Sound Affects....

Hi there,

Today's topic will cover the lack of manners and contageous amnesia regarding how to act while sitting in a dark movie theater.

Now I know that the existence of public movie watching is a relative new thing....if a "new thing" could be defined as something that started around 1895!
You would THINK that people would have learned how to act by now.

Apparently not.

When preparing for battle, tons of steps must be taken. Many hours of preparation will be involved.
When preparing for a test, there is studying. Heck, going to the bathroom even requires a check of the ole' toilet paper roll to make sure adequate paperage is there!
So, and I'm SURE I'm asking too much, but would it be too far a reach to have a pre-movie check-list before you hunt for a seat in the dark and scare the paying customers with enough common sense to get there on time??

I take my kids to see a harmless animated film about an obese bear with MAD Kung-Fu skills. It's me, my wife, a seven year old, and a ten year old. We would fill up four seats out of a five seat row. But, before the movie even begins...there are SIX people on our row.

Here is our GENIOUS idea...whilst the wife and a kid get the food...another kid and I get the seats. It's about 20-something minutes until the previews begin. Sounds harmless enough.

The devastation begins with a lady and her "must-speak-in-maximum-decibal-level-child" complaining about where to sit! The real problem is not that Gilbet Godfrey's son was so audible, it was that his mother kept answering him based on what he was saying and not the shear deafening level he was exhibiting. No, never heard a "shh". Only her responding as if he had a point!
Then, there was the jolting of my seat and the seats next to me by, what can only be described as "belly bumping". I've been on airplanes with turbulence with less of a seat jarring!

And all this..before lovely wife arrived with food and beverage.
And, as the four of us settled, we then witnessed redneck after hillbilly fumble in. Loud and confused...like drunk sheep at Nascar! - I do NOT assume that they are rednecks....I gathered this information based on their reaction from a clip of The Ballad of Ricky Bobby that flashed on the screen! "Woo Hoo" - "That's a good 'en!" And so forth.

The previews were now beginning and seats were about 75% full. The remaining 25% entered at what appeared to be the same EXACT time. There weren't seats available at more than two at a time...but we, of course, had people in groups of six and seven literally walking all the way to the front and back up to the back. Guys were griping "I'm literally blind". "I can't see a thing"! - (This apparently affected his ears too as he was practically yelling!)

Alas, the piece' d' resisDUNCE! - A lady with three kids and a friend was looking for seats. The three kids were placed in front of us and, wouldn't ya stinkin' know it, the ONE seat available on the inside by the wall was SO conveniently available for the tattoo'd mother to sit at so that she could check her brightly-lit phone, and hold her kid, and discuss what plans they had after the movie, that I was not going to be able to pay attention too due to the circus of noise, will end.

Then, I say THEN the movie begins. Only to be interrupted by phones ringing. No, not the "oops I forgot to silence my phone" occurences. The "let's see who this is and let it ring four times so that the entire ringtone of Sweet Home Alabama plays!"
The parents trying to hush their kids only by YELLING at them that "You're disturbin' err'body" "Quiet a'fore ya git thrown out"! - Seriously, were the Beverly Hillbillies filming a reunion?

All I'm saying is, have a little dress rehearsal. Tell your kids that it's expected that they be quiet, silence your phones, get your food in plenty of time, get to your seats and pretend that there are 300 strangers that do not wish to know what's going on with your lives!

Thanks! Silence is Golden.....and non-existent!