Let's Shake On It!

Hey again.
I am sitting here after hours at work waiting to go to quartet practice. Random thoughts pop in my head. What to do?? - I'll share with the reading audience!

Did you know that, before an automobile passes one of many inspections, the speedometer has to prove that it can reach it's highest number? If it says 100mph...while they have it on the lift it will be sped up until that number is reached.
What other things must go through this rigorious torture I wonder.... - TOOTHBRUSHES? Wrap yourself around this one. - In order for them to avoid "false-advertisement lawsuits" the maker(s) of toothbrushes HAVE to test them don't they? Can't just assume that the little bristles will do the job now can they? I'm sure that your t-brush is an A.B.M. Toothbrush (Already Been in Mouth!)

You want to know what hacks me off? - Probably not, but you got nothing else to do right now obviously, so you might as well humor me. - The "Meet and Greet" during a church service.
Who came up with this? - You arrive. Greet people. Go to Sunday School. Talk to people before class starts. Go to big church. Talk to people before service. The service starts and, about the second song "Let's all stand and greet someone you haven't greeted." - Half of the crowd does what? - Turns right around and shakes the person's hand sitting behind them all-the-while rolling their eyes because just 3 and a half minutes earlier THEY SHOOK THE SAME HAND! Another section (mostly elderly) just sits there (which is fine) because they are too tired to go around shaking people's hand. Then, there are the "Fly-around-the-church trying to set some kind of record for most people they can talk to before a song is finished people" - THOSE are the ones you are waiting for when the song-leader says "let's return to our seats"
But, you told us, not 40 seconds ago, to leave and go where someone else is. Make up your mind. If I left my seat to go see you, and you left your seat to go see brother Joe, and brother Joe went to go see sister Betty, and we ALL know that Betty ain't gettin' up for nobody 'cause it's too cold anyway and she's wrapped in a blanket that you know got stolen off the set of Little House On The Prairie, we end up walking around the auditorium never greeting anyone anyway! THAT is why I'm a piano player. So I can just miss all that mess and play. And, by the by, NOBODY ever comes to visit the piano player during that silly time of chaotic-momentary-memory-loss-that-we-JUST-spoke-to-each-other! Which we so affectionately call the "Welcome Time" - Welcome to what? Back to the aisle we were just standing in discussing how windy it's been. I've been at church nearly two hours at this point. If I wanted to talk to them by now.....I would have shook their hand BEFORE service started. Or (I don't know, call me a goober) - AFTER the service! Or maybe, I would drag them down to the altar during the invitation to pray for people who like having welcome time, which is probably just another way to sneak a quick choir practice in right in front of you.
Instead...just have all the first-time visitors walk up to the front and let us give them some big-ole' applause for visiting with us today - Now, RETURN TO YOUR SEATS!

Later, Dave