Barber And....

The initials of my last name must be an acronym for S.hoot M.e I.n T.he H.ead!! Perhaps I bring it on myself. As I browse the other blogs I'm confined not to complain too much. There's much more than me happening around here. Babies on the way, babies just arrived, marital problems, people stuck in jobs that drive them to an unhappy place in their brain. As I ponder my life there's a tendency to either be overjoyed at the blessings, or completely dismayed by the negativity that I encounter. Never a medium. So, out of respect of others who definately have it rougher than me, I will defer to more a more amusing outlook.
So, I'm off to get my hair cut. I pull into Wal-Mart.............................I'll give you a minute to make fun of my choice of barber. (Random thought: Would a hairstylist that collects books be a "Barbarian?"
In to Wal-Mart I go. I sign in. I wait about 4 minutes. The girl calls my name. I sit down in the chair and......let me 'splain son-thing to Ju! We need not visit the awkward meter that is so prevalent in my life. Needless to say, I am ususally uncomfortable in a setting that allows complete strangers to be close to me while another stranger is cutting my hair. This instance was no different. However, I knew it wouldn't last long, 'cause ya just get the clippers and get to buzzing. So, there I sat. Patiently waiting as she zinged past my ears. When, all of a sudden, the phone rings. Though there were several workers present, MY girl had to go answer the phone! Leaving me with a HALF cut head of hair. One side buzzed, one side Buckwheat! So there I am, 2 feet from the customer next to me. In plain view of all the shoppers passing by. I KNOW I heard them snicker as they looked over. "Look at the half-head-shaved-guy" they were probably saying.
She came back over, finished up.......and no tip from me! Satisfaction met.
This was also the same day that Taylor Swift (the pitchiest country singer alive)'s cd was being released. Being completely in tune with my wife's wants I strolled over to the music section to purchase said cd. Walked up to the check-out terminal thing. Waited a bit. The girl in the camera section said "I can get you over here." I placed the cd down and noticed, on the credit card machine that there was a spot for a customer service evaluation. "Was your representative friendly?" it asked. I thought "Off to a good start" - After I swipped she placed the cd in a plastic bag and I felt the uncontrollable desire to tell her that this was for my wife and not for me, because I didn't want her to think that this guy with little hairs on his neck just wandered in here to get this for himself. - You feel me?
So, I opened the trap and said "This is for my wife, not me" - instead of lightly chuckling, as any normal person would do, she just gave me this look as if I just kicked a pile of puppies and said "ew-kay?" - Evaluation Answer?: NO. Not friendly at all!
Enclosing, as I exited the Supercenter, I overheard a lady on her cell. As I got closer she said "Why do I have 5 missed calls from your mother"? - This led me to think, if she called that many times wouldn't it be atleast remotely important? Shouldn't you call her first? What kind of relationship do you have that you would avoid calling her back, only to ask you spouse to do so? Makes me laugh.
So, I don't have it so bad. Neither do you, because you're nothing like me, and are spared the awkward moments that hunt me down and pounce on me like a panda bear in heat!!

Have an opportune day!

The Dave-O

That'll Teach Me...

Yesterday (Monday...worst day of the week) I decided not to say anything negative about anybody. Instead, just "positively re-describe" those individuals who wouldn't know tact if it migrated through their ear as they slept, venturing it's way to their brain causing a small explosion through the eye lids.......Well, don't EVER decide to refrain from negativity. It's at that very point that anything that can happen, will, even if it has happened before, only this time, in much greater fashion, doubling in number.
They're out there. People. People who just want to complain for the sake of complaining. - (before you get started, I do it for entertainment purposes. For theraputic reasons. - For YOUR benefit!)
But, yes, they're out there. Lurking in the hallways, waiting to pass you and ask stupid questions. Waiting to call and question the very existence of your brain. Seeking to find an atmosphere where common sense no longer has relevance. Striving to make sure that phrases such as "suposubly" replaces "suposedly" - or, when saying "right" sounds like "rat"

I had a Physician's office manager/wife call me at work. Her questions were simple. "Can I get a cash price for this?" and "How much will this patient owe?" - Seems meaningless enough. But how, I ask thee, does that turn into a 40 minute conversation/argument about things beyond my control. Peeps, if you call me and I use the phrase "I have no control over that, do you want to talk to the person that makes that decision?" Your response should be "Yes." - But what if it isn't? What if it's (gulp) "No." ?? - What on earth would make you want to continue to want to talk to me? I do NOT have the answer, yet, when asked to be transferred to the appropriate person.....you refuse! Who is responsibile for raping the generation that birthed ignorant, people set on being mean just for the sake of being mean? When I'm mean, it's to be taken comedically. http://www.thefreedictionary.com/comedically

Or, there's a lesson to be learned. - If you have a tendency to be a "lame insulter" - I would intentionally insult you with zingers that would make your grandma cry. The point? To make you a better insulter. I love you friends. I do it for your own good. - But, why be mean just for the sake of being mean? Why get some kind of satisfaction of demeaning, or belittling, detracting, and debasing? This woman was being the "Anti-Upgrade"

But I let it go. I was nice to her. Why? - 'Cause I was raised better. Which got me to thinkin'. Would these people, we'll call 'em "Strumpets," even notice negativity if it's returned? Seems like they would welcome the challenge, engage in a fuel-drivin opportunity to feed off of you just to return the fire.

