The Dave-Ography

Hey readers,

If I ever get around to writing my autobiography (which is silly because I know NOTHING about cars) - I think that the chapter headings may read something like...

Chapter 1 - Hi. I'm Dave and I have an awkward meter

Chapter 2 - Hutchins Baptist School (fighting, A-Honor Roll, walking home after
school)

Chapter 3 - Wills Point ISD (avoiding all contact with strange humans, afraid for
life on bus ride home, Honor Roll?)

Chapter 4 - The Legend of Mabank TX

Chapter 5 - Backyard Volleyball

Chapter 6 - Southern Gospel Music?....What the heck is that?

Chapter 7 - The Ballad of Shawn Kirk (he used to dip and cuss)

Chapter 8 - Church members for 9 months then leave. (Isn't that normal?)

Chapter 9 - Baylor University Medical Center Dallas
1. 7p - 7a
2. Tony and Albert
3. 20 Transports in one night
4. The Helipad
5. 5 CPRs (no one made it)
6. Severed Foot - Fell asleep on railroad track) "No one falls
asleep, they PASS OUT on a railroad track!"

Chapter 10 - I want a blonde, 18 year old girl to marry

Chatper 11 - Andrea Kay Dougherty

Chapter 12 - Bankruptcy! - kidding! (Chapter 11...? Get it?)

Chapter 13 - Fairfield TX

Chapter 14 - Debt Consolidation! - kidding...well, not really.

Chapter 15 - The Medical Center @ Terrell
1. Hetty Smith
2. The File Room
3. "Hold your Breath, Hold it!!!"
4. That Boy Thar
5. Towne Home

Chapter 16 - Moving back home

Chapter 17 - Crystal River, Potter's Clay, Sweet Spirit

Chapter 18 - The Medical Center of Mesquite
1. Mesquitians
2. 30 transports in one day
3. Employee of the Quarter and how I had to bribe to get it!
4. What do you mean "no call, no show?"

Chapter 19 - Greenville TX

Chapter 20- Drew Alexander Smith

Chapter 21- The only truck I've bought...twice!

Chapter 22- The Harmony Quartet

Chapter 23- Caden Lane Smith

Chapter 24- "MY Day"

Chapter 25- Per-Se' Technologies
1. Betty Wrinkle
2. Katrina, my Only African American friend (at the time)
3. $20,000.00 Embezzlement?....wow!
4. Group Leader Fiasco
5. Halloween Party
6. Special Friends Newsletter
7. The loss of Justin

Chapter 26- Vista Hospital of Dallas
1. Central Supply Director
2. You can order it....you're not going to get it though!
2. Business Office/Admitting Director
3. Can I PLEASE get PBX coverage?
4. Is her DOG up here? Is there an IV pole in there?
5. Did I just get fired?


Chapter 27- Forest Park Medical Center
1. This is the greatest place to work EVER!!
2. Milliman Building (Millenium as 80% of the population call it)
3. Charge Committee
4. Jerry Walters ("Dude, we're never going to work there!")

Chapter 28 - Pops is on the roof again!

Chapter 29 - Dude, where's my truck?

Chapter 30- Inheritance? Bwa ha ha ha

Chapter 31 - I'm offended that you're offended!

Chapter 32 - You want me to Blog? Seriously?

Chapter 33 - Being Racist is not the same as being Prejudice! And other theories
guaranteed to get me stabbed!

Chapter 34 - You're Face!

Chapter 35 - I like transposing from this key to the next by hitting the 3 minor, half step down, then 2 minor chord, 4 over 5 stance, arpeggio.... - You don't know what that means? - Well, cut me a break for not being able to read directions and getting lost all the time. - You have to go to Ft. Worth to get anywhere!!

Chapter 36 - Dr. Pepper is Heaven juice!

Chapter 37 - Facebook is Crack!!

Chapter 38 - Wow this is a long book.

Chapter 39 - I've left out so as to have another book!!

THE END! - I can't WAIT to read this book!

Do You Like.......?

Have you ever received a random e-mail or text from someone that you know pretty well and it catches you off guard?
Out of the blue one of my co-workers e-mailed me this in the middle of a conversation.
Coworker: "Thanks for your help"
Me: "No problem"
Coworker: "Do you like sausage balls?"
Me: "............Random. But yeah, I guess...?"

Then she explained the reasoning behing the question. She was going to have her mother make some and then bring up to work. - Maybe THAT should have been the opening line!

Another came from my tenor singer. I mean this was out of the freakin' BLUE!
Text: Do you like turnips? - First of all NO! Who does? Second, give me the bottom line first. Tell me that you've recently...cropped?...Farmed?....dug up turnips and you are giving them away. Don't open with your random queries that all seem to deal with food!

I woke up one morning to the sound of the weatherman on the tv. Not ON the tv but, well, you get it! Anyway, he was so enthusiastic about the "high" today that I just wonder if the people up north, where they have "real" winters, must laugh their face off that we get 1/2 an inch of snow and SHUT THE STATE DOWN! Or it's LEVEL ORANGE today. Is that the ozone alert or are we under a terror alert?!

Moving on, whilst driving to work, that same morning, I noticed two ornaments hanging from the bumper of a truck. One was a horseshoe. Somewhere there is a horse with an uneccesary limp!
The other item was an oversized (I ASSUME they were oversized) pair of testicles! Somewhere there is a giant with a very high voice!
Also, that very same morning, I was listening to the traffic report (why? - because I drifted off in thought and wasn't paying attention) - I never care to know the status of traffic. I prefer to be surprised by a sea of tail-lights out of nowhere! Well, the traffic announcer said that there was a "fender bender".....is this the best they got? If you choose to stray from "accident" and insert a clever rhyming description, does is have to be the same one? How about "Bumper Thumper" - "Spoiler Boiler" - "Trunk Bump" - "Vehicle Pickle" ? Just to keep my attention.

To cap this drive to work off, I pulled in to a fast food joint drive thru for a breakfast treat (I feel as if I deserve it after putting up with the world and her weird ways) - I placed my order, pulled forward as instructed, and she gave me my total. I handed her my card then she swiped it on the OUTSIDE swipe thingy. But she gave me this look like: "(SIGH) There is a credit card machine on the outside of the building sir. Do I really have to process this for you??? - I felt so judged. I'm not comfortable with that. I'm used to handing it to the person. I never know if they are working. What if I swipe and it's broke, then they have to tell me "Oh no, I have to do it"? I don't want that kind of confrontation - I just want my breakfast burrito "bleep!"

Have a wonderful day and be careful driving, so you don't have a jam-ka-bob!....No good?

Dave

"Was that audible?"

What is going on in the world? With me? - Well I went down to Fairfled Texas last weekend. The "Land of A Thousand Naps" - the weather was fabulous. I had two concerts. The first started at 11:00am Sunday morning. There were about 90 people there. 89 were happy to see (better translated hear) us. I plucked out the intro on the keyboard for the first song and we sang all the way through. I played the intro to the second and we started singing right on through.....UNTIL, the tenor finished his solo verse, where he happens to hit (and hold) a high note. I hear billowing out from the audience a 115 year old man saying "GUYS, GUYS, HEY, HEY, HEY NOW." "You gonna have to turn it down!" "I thought I was deaf when I walked in here, but clearly I'm not" [Isn't he most fortunate that we don't charge for healings?!;)]
The pastor had to get up, walk over to him, advise his departure! Four ladies, at the same time piped up to us "You guys just keep-a goin!" - And so we did! And so he left! And then we ate!

That afternoon, we spent the day at Andrea's aunt's house. 42 was played. Stories were shared. I introduced myself to the backporch swing and rocked in the beautiful weather while the kids took turns pushing each other in (and out of) the tree swing all-the-while laughing to myself at getting screamed at during church earlier that morning.

During a car ride featuring me, Andrea, and Caden, Andrea noticed an unpleasant smell in the car.
She then said "Caden, did you toot?" - he responded with "No..............Now I did!"

Ahh, the innocent young honest response of a future blogger!
Later Peeps!