~ Winters and Losers ~

*If I could, somehow...go back in time.
 Back to the very first conversation that this happened. And slightly alter the episode of the birth of a phrase...I would do so. I would SO...do so!

 I would travel the great distance that it would require, just to seize control of a simple (yet overused, mistreated, out-dated...lame, unintended for this type of description) two-worded pile of letters that only come around once(d) a year to haunt my deepest, seasonal, dreams.
"This" time of year. When it is...oh what's the word? "Cold." As it is (wait for it) - every. time. of. year. - during these months.

Folks, if I could pinpoint the exact moment that it took place - I would dress very nicely (just in case there is a photo opportunity) - I would eat a solid breakfast to keep my strength (little as it is) - Then I would load up in the device of said time travel, enter my destination/location and so forth. Allow the machine to travel while I played Candy Crush or checked out the latest Bit Strips...may log on to Obamacare's website.

Once I arrived, I would travel to the location of the un-blessed event. Very politely slither into the "conversation" that included the "one". The "architect" of the verbal terror destined to plague my already pointy ears to the point of consuming entirely too much egg nog...

I would listen to he/she rambling on...with me nodding along as if entrigued to no end fake laughs abounding - then, as soon as I felt the presence of the moment, as soon as I understood my lot in life (time machine notwithstanding) - I would ever so gently place my hand upon this strangers mouth. Silencing them. Stunning the crowd. Changing the world. Bending the flow of life!!

No doubt such action would be received with a bug-eyed face of confusion.
 Certainly. Cannot argue with you.
 I would react with the same if it were to happen to me.
 I would place my other hand up to the on-looking crowd (I'm guessing this is some sort of dinner party and every one is dressed fancy with drinks in hand that I could not even pronounce...and English accents - but I'm not sure why) - stifling their murmuring. I would then give my newly acquired, mute victim this look of  "fear not, I bring you tidings of great joy" - and would usher he/she into a room. Alone. (Probably a library) - Determined to explain my brute interruption. That's fair. They deserve that. (I'm going to assume it's a "he" now.)

"Fella", I would say, "You have NO idea the damage you almost brought about the world."
"MMrrrfff, mmrrf, kkddlldiddle" - he'd say, as my hand is still over his mouth.
"What?" I'd retort, removing my hand.
"What is the meaning of this?" He'd bellow. "How dare"

Simple - you were in your changing room hours ago getting ready for this party. Muttering something about the weather (I would know this because I have a time machine, of course) and you noted not just THAT it was cold, not just HOW cold, but that it was both "wintry" and that it seemed as if the north pole just shot all of its elements at your little (English, apparently) town.

~ It was then that he would understand that by placing my hand over his mouth - I prevented anyone from hearing the phrase "Winter Blast." ~

With a quick zap of my "Men In Black mind eraser thing" (again, time machine - how are you not getting that I have cool gadgets?) I would then warn him not to use that phrase or his children will limp in circles forever...thus exstinguishing the light of that verbal pot from ever boiling.

Away to the window I flew like a flash, into the car and glanced at the dash.

Zoomed back to now, with gladness and glee.

Knowing what peace the Morning News will be.

Just to hear the meterologists, together.

Announcing that "it's just cold" - when referring to the weather!

Merry Christmas to all, and to all that want a winter blast, go to Dairy Queen.

- dave