Does this mean that the Dave-O is in a lose-lose situation? Does this mean that I have to accept the harshness that is dealing with this person(s) and not retaliate because it's just wasted? And, remember, I get no satisfaction from being mean. Again, it's a teaching tool.

It can't be.

So......I can't be mean........being nice causes heartburn and you die. What's my third option? - Weirdness!! - Maybe if I have the initial conversation, and then transfer the mode.

(Strumpet): "Can you tell me what the patient will owe"

(Dave-O): "Actually, I can't unless you send me over all of the information"

(Strumpet): "I will NOT send anything first." "I NEED to know EXACTLY right now!"

(Dave-O): "........1 Million Dollars!"

(Strumpet): "Excuse me?"

(Dave-O): "....The other day I saw a man in his underwhere walking on his porch"

(Strumpet): "What?" "What does that hav..

(Dave-O): "It was cold" "Why do you think he would do that?"

(Strumpet): "Okay, this is..

(Dave-O): "I was talking to a Russion about the amount of Jews in the Ukraine" "I didn't think that there were that many" "She said that there were plenty left over from the war" "I said, 'left over?' 'You make it sound like they were reheated!'"

(Strumpet): "........(click) dial tone -

Now did that actually take place? Of course not! Not YET!

But one day I will bask in the perfect glory of saying just the right thing to communicate the fact that the very people that hold themselves in VERY high esteem will be degraded to a level that will make the weep with tears that will put out their fire of greed for the "last word" - and I will, inevitably, reach down and offer a hand..........'cause I'm still a nice guy ya know! And I will say to them - "Don't worry, it's just a teaching tool" "Now, now." "Everything will be all rat"

That's all for now. As a bladder-of-fact, I have to go to the bathroom now! - Think I'm off to a pretty good start with this "not saying anything negative" thing!

You have yourself a pleasant one. - Dave

Witnessing to a child

How are you?
I'm great! Last Saturday, I brought my son Drew (8) to work with me. During the hour long drive I decided to teach him the plan of salvation. We've had "talks" before. And he's never at a loss for questions. So, during the drive, I asked him what sin was. He said he didn't know. I told him that it was the bad things we did. I told him what accountability was. - Old enough to make a decision, whether right or wrong, based on a particular responsibility. I used cleaning his room as an example. I told him where sin entered the world. - He quickly responded with a "Man, if they didn't eat the fruit they'd still be alive" - How did he realize that on his own? Can he grasp the concept of physical death as a result of sin? Apparently he can! I explained believing in Jesus was not just believing that He exists, but believing that He was born without an earthly daddy, living a perfect life, the necessity of His death, His resurrection, and His "coming back to get us" - I quoted that because it comes into play later.
I explained Satan to him. Where he came from, what he does now. He asked if I'd ever seen him. I told him I had no idea what he looks like but to always be prepared for an encounter. - Quickly reminding him not to be afraid because God created him as has control over him. He asked if Satan could kill us......what does the Bible say about that? (I'm asking myself at that point) - I told him that if Satan ever wants to do anything he needs God's permission and that if God says it's okay....then there's nothing to be afraid of. (It speaks of God commanding Satan not to kill Job....people assume this if for the rest of us) - My main point was that Drew should not fear Satan.
I explained the concept of "dying twice" - I told him that because of the initial sin our bodies were punished by having to die. I told him that after we die we could be with Jesus or die once more and never see his mommy or daddy again. I noticed that he was never "scared" of anything I said, but, instead, nodded accordingly taking what I said at face value. My intention was not to give him a guilt trip sandwich wrapped in Hell bread. He never laughed, he didn't ask a silly question, he just soaked it up and responded very naturally. Which was a relief to me 'cause I had no idea on how to talk about this to him and had been quite nervous in the past. Once we got to work he would ask a question and then remained quiet for a bit. Then, after about 20 minutes of playing his gameboy, he sat up and asked "when can you pray?" - I had already gone over that only saved people would not have to die twice and Jesus would come back for them, and to get this opportunity you would have to pray. - The kid knew he needed this and needed to know when he could do it. He came to me. He brought it up.
I told him that he could pray whenever he wanted to. He wanted to right then!
I brought him over to me....I asked him if he was a sinner. He said yes. I asked him if he believed in Jesus (and everything included) I told him that he would have to ask for forgiveness. He said okay, took my hands and said:
"Dear Lord. Um, I am a sinner, I believe in you and-um, I want you to forgive me so that you will come back to get me." "Jesus-name-i-pray-amen."
I asked if he was saved. He said "yes"
I asked how did he know. He said "because I prayed" I said "So, you just believe that Jesus will do what He says He's gonna do?" He said "Yup!"................How can that not be the most important day of my life up to this point?
That night, as we gathered on the floor to pray, he thanked God for saving him. And we've talked about it everyday since.

Ah, good times! Later, Dave

Bless This Mess

Well, the battle is over. The team led by the white guy really took it to the team led by the black guy. That's right, Dirk and the Mavs went in to San Antonio and beat Tim Duncan's Spurs! Only the first of two interesting contests for the evening.
Our next President is Barack Obama. When I pass an African American do I feel the urge to congratulate them? Should I congratulate this country that thought it would never see the day? My first move in this was to pray for our current President, and for Mr. Obama. Like it or not, God knows what He's doing. Even if America doesn't!
The country has spoken. Four years ago the liberal half of the country so desperately wanted Mr. Bush not to get elected they voted for the other guy. This time around, the liberal half so desperately wanted "their" guy in. Quite the switch. History has been made. And will continue to do so. Emotions all over the world will be at an all time high. My grandparents' generation is suffering from chest pain this morning. My parent's generation, for the most part, will react mostly split. You got your celebrities, former athletes, red-necks, splitting their age group right down the middle. One side cursing, the other celebrating. My generation is ushering in what very well should be the Last Days with a liberal domination. My kids' generation.....well, time will tell.
I called my eight year old in this morning to tell him who won. He boo'd at first. Mostly, cause he's eight and competitive. But I told him that we are to respect the President, as in the "position." I told him to pray for him, regardless of how he feels about him personally.
As a Christian, values should be an important factor in any decision made.
My gut feeling.........I'm turning into "that guy" - The guy that watches the president, waiting for a slip-up. Waiting for a tremor in the force to alert me that my instincts are correct. You know, what Hollywood has done the past 8 years!
As I watched a literal group of millions crying, chanting, hoisting banners, I could not imagine this happening to any former president to this degree. Oprah was crying, Rev. Jesse Jackson was crying, Joe the plumber was crying.
To Christians - Everything you've been taught. Everything you assume about the end of the world, must be running through your minds.
To the Lost - You will notice Christians being more peculiar than ever. It will do you good to ask questions.
To Mr. Bush - Thanks for 8 years of service. It's unfair to wonder how anyone else would handle their presidency after the country that had sworn you in was under attack 7 months later.
To Mr. Obama - You've got a BIG responsibility. I'm watching you..........and praying for you.
To America - We've sailed right past blessed into "spoiled." My prayer is to be still and know that God is God. Regardless of who is elected.
To my sons - You will have children that may live in the year 2100. You've got 90 years to keep this country in good shape. You will probably see a woman president...maybe a black woman...maybe you will be president. It's up to me to allow you to be the best version of yourselves.
To God - You created this world as perfection. I apologize that we blew it so early. You knew back then what would happen everyday since. You knew that "this world" would never again see perfection in it's present state. You saw this day coming. You see the next 70 years. This has "already" happened for you. Even so, come quickly!

God bless America.

"Use the Force, Batman!"

Happy post-Halloween. And how happy my kids were to go trick-or-treating for the first time.
Friday night went to my brother and sister-in-law's house. Drew dressed like Darth Vader, and Caden dressed like Batman. - Is there some reason they like the "all-black costumes with capes?" Kind of dark isn't it? What kind of raising am I doing?
So, off to the sidewalks of Frisco we go. We hit about 12-15 houses seeing all kinds of creatures. Caden ran into a Bat-girl. (I think they exchanged numbers!)
The boys would run up to a house, ring the door-bell, and wait anxiously until someone would open - at that point both kids would feel the urge to SCREAM "TRICK OR TREATERS"
I guess it was our fault that we didn't "train" them on how the process went. I say that because, on the first two houses, Caden, soon after the door would open, would all but walk in their house. He would stick his head in and point things out like "look, a dog" He was apparently under the impression that we were "visiting" these people with strangely decorated front yards!
Drew was no less the entertaining commentator poking out phrases such as "Is this one open?" as we'd pass another house. Or when we passed by other kids he would say "Happy Trick or Treat"
But him calling the other kids "customers" really did it for me! "Look, more customers"
Alas, the crowning moment: We basically made a huge circle and decided not to tell them that we were going back to the house. Instead, we just took another route and ended up there seeing if they would notice. Well, they didn't and it was great. They just strolled up to the house, rang the door-bell, and, when Stan answered the door........it was all over but the shouting!! "Awesome" Drew shouted. Did he think that Stan was in some strange person's house? Was he amazed that we were instantaneously transported back to our original destination without his knowledge? Or is he just a dramatic little evil Jedi that likes to scream? - Probably that one!
Once we were done, the boys took on the role of guest door answerer and candy passer-outer. Caden was a bitter-sweet host. When someone came to our door and knocked or ran, he would jump up "someone's here!" then he would open the door AND INVITE THEM IN! Honestly, when's he gonna get it? He was sad that nobody stayed. Just got their candy and left. All in all, it was a success. I was a little surprised, as the evening went on, how the age of the trick or treaters went up. I swear there were guys with full beards - real ones! - bumming for free snickers bars.
Abby's costume was the cutest. (She went as a baby with Narcolepsy!)

Halloween '08 in the books. Pagan holiday's alive and well - and Drew got a new Light Saber out of it!

Later, Dave-O