everywhere! Hasn't stopped me. Or Drew.
The rink had a mascot. It was a Kangaroo. It made two kids nervous. One to the point of screaming in tears. Drew had his picture made with it and I'll post it soon. All in all. It was a good Mario Bros. themed party. Caden (my 5yr old) had fun as well, and got caught trying to sneak away with some of Drew's toys.
Another year. Another party is done. Another human dressed as an animal. Another cyring kid....probably aimed at the father of the birthday boy's dancing!
Later, Dave-O

(the views expressed in this blog do not represent the views of the national skating association and reserve the right to sue if Mr. Smith if he ever makes up crap about the "history of skating' again)

Code Blue: Come one, come all!

2008-09-27T14:41:00.000-07:00

Welcome.
Friday 10:35am. I'm in the Business Office of the hospital where I work. I'm asking an employee something and I hear an overhead page that exclaimed "Code Blue CT" "Code Blue CT" - For the un-medical of us, CT is where we do our Cat Scans. Quick history: My hospital is a "Surgery Center" - it does not specialize in emergency situations outside of an OR room. We have very, very...VERY few patients that require cpr due to a very inactive ER, and the types of patients we see. (18 - 50 - something year olds having Bariatric surgery. Or, Orthopaedic patients.) Quick plug: If you or someone you know is interested in bariatric surgery let me know.
So, when I heard the code called - I assumed it was a drill, because we have one every few months or so. Well, it was not a drill. I scurried on down to CT where I discovered a fairly large man receiving chest compressions. Questions from the reading audience? Yes, you behind the screen. "Why would a Business Office Director have any business assisting during a code?" I'm glad you asked! First of all, when I was 18 years old I was an ER Tech at Baylor Dallas. I was trained in trauma situations. Trained to know what and where medical supplies was. Trained not to panic. I've now been in the medical field one way or another for close to 12 years. - ...........And I was nosey! Now, in spite of my title, I was still asked to run and get medications from the Pharmacy, an IV pump from the ER, and to get the ICU bed ready. I didn't let this go to my head though. Due to the lack of these situations the Quality/Risk Manager was asking the same things from the Maintenance guy! Also there out of curiosity.
It was a little weird to see the panic on everyone's face. It was just like the TV show ER, except no background music, and there was more unqualified people than qualified, and there was no love triangle with hollywood guest stars.....Okay, it was nothing like ER. But, I was happy be there for the team that was working together to save this guy. We got him stable enough to move to ICU where they held him until we got him transferred to Doctor's Hospital.
At the end of the day I was talking to the Administrator and I told her that I was proud of everyone and the way they responded. Her response tickled me a little. She shook her head, as if to agree with me, and then belted out a "He is lucky to be alive!" - As if to say (and a direct quote from my wife) - "That is one place you do NOT want to have a code!" ....or be a maintenance guy!

Later, Dave-O

Say it isn't sew.

2008-09-25T06:51:00.000-07:00

Welcome.
Not a good day when the button of your pants zings off like shot through a gun! It's not my fault that they shrunk. Also, the sole of my left shoe came apart as I entered my working environment. Not my fault either. I left my good pair on the bus. Well, THAT is my fault. What do I mean by bus? Do I take local transportation to work now you ask? Why no. But I'll speak about the "bus" at a later date. For all the wardrobe malfunctions - I blame global warming. Maybe someone will give me $700,000,000,000.00 to help me by new clothes.

Well, today is my oldest son's 8th birthday. And, as he so eloquently quoted, "even though it's not my party it's still 'My Day'" In fact, I think he's taking today through the weekend as "His Four Days." He comes by this honestly. Some may think that he gets it from me. Let's go over things that he gets from me.
He loves to watch the Mavs. He will scream out "Go Dirk." - and then say "Are we going for the Blue Team?" He loves to play catch with the football. (Something I also enjoyed with my dad at that age). He like to mix it up a bit. He says "Down.....Set......Kiss a girl" "Down.....Set......Jump off the roof!" Eventually leading to "Hut" which is pointless because I'm not going to take off running due to the laughter. He loves to play Mario Bros. Also a childhood hero of mine up until last year.
I could go on, the crooked pinkies, the insatiable desire to make people laugh, but I guess the one thing that I'm glad that I passed on to him is the ability to pray. He has the most beautiful prayers. They may be meaningless to some adults, but, when he is thankful for "cars, so people don't have to walk, food and drink, teachers, police-men so we are safe, and for his mommy and daddy to be good at work..." well, the tears you're welling say it enough. Happy Birthday Drew!

3K Close Call

2008-09-23T07:58:00.000-07:00

Hey there.
So, this past Saturday I'm on a tractor, mowing in the middle of a field (which is not a bad place to be) and I notice, off in the distance, a group of bicyclists riding by in this 3K thing. What's the "K" stand for? "Kill me if I'm ever caught wearing one of those tight suits?" And by "group" I mean like a-MILLION of 'em! They passed by a couple of times and I stopped paying attention. This comes to haunt me later. I finish the back-yard and move to the front. Yes, it takes a freakin' tractor to mow my yard. So, I'm going along side the fence. I mean CLOSE. I mean scrape the paint off with the wire (pronounced WAR) close! Then, I noticed a big....dead....bird on the ground. Is "on the ground" redundant? 'Cause I guess it wouldn't be in the air would it?
Well, as I'm passing and staring at the fataled fowl, I wasn't paying attention at how close I was to the road. A soon as I looked up to turn, about forty suicidal, speedo-wearing people whizzed, by at however fast a group of sorts travels when it's sneaking up on people riding tractors causing near Kubota abandonment. Missed the trumper (tractor bumper) by eleven inches. I slammed on the clutch.....and threw a nasty look, all the while hoping that the leader would trip up causing a rubber-two-wheeled domino effective avalanche not meant to be seen by anyone under 6 years old!
But, alas, no avalanche, and the dead bird remainined. Probably had a heart attack after being approached by Lance Armstrong's posse'.

The end has been reached, your comments are welcome.
Go Cowboys! Go Palin!
Have a pleasant one.

The Dave-O

1st Blog

2008-09-19T11:03:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the post Special Friends Newsletter 1st initial Blog.
If you don't know what the Newsletters are just hang on. I'll post them in an archive for your viewing pleasure. Warning! - You may be mentioned in there and not in a very attractive way perhaps....

I'd like to speak a minute on what topic I'd like to be covering in the future.
1. Ignorance with southern accents.
2. Oxymorons
3. Phrases that catch my ear and are worth disecting in a very judgemental way!

I will promise not to be lame unless it's over-the-top lame in which case I will be joking and will assume that you know that.

So hang on, enjoy the read, if you reply, try not to be funny - it doesn't look good on you!