Let's Get Physical!! Physical!!

Grrrrr!!

My wife must hate me. Why else would she make me go to the doctor to have a "check-up?"

Check-up? They should call it a "Feel-up!"

Let's start this journey today by reminding everyone that I have issues with strangers. You know, aliens that want to make me uncomfortable. (We all get it Dave-O, you have an awkward meter)
Oh no. It went beyond that today! There were multiple opportunities for me to pass right out due to embarrassment. AND I WISH I WOULD HAVE TAKEN THE OPPORTUNITY!!

First, I circle the complex 6 times because I can't find the right building. I come in and sign in. And, because I had never been there before, I had to do a lot of information offering. (Apparently that wasn't the ONLY thing I was offering)

I get trotted back to a little window office where they make me whiz in a cup in a bathroom where, yet again, you can hear a freakin' pin drop. I didn't care. I just splashed as loud as I Pee'd.. er pleased!! Then they took several vitals, weighed, took my height (no doubt a dress hearsal to take my dignity) - then gave me this breath test twice! I blame this incompetence on the ditzy office girl.

They bounced me down to "room 2" (which stands for "Room 2 probe you" no doubt!)

The doctor pops in, rally's through an onslaught of questions, accompanied by an ear check where he proceeds to tell me that I think I can hear, but I can't. As to which I caught myself saying "What?"

Ah...for the piece de resistance'...."drop your shorts" he tells me. (I'm not wearing shorts, just pants and boxers)...so I take the greater of two evils and drop everything south of the border. He takes his hands and places them where no MAN has placed before, tells me to turn and cough. I wanted to turn and RUN but I didn't want the ditzy office girl see me without my pants on. I'm telling ya, this is NOT a moment that Willy wanted to be freed!!

After the torment was over nurse "first-time" came back in to draw my blood as she was being "monitored". Apparently we train the staff on the brand new patients! I wasn't too concerned until she pointed to my big blue vein, looks up at the onlooking nurse and says "That one?" ........(gulp)

My life flashed before me....and I was bored with most of it! I made a quick list of regrets. (this doctor's visits being right on top) - THEN, I had to take the breath test again because it showed I had ASTHMA! I didn't, I was just a shy breather!

To top it off....I had to pay $15.00 for this visit! If you see somebody naked aren't THEY the ones who gets paid?? I've seen Pretty Woman...this was NOTHING like that!!!!!

All in all, the WORST Dentist I've ever been to!

Later!