PM What??

Greetings readers!

I really should stop watching tv. I saw a commercial that advertised about P.M.D.D. which is LIKE P.M.S. - ....I'm sorry, huh?!? Now there's ANOTHER one to look out for!
It's not safe to walk out of the house anymore! That's probably the reason for all the celebrities leaving this world. (may they rest in peace)
Fortunately, none of the ladies I know ever come across in a negative manner thereby eluding me to assume that they are on...it..?..that?...

Am I getting THAT old? I walked in a convenient store the other day (probably to get the wife an ICEE....'cause I do that.... ALL the time!) - and the cashier and I had a friendly little chat. I told her that I hadn't seen something since I was in high school. She said "a long time huh?" -
uh...YOU'RE LIKE 50! With smoke freckles and rubber skin! I didn't respond with what little nugget 'cause I'm not mean like that...instead, I write negative things about people! It gets me through the week! :)
I'm only 30. That's only 15 two times....of course it's half of 60...but you only as old as you....dress?...rap?...can't be feel, because medication is not always available!

Oh well, have a wonderful work week old timers! And don't assume that people in bad moods have any sort of syndrome! ('Cause they hate it when you say that!)

Later, Dave

And, you're name's gonna be...??

Hey there Readers,

Confusion is the first step to knowledge, therefore, I am a genius!

There is an Extremely nice lady that cleans the department that I work in every day. Recently she was dusting the top of my desk and accidentally knocked over some trays. I was in the other room but saw it take place. She apologized profusely then began to put the papers back in the tray....Now honey, did you know what order they were in? No - This would be an appropriate opportunity to just dump them in my lap and say "I give up!"

Moving on,
I had to set up a conference call between my boss and two other individuals. As soon as it was time, I called the number and got the first lady on the phone. She said "hang on a second, let me get Josh" - About a minute later, Josh joined us. Josh said "John?" - I said "No, it's David" he said "Oh, sorry, I just got off the phone with a John."
- Here's my question... - If you don't know the name of someone, is the rule just give them the name of the previous person that you were talking too? You don't ask "what is your name?" - If luck would have it that he was talking to a Brandy would he call me Brandy? When he finishes praying and the phone rings, does he say "Amen" - "Hello, Jesus?"

Okay, time to get out of town and take a bus!

Later, Dave

And, what are tires...again?

Readers,

As with the willowing away of tire tread, so goes my patience with the employees designated to work on my vehicle at your local Wal-Mart. Even though I SHOULDN'T complain (because I should learn to do mechanical-type work own-self) I'm-a gonna!

I needed two new front tires. I pulled around to the Wal-Mart Tire/Lube Express area. Parked, and began walking up to the "garage-of-sense-less-beings"
I was greeted by this dude with a puzzled look on his face. He said "Can I help you?" I said "I need to get two tires" - He paused and looked at me for what seemed like a month! Then said "You need us to put 'em on?" ........"Uh....YES!" (Maybe people do only by tires and not have them put on) but I was not thinking in that direction. (And he had a very confused face leading me to believe that he was not open to the concept of OPTIONS!)
Having gotten through to him that I wanted two tires put ON my car, we proceeded to to go through the registration process where he takes my name and such. He asked "front or back?" (Really?) I told him "front" - this booger looked down at the BACK tires and then began typing information on that little thing they type on.
Having completed that, I went in to get a cutting of my hair. The hair cuttist began singing along with a Britney song! I think it was the circus song, not sure. "All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus" - "Don't bother with a song just make it not so long just like a hair cut!"
Then she asked me if I wanted a shampooing. I said "nah" she said (singing) "it's complimentary!" - I said "Okay" she said "I knew that was coming" - I said "I knew it was free, I just don't think that they're through with my tires yet!" - She said "Yeah, it takes them forever to do anything" - Whoa, Wal-Mart wounds it's own team!
Well, they weren't finished and I had to wait. Once ready, I paid, got the key, and commenced to walking to my car. My car was backed in and the driver's side door was closest to me. Now what made me do this is beyond me...but, I walked over to the passenger side door to make sure that the front tires were done (tee hee) GUESS WHAT I SAW? A perfectly new tire - with NO hub-cap!!
I had to walk back to the garage and find someone. I told this old man who said "That's my fault, they didn't see me put it over thar"

I'm just thankful that I noticed and that I got short hair, 4 hubcaps, and another day to blog!

Later, Dave


**Disclaimer** - The views expressed in this here blog are not intended to draw attention to the ignorance of others, but to make fun of the Dave-O and his "Awkward-Waiting-To-Happen" mental status. At no time is it to be assumed that ALL Wal-Mart workers are purposely ignorant. - I am making fun of the way that I take people and how I interpret them as treating me - Anyone that doesn't get that is a complete idiot!!

Have a wonderful day!
(And I'm kidding about the "idiot" comment)

The Great Chicken Truck Wreck of '09

Good day reader(s)

Just as we have seen the dwindling down of the bird flu...another fowl epidemic is upon us. That's right friends - CHICKEN TRUCK TERROR! It's on our highways folks! Dozens of future KFC alumni scattered abroad, senselessly murdered (or dismembered) due to chicken truck accidents. I can't even begin to describe the poultry agony that ensues upon collision. What noise must feather out from the wreckage?
Who came up with the idea to haul these sexy white hens down the road with open cages? How high up the pecking order is he/she? I say we put THEM in a steel Wal-Mart basket and speed it up to about 85mph and just whoosh 'em down the road to scare the poo out of them. - Back to the chickens. (Or, as the English say - "CHECK-EENS")
From now on we should pronounce it that way...just to have a little fun. We must find a way to enable the check-eens to defend themselves. Maybe we could teach them martial arts! - Call it the "Cluck Norris school of Hen Fu" -

It was a typical Monday morning. The weather guy was a fill-in and was flirting with the traffic lady a little much who, atleast, told us that there was an accident and HWY 30 was shut down. We dropped off our oldest son all ready for church camp this week, and then hit the road....only to hit a two-lane-highway-stalled-with-bumper-to-bumper-cars creeping along at 1 mph due to (and this reverts back to the overly flirted with traffic lady) a check-een truck accident. What happened? - Not sure. Slam on the brakes, swerve, flip "COCK-A-DOODLE-DOOOO!" splat! Check-eens everywhere! Some dead, others close, some destined to become traffic safety officer hens, that get spots on morning newscasts and get flirted with by the new rooster doing sports! Hypethetically of course! Everyone knows that turkeys make better news personnel!

So there we were, passing on the service road, viewing the bodies. Lined in the ditch. Taps was playing in the background.(http://www.west-point.org/taps/Taps.html)
Then my wife spoke up.."Poor chickens".... Uh,they are traveling to a place that will chop them to death via axe! - Or MADE to lay eggs against their will, which is nothing more than organized prostitution!
Now, the survivors just have whiplash and a pending law-suit. The victims (affectionately known as chicktims :) never saw it coming. They are feeling no pain in the great Pilgrim's Pride truck in the sky - Can I get an amen!? No? How 'bout a thigh?

Let's make it a good day! - You never know when the truck that's hauling you around in will kick the bucket!