Fortune Cookie

Today, the wife and I sat at the Toyota dealership as we waited to get both cars' oil changed.

We lounged in the lobby, drinking our Starbucks, sitting next to a table with two Oriental ladies.

Andrea became nervous as I was questioning her as to where she thought the were from. (Japan, China, or Korea) - although "Toyota" probably should have given it away...

I became (apparently) too audible for her liking as she kept shh-Shing me.

My tactics were harmless. And not at ALL racist. (I find that if you say "I'm not being racist" - that excuses you from any accusation) that's what I've learned from Hollywood. :-)

We were given complimentary chocolate chip cookies and, to determine if they were Chinese, I was audibly asking "I wonder if there is a fortune in here" - had there been it would have probably read "you will soon find yourself with diabetes."

I Got shh'd.

I was googling how to say " hello" in Japanese, and tried to trick Andrea into saying the following phrase. "What does this mean 'coon e cheewah'?"

She did not fall for it.

Got shh'd again.

I did not have a chance to a venture into any Korean inquisition as we had to leave.

I suppose it is not easy being out and about with me as I have the ability to speak. 

However, just before we had to leave, the service person walked over towards us with a confused face. He looked right at us and said "sorry, thought you were someone else behind the plant."

(There was a 9 inch plant at the table (large enough to disguise me, apparently)

I thought "who did he think I was?" A florist? Funeral director? A jungle cat?!

As were were checking out, the same guy came back up and said "oh, that WAS you" "I saw you on the other side of the plant" - which means he has x-ray vision...he's just not good at recognizing who he sees.....much like the Oriental friends we did not meet. I did, however, come up with a BRIILIANT way to ask without offending.

I will simply say "what color is your flag?"

~ note to self: learn what a Japanese, Chinese, and Korean flag looks like!!

Throwback Monday

On Monday, October 13th - we celebrate Columbus Day. Or as I like to call it "Majority Ignorant Day" as I'm sure most people are not aware of what kind of monster that Chris Columbus was. Though there is a catchy tune about how to remember him and his travels, he made a much more lasting impression on the natives that welcomed (or ran from) him.

Upon arrival he captured many islanders to work in his gold mines. He did not waste time jumping on the slavery bus as he sold young native girls into sexual slavery.
Many of these slaves died of exhaustion working in his mines - if an "Indian" worker did not deliver his full quota of gold dust by a certain deadline, soldiers would cut off the man's hands and tie them around his neck to send a message! Gee, what a stand-up guy.

Columbus made a second trip to the new world and, this time, brought cannons and attack dogs to help capture the native people. Goodness...Spain. Is. Awesome! (Condescending tone implied)

Why don't we rename the day? Instead of recalling the name of a Sadaam-like tyrant!

I find it interesting that, today, we get in trouble for wanting foreigners to simply get a job upon entering our country...when, it seems, that (way back then) we could have SERIOUSLY used some border patrol!

They honeslty should have thrown back Chris Columbus instead of Thursday...

Play It Backward

As I write this, and contemplate whether or not Taylor Swift has recently purchased stock in "Steak and Shake" - I want to share a quick experience that I had.
By the way, this attached pic is of the fam as we head away from Whataburger - one of the few fast-food joints not affected by a recent storm in Rockwall causing many power outages, and debris relocated. (Fortunately, God had His hand on Starbucks as well and they remained undamaged - ugh! Can you imagine Rockwall without a working Starbucks?!? Armagedden!!
By the way number two (tee hee, "number two") - the song playing on the radio was being brought to us by an artist that went by the handle of Hootie and not Darius...

And now on to the meat of the story...

On my way to work last week I exited the highway and pulled up to a stop light. Resting behind two other cars I noticed a person with a sign asking for money. These people always frighten me. Because I am sheltered and watch too many movies. However, a gospel song was playing and I felt the need to actually partake in the activity of helping someone. I knew I had some change in my change drawer holder (formally known as an ash tray), rolled down my window and he spoke to me and said "I'm just trying to get enough for some breakfast at McDonald's." I handed him what amounted to 5 one dollar bills. He said "If you was a woman I'd kiss ya." I started to reply - that's prostitution and out of the question. I felt pleased that I could help, and pleased that he did not pull a knife, gun, or set of lips on me. Then, as I drove off, I noticed that he remained...still intending to ask oncoming vehicles for money.

I am familiar with the McDonald's dollar menu and I know that I just gave him what equals to at least 4 meals...and to just keep on asking after saying "I just want enough to get a meal" - well, I turned my truck around, plowed down that service road and ran him over!

I'm kidding, I got out, wrestled him for my 5 bucks back.

I'm kidding, I'd be too afraid to wrestle anyone